[casb77]

My DH and I have been married for 7 years and in addition to IF have dealt with my dad and my last two grandparents dying as well as my crazy mother first stealing from my sister and then suing my dad's (her ex's) estate for the life insurance money all between 10/04 and 4/07. The last couple years haven't been a picnic, even without the IF roller coaster.

I have a hard time talking to him about my feelings before they just burst out in a tearful, snot-ful mess. I'm trying to get better about it because he really does try to be understanding when I finally confess stuff. He is hesitant to tell me when more of our friends get pregnant because he knows how it upsets me, but then I just get upset because I'd rather hear it from him as soon as he knows and not be blindsided by the news in public. I'm trying to be better about just telling him how to help me through this (I obsess about IF) rather than getting mad when he says something that upsets me.

It's my tubes that are our problem, his low counts would still be enough if my tubes were open and functioning. I feel guilty that IVF is sucking our savings account dry and we've had to sell some stock to pay for it, but he's never said anything about it, just took it as a matter of course that we'd have to use that money to try for a baby.

He was always the one who really wanted to try to have a biological child rather than going straight to adoption. I thought it was some profound genetic tie he was looking for but he actually said it was because raising children is hard enough without the "wild card" of adoption. He thinks that our kids will be smart and attractive and that will make raising them easier. I was floored and speechless, but now I just laugh. Hopefully he'll learn soon enough that raising kids is hard work no matter what they look like. We're doing a Shared Risk plan so if IVF doesn't work we'll probably move onto adoption, but we'll cross that bridge when/if we come to it.

He came with me to my 2nd hysteroscopy appt. yesterday. It was the first time he met the RE, though we were all on for a phone consultation a few months back. We had a refresher on the shots, too, which was also a first for DH. He kept touching my back or arm whenever he was nearby all day, so I think he's starting to really get how big a deal this is and just how much I'll be going through to make IVF happen. I hope that means he'll cut me some slack if I have random mood swings while on all these meds!