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How will I ever?
Hello, Janet :0)
I'm in quite the emotional pit these days. My mind - I have been told - is engaged entirely too much. I get the usual "You think too much" crap after I go into deep discussions about not having children. I just wanted to know, what do you do to cope? I've tried it all: moving, hobbies, meditation, diversion, reading - none of it has helped the pain subside. I truly want nothing more than a distraction of worldly proportions, I think. I feel like my mind is quicksand and my heart keeps sinking into it. I think about the fact that maybe I'm just not good enough for anyone to have my name continue on after I die. It's SO hard for me to see all these people with their children - laughing and holding them despite hard times that they may have had. I feel like people are looking at me with pity and no matter what I accompish in life, no one will think I amount to much unless I've "proven" that I am worthy of offspring. I won't ever get to have that moment where all time stops because I'm looking at the infant version of myself. Despite all the compliments I get from my fiancee, my parents, even the looks from my dogs...I just don't know how to fill the empty space of not "fitting in" to society. I wish I was stronger and maybe the fact that I'm still doing all of those things that I listed above means that I am, but I really don't feel so amazing these days. Do you have any advice? Thanks for reading...
~ j*
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