[Kari]

We gave IVF one last try after we signed with our agency. Our agency preferred we did not try fertility treatments while going through the process, but that was not a requirement. I needed to start the adoption process so that if our last IVF try was unsuccessful, it wouldn't be as heartbreaking. Frankly, it ticks me off that so many agencies are not OK with doing both at once. They accept couples that don't even have fertility problems. I understand you should not continue once you are matched with an emom, that would be unethical. But, if we did conceive, we would pull ourselves from the book and be put on hold status. I certainly would not have minded if other couples with our agency continued treatment, it would just mean that more couples would have a happy ending, one way or the other.

We didn't need to grieve our loss before beginning our adoption journey. I think I was more emotionally stable because we pursued two journeys at one time (even though they only overlapped during the months of adoption paperwork). I, myself, did not need to grieve the loss of not having a bio child. It doesn't matter if our child looks like us. I wanted to conceive for 2 main reasons (1)to experience pregnancy (feel like a woman) and provide our child with a healthy first 9 months (2) to know that when our child is born, that he/she would be ours forever. I feel the same way about not experiencing the above now, as I did before we met our son. It certainly doesn't affect our love for him - we could not possibly love him more than we already do! He is the best thing that has ever happened to us!

I am sure you can find an agency that would be ok with you trying IVF again. I know how it feels to see family and friends building their families while you are stuck battling infertility. I wish you the best on your journey and hope you become parents real soon!