[Kari]

Kristy,

I hope you are successful with your first IVF cycle, so you won't need to have more discussions. However, if not, my advice to you is to truly research adoption - the ups and downs. I had an idealistic view of adoption to begin with, but once I learned more about foster care adoptions and the domestic adoption process in our area, I realized I wanted to pursue more fertility treatments first. I also think that once you go through your first IVF, your DH may have a better understanding of what you go through physically, and might be willing to have a change of heart about another attempt.

These discussions with my DH and I were more successful when we both honestly discussed the positive and negatives we see about both options.

Also, you had mentioned "there are so many kids out there that need parents" - if you are thinking about adopting older children, large sibling sets, adoption through the foster care system, children with severe medical needs, or possibly international, that may be the case. My DH and I wanted to adopt a child of any race or gender 4 years old or younger or a sibling set of 2 and we were told that was very unlikely to ever happen for us. I know of so many couples who wait for years to adopt children - the wait is long because there are many couples like us waiting in line. I would suggest reading this forum's sister site - General Adoptive Parent Support - Adoption.com Forums

I wish you the best of luck. Try to keep open lines of communication with you and your DH.