[wtnganother1]

DH and I have been trying to get pregnant with our 2nd since our son was 4, and he is 10 now. We didn't think there would be a problem, since we got pregnant last time when we were trying NOT to. Now, we can't get pregnant at all. The only known problem is that I don't ovulate. 7 cycles of Clomid made me ovulate, but we didn't get pregnant. I took a month off and am supposed to start injectibles in the next cycle, but I'm getting cold feet. On the one hand, the desperate cravings for a child have gotten better, and I find myself pointing out to myself how much a baby would change my cushy life. No more spontaneous trips to a movie theater, juggling child care with work, feeling lousy for 9 months like I did last time, and just trying to be a good mom to another child and keep all the plates spinning in the air. I remember those early days when getting a shower was a luxury, and I worry about how we'd all handle that again, and how we would do it. Last time I was home all day. On the other hand, we DID manage to do it last time, and got through it. And the sacrifice would be worth it for another child. Just when I convince myself that maybe we shouldn't, that maybe we really aren't supposed to have another one, I got news that an old friend is pregnant. The friend that met her husband at our wedding and had a child right after we had our son, then didn't have more. They are having a second now, and it completely unglued me for a day and a half. Does this mean that yearning is still engrained, that it won't go away, that I should listen to it and move to injections? I don't expect anyone to tell me what to do, but does ANYONE out there dealing with secondary infertility deal with this, too? Especially with such an age gap? If our son was 5, I don't think I'd feel this way. I didn't feel this way back then. There was no doubt in my mind, then. If we hadn't been able to have any children yet, I wouldn't stop at anything. Am I just too used to having a more independent child? Do I need to slap myself and be determined and go for it? Sorry for the rambling.....just want to know if you feel this, too, and how you deal with it.