I want to reach out and hug you too and I completely understand. I am standing in your shoes, my friend.. so consider this a virtual shoulder to lean on. I know you're beating yourself up about feeling like your friends/family don't "deserve" to be expecting after hardly trying at all because Im sure you're a great person and these negative feelings aren't like you. I am exactly where you are - my best friend since high school only met a guy in October and nonchalantly told me she was "trying" right before Christmas because this guy said he wanted a baby by the time he's 30. I was devastated. She knows the trials my husband and I have faced and was so insensitive. one week later she called me, while I was in the mall and told me she's pregnant. Since then she's been complaining about not feeling well, acting like its a huge inconvenience. I've completely pulled away - I just cant go there. It's too painful. I feel selfish and terrible but I read somewhere something that you should keep in mind too - it's not selfishness, it's self-preservation. If it's bothering you and adding extra stress to you at a time when you need to be relaxing and focusing in you and your husband and your quest to make a child then it's okay.
It's all okay. Self preservation. Its normal.
Just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when it all works out you'll be so happy and you'll appreciate your blessing more than someone who was lucky enough to have it happen right away.
In the meantime - take care of you and don't beat yourself up. You're doing the best you can for you.
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