[mb2009]

Hi. I'm new to this but feeling so frustrated lately that I need to vent somewhere to others who can understand. People think why am I sad if I have one child, but now that I decided to have another it's frustrating and sad it's not happening. I waited late to have a child, which is probably my problem (age) as I had 3 m/c's but luckily had a son in 2007. Trying to conceive again for a year as I just turned 39 but no luck with Clomid last 2 months. I was so focused on mc's and figured well now I know what to expect and will take Progesterone and vitamins etc even though don't know if helped for sure with my son, but now can't even get to that step. I started acupuncture recently but not that into it and feel pressure with time b/c of my age, so don't want to do acupuncture and take all these herbs paying $100 a week for a year just to find out nothing. My case is of unknown origin. I have a referral to do dye xray of my uterus but it says to do it days 5 to 9 and not to have sex for 3 days after and I've been ovulating early so don't want to miss opportunity to have sex to ttc just to do a test that likely will show nothing as I was pregnant 4 times before but 3 m/c's so likely not blockage or cyst problem. My husband is doing sperm analysis this week but again I doubt it will show anything helpful. Part of me feels I should just feel lucky to have a child and not torture myself but now that I decided to have a baby I feel so sad every time I get my period like today. I saw a RE and could do IVF but worry about multiples -- if for my first I wouldn't hesitate but for my 2nd I don't know. Acupuncurists want me to stop Clomid but I'm eager to try everything possible to help me. I do ovulate so Clomid probably not useful for me but it's all my OB could offer me. I'm not ready to adopt but it's in the back of my mind though my dh prefers a biological child. This sucks! Mostly b/c all my friends are pregnant with their 2nd child (literally 6 friends) so hard to be having problems. They all had first babies when I was having mc's and it was hard to be happy for them witout being sad for myself but luckily it worked out for me before but doesn't seem to be this time round. My dh tries to be supportive but he gets frustrated with me b/c I'm in a bad mood all the time and I want to be happy for my son's sake. He's 21 months old. We also moved recently to have more space if we have a second child but now I feel what was the point. Any ideas to help me cope are appreciated. Thanks.
Marlana