[milliondpi]

After the recent loss of our first baby, I have a lot of questions on my mind (among a lot of other feelings, a lot of you surely understand).

My husband and I found ourselves miraculously pregnant after trying (naturally) for 4 years. We never tried not to get pregnant during our entire marriage (since Oct 2004). I have irregular periods and he has a slightly low and slow sperm count. We never went in for extensive testing beyond the sperm count due to insurance issues. Actually, I'd gotten so used to assuming it'd never happen, we were completely surprised and delighted to find ourselves pregnant in November of 2008.

I had some early bleeding, at 8 weeks but otherwise a normal pregnancy. Our daughter was growing very well inside me. Suddenly, at 26 weeks, I felt immensily bloated for a day or so and then had some funky discharge. My Dr actually told me it was just the change in mucus that comes with transitioning into the 3rd trimester and to come in if the discharge "got greener". (no joke!) Well, late that night, I had contractions and was nearly 5 centimeters dialtated upon arriving at the hospital. They were able to delay my labor long enough to find I had an intra-amniotic infection and would have no choice but to give birth due to the risk of losing both mom and baby.

So our baby Daphne was born on April 30th, 2009. She was only 26 weeks and 1 day gestational age, but she came out crying and squirming and looking perfect!! Sadly, the next day, they discovered the rest of her body was so strong but her brain wasn't ready and due to a massive level 4 brain bleed we were left to decide to keep her in a vegitative state her whole life or let her go. So in all the horror and sadness, I thank God my husband and I could hold her and kiss her and be her parents for just a little while.

Now, of course I have the emotions to deal with. Hopefully some of you ladies probably understand I am not trying to replace her at all by wanting to try again. How could I?! But I don't want to give up. what I am writing about, is to ask -

- after taking so long to make her, should I assume it will take just as long to make baby #2? should I get ready to buy ovualtion kits? I have irregular periods so never really know when I ovulate. We concieved 21-25 days after the first day of my period, if that tells you anything...??

- having this premature labor due to intra amniotic infection, will it affect my future pregnancies?

- I've yet to have my post partum appointment, so I'm not even begining to try again until the Dr says so... But - has anyone else had a similar experience or know of anyone who was sucessful afterwards?

This is a terrible experience. I don't want to feel sorry for myself but can't help feeling like I let my baby down. I have no idea how I got the infection (Dr says I probably will never know) but I know I loved her dearly and was a super careful mom to be!! If anyone has ever gone through this or ever does, my heart is with you for it sure is one of those things you can never be prepared for.