I may have to be removed from our group...
So today, I got the word back from my blood sugar tests. They're too high, and so is my cholesterol.
This means that the fertility clinic won't start the IVF process until I get them into the "normal" range.
Everything was going along and I was starting to get excited about starting BCP's this month and now, nothing. No IVF. No baby. Just another thing about me that doesn't work right. I feel like my body is just one big malfunctioning organ. I have endometriosis; I can't have a baby; my blood sugars are all wrong. Why?
I don't know what it means for me to get the sugars to be normal. I don't know if they'll put me on medication or if I have to try to do it naturally (which hasn't worked all this time!!!!), but regardless, we were supposed to start the long process this month and now we can't. And I have no idea now when we will start.
And I am sitting here in my office crying and crying and trying not to cry, because I don't want these people to see me cry or know what's going on. But it's really hard. I'm so depressed now. I wish I could just go home -- but we all just ordered in Indian lunch for my birthday (which was yesterday). So I have to at least stay for that.
I don't understand why starting a family for us is so hard, when other people seem to be able to do it so easily. Frikkin' crack addicts can have babies!! My sister, who is severely overweight, doesn't have high blood sugars! But I do!! And she has four babies!! It's so unfair and so frustrating. And I'm tired of waiting! And everyday I am getting older and older and this is just going to get harder and harder for us the older I get. This is such a cruel thing to happen the day after I turn 36, which I was already depressed about (because of the fertility thing). I hate this!
Anyway, the fertility office is going to call me back to see if we even need to come in for our big IVF appointment on Monday, now that they have these blood sugar results.
So I'll let you guys know something either later today, or after Monday's appointment (if we have it) about whether or not I will still be able to be a part of this group.
:-(
|