[wannabigbabybelly]

When we found out we were having twins....but one didn't look like it was going to make it, it was a time of mixed feelings.

In one moment we just felt sooo blessed that we finally had ONE little one that was strong and healthy and would likely make it, after all these years of trying.

In the next we were sad because we had always wanted twins and not only we would be loosing that, now our remaining twin would grow up knowing that he had once had a twin as well.

Over the pregnancy, birth and after sometimes it will sneak up on me.

If I see some twins out in public, or here people bragging about their twins I'll think..."wow...not only did we loose our identical twin girls...we also lost the twin of our son....so it cuts both ways".

Last sunday it snuck up on me as well. There was a lady at church who had her baby girl playing on the floor. She is right about the same age as Logan. She was born just 2 weeks earlier. I laid Logan down in front of her so they were looking and playing with each other. Then it hit me like a brick wall. OMG...this is what my life would have looked like had his twin survived. Then I was sad for me...but also sad for him, that he lost what could have been his best buddy growing up with each other, always having a constant playmate right by his side....that had that special twin connection to him.

Then this morning...my 5 year old daughter had snuggled in bed beside me during the night and Logan was sleeping in his mini-crib right beside her. She woke me up in the morning by saying "Mommy where did we get two babies from" her question woke me up from my sleep but got me confused...what was she talking about? I asked her what she meant and she said "When did we get another baby?" Again I was confused? Was she dreaming? Was she seeing something? Some angel baby? His twin? I tried to ask her several more times what she meant and she didn't answer me anymore...she must have woken up enough to realize she made no sense.

But it's stuck with me today ever since.

Does anyone else who has had a vanishing twin, keep having similiar thoughts or feelings pop up out of the blue? Reminding you what life could have or would ahve looked like if you had not lost the other twin...not only for you but for your child.