When DW and I were deciding about donor sperm, we found an excellent book in our local library, which I found particularly helpful on the topic of whether, when, and how to tell:
Amazon.com: Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates: Answering Tough Questions and Building Strong Families: Diane Ehrensaft: Books
I shared my dude perspective on deciding about DS in a long reply to someone else in this thread:
http://forums.fertilitycommunity.com...post1107438751 (I've posted about it lots, but that long post is the best summary of several issues in one post.)
Briefly, though...I wouldn't say I ever opposed the idea per se (like, "DS is just wrong or unnaural!"), but it took me a few months to wrap my head around it and accept it for myself. There's an instinctive "other man's sperm" objection that I think never goes away entirely, but I overcame that by framing it all in terms of what being the "real" father means, to the point that the donated genetic material is just that - donated genetic material. The DS doesn't represent another father, or lover, or anything that would threaten my postion as husband and father - just raw material we needed someone else to provide. In a twist, we ended up with twin daughters (almost 2.5 months old now) using donor eggs and my own sperm that was found through a micro-TESE procedure, but the same thinking is true for both of us about the donor eggs. (Try to imagine that scenario, too, and how you would feel about it, to relate to what DH might be thinking.) It was raw material we needed and we're both thankful to the donor for it, but the babies are *ours*. We plan to be open with our kids in age-appropriate ways, so they won't get every detail right away, but we hope the facts of their conception will be so matter-of-fact from an early age that it won't attract the mystery and power that keeping it a secret would.
Good luck.