[leelee]

Hello ladies,

I hope you are all having a good weekend. I'm going to have a little time with DH this week (he normally works really long hrs) and I need to talk to him about this IF, specifically starting the treatment up again. He is extremely supportive, wanted to have children as much or more than I did in the beginning, we used to talk and dream about it all the time, but we rarely speak of it anymore. I'm a little nervous actually about bringing this up with him. The last time we talked about it was over 6mos ago, we got different ins. and he mentioned I could start seeing the IF dr's again, but that was it. I think he feels like it depresses or hurts me to talk about it. He has never once said anything blaming or to make me feel guilty about it, even though the IF problems are all my own, and he is 100% ok with adoption. Several yrs back, when my Clomid kept failing and failing, he said if all this doesn't work out then we'll adopt, I was surprised that I didn't have to try and talk him into it.

Anyway, he's not a big talker like I am it's hard for me to tell what he really thinks. I know he'll go along with whatever I want to do. I've stalled on these treatments so long, b/c it's been too heartbreaking for me, without realizing not having a child has probably been heartbreaking for him as well. I almost hate to start going back to the dr, to get both our hopes up, and then to have them crushed as they've been so many times. I feel as if I don't at least give it another try it's something I'll regret forever. I think I've come to a stage in this IF after 7yrs that is difficult to describe, I feel as if I've deprived my husband of being a father, and my mother years of the enjoyment she would have had with a grandchild.

I'm just not sure how to even have this conversation, I know he won't be mad or anything like that--the opposite, I'm afraid he'll get his hopes up too much. Give yourself a pat on the back if you finished this and please give me some advice if you have any. Thanks so much, leelee