[Tracey23]

Hi guys - I haven't posted on this site before but after af arrived this time I just had the need to talk to people who hopefully understand what i am going through. Let me start from the beginning. I had a pre-term labor almost 6 yrs ago, Oct 19, and I was 21 wks 5 dys along. The Drs say that I have an incompetent cervix and a retroverted uterus (tipped) which needless to say makes getting pg and staying pg difficult. Every now and then the loss still hits me like a mack truck and I can't believe after all these years that I am still reduced to tears by the smallest things. Recently I had my first IUI and for the most part I didn't feel any different, I actually posted somewhere that I knew that it didn't work and I was ok with that, but then I started feeling sick, tired, my breasts hurt and I had to pee a lot. I had some spotting around 12 dpo so I actually then convinced myself that I was pg. You can imagine that I was devastated when af arrived. Even though I wasn't pg I still can't help but feel the loss of a baby, I know it doesn't make any sense but I can't shake it, and it was this that made me think of my son all over again. I wa hopeing that I could get some advice from you ladies on how to deal with these treatments and going through the motions every cycle of maybe being pg and then having af arrive, because I know I can't go through this every time, I actually thought to myself that I would rather not have a child then go through the loss of my son every month. Please, if any of you have some way to put some perspective onto this it would greatly be appreciated.