[InfertilityCrushed2]

I failed to realize that all of the reasons that we were together were still there. So now, as I try an fall asleep at my Mothers house in my Old room I think of her, my DW. Usually waking up around 3am missing laying next to her, the trips to Chicago, the going out to eat, the BBQs, the Sinatra playing on the radio as we eat dinner, holding her hand, squeezing her tight, her brownies, cutting our lawn, working on our house, I miss her. I was so blinded by IF that I couldn't see all of this! I lost the big picture. I think back about the things that upset me between us, the flaws or differences that I saw. They were bogus! Total BS! Yes we have differences. We always have and we were happy! We have been married 6 plus years and 4 of it had been with IF as a 3rd always present partner and at the end of the day, I LOVE HER.

Sorry, I just had to vent a little. Take care and have a great day everyone. Please stay safe and I hope that there are lots and lots of baby making tonight!

InfertilityCrushed2

P.S. Kerben your answers in order I believe. Yes I always wanted kids. I love kids! I am an only child but my Mother is one of 12 so I have cousins and cousins and more cousins. Even last night a cousin who I am particularly close to came over to visit my Mother and brought his two children. Wow, I adore them. I just want to hug them to pieces! What Broke me? I was selfish. I felt helpless, angry, mad, frustrated, and ashamed. I was furious at the process of IF. I hated subjecting my DW through test after test and procedure after procedure only to have her end up heart broken and me not knowing what to do to take the pain away. So I withdrew. I was so sad and unhappy. Everyone else just does this or does that or gets married and BAM 6 months later they are expecting. I was pissed and couldn't take it anymore. Like I said I broke. I let my DW down. Why did my mind change? I don't believe that it did change. I always have prayed for children. My God I want to be a Dad. I want to go to the park, I want to teach them right from wrong, I want to feed them, change them, get up in the middle of the night with them. I would love to have that responsibility! So NO, my opnion on the subject of children never changed. My eyes were opened. The FOG or smoke of IF was lifted and I was reintroduced to the very reasons that I fell for my DW! She is an amazing person and I was a fool plain and simple. I let the periphial issues in our life cloud the BIG picture. I love my wife and Very very much want to be the Father of her baby!