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Originally Posted by hope4baby
have you talked to her face to face since all this happened?
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Hello Dear Hope4Baby,
Yes, I have talked to her on several occasions face to face and on the phone as well. I have profusely apoligized and admitted that I was wrong in the way that I handled IF. That it got to me in the worst way. That I totally lost the BIG picture. When I see her now I usually end up in tears because I just cannot bear the thought of not living out our dreams that we both shared. I know that I have been responsible for holding back on IF among other things as well like affection. That I became emotionless. I was distant and empty because I felt helpless. I took responsibility for all of my actions. Everyone of them. She wants to deal with the house and our belongings. Who gets what. I told her to take everything because without her I have nothing. That for me, the sun rises with her. She tells me that it is over. That I cannot undo the damage that I have caused or take away the pain that she has felt. That the cards, the flowers, the letters, or the middle of the night texts do not diminish her suffering. I told her that it is ironic that the very thing that she wanted more than anything, children, is what I crave now only 2nd to being next to her. The last month has given me an entirely different outlook on life and returned my values to what they always should have been. With my Grandpa's health issues, my Mother's 50% chance at life and now the possible loss of my wife, I have regained and have a firm grasp of what matters most to me in the world. HER, my wife. She is that one person who makes me feel safe from everything. I told her that I want to be there for her. That I swear on my heart that I want to protect her from all evils. So she told me to stop trying to manipulate the situation and use her heart against her. That she has made a descision and that she is going through with the divorce. She told me last night that she is looking at a Condo today. So I am crushed and devastated. I wanted to be the father of HER kids. I wanted her. Yes, I made terrible mistakes in judgement but they were fueled by my disdain for IF. So in the process she lost trust in me and I lost her. I am trying to keep my chin up. I am trying to fight for her. To let her know that I care but I think that this is only irritating her more. I sent her a text message today: "Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue, (DW's Name) I will always love you. Many thoughts of you. Please stay warm today. I miss you."
So that is where we stand. Her sad, untrusting, and very angry and me crushed that I caused my own divorce with a court date looming in less than 30 days.
Sorry for the less than chipper and very choppy reply. Just sad that I failed. Thank you all though. I appreciate this site as well.
Stay Safe,
InfertilityCrushed2