[theresa0604]

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome.

I started AF today so the plan is that tomorrow I'll go to the RE for a pregnancy test (wouldn't that be a miracle if it were positive - ha!) and then complete a mock cycle with Del Estrogen then the lovely PIO (Yuck). Both shots are IM so I guess my butt is going to be pretty sore again Around day 15 I go in for a lining check and then around day 25 I go for a mock ET and an endometrial biopsy. I assume all of this is to ensure that my lining does what it should!

I guess after this mock cycle we'll then have to meet with a social worker (part of the protocol with my RE) then we can get down to business. Not sure how long then the process will take but to be honest, I'm just so resentful that once again we find ourselves "planning" our life around trying to conceive. I hope I don't sound resentful but after 6+ years I'm just tired of trying to plan and just wish that we didn't have all these troubles. One of the complicating factors for me is that I travel for work. It becomes challenging and stressful when I need to make a business trip but have to work it around the "unknown" demands that IF presents. In addition, we really aren't planning on telling anyone about this attempt or that we're going the DE route and that gets complicated this month since we have family visiting on Day 15 of this cycle so I'm going to need to come up with good excuse/fib as to why I need to leave and be gone for 5+ hours (my RE's office is a little over 2 hours away so that adds to the complexity of the situation) - Arrrggghhhh. I don't want to not be truthful but I also don't want the pressure of everyone knowing everything that we're doing and wanting updates - I know it's because they care but the pressure of disappointing everyone was just too much with our first 2 cycles. Our last IVF cycle we also kept to ourselves until we got the BFP and I know that it helped me stay more relaxed and focused ... now if I could have just done this 10 years ago that little embryo might have had a better chance of making it the entire 9 months but I guess that is one of the downfalls of being 40+.

I just need to focus on the end result and if all goes well, next year I'll be planning a leave of absence for maternity leave and then we can put all this behind us ... that is the type of planning that I'd really like to focus on.

OK, I'll hop off my soapbox now! Hope you all have a great weekend!

Theresa