[lei_lei_1026]

Hi everyone...I'm new to this forum and to the concept of support groups online. I thought I could deal with my feelings on my own but I have realized I need to "talk" to others who are in the same positoin as me, infertile and heartbroken. I have some great friends whom I know mean well but it is difficult to speak to people who have kids or who are pregnant. Of course it is easy for them to say to me that "it will happen", "don't think about it too much", "try not to stress", and so on. In addition, it is difficult to want to talk to any of my friends who are pregnant. One good friend is having her baby shower on March 16th and I have been helping her mom and mother in-law plan the shower. A part of me wants to come up with an excuse not to go but I know I can't. I'll be in the room with two of my other good friends who are also pregnant. I am anticipating an emotional afterwards when I'm in the safety of my home.

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year now and nothing has come to fruition. A month ago we made the decision to seek the help of a fertility specialist. This past month we did timed intercourse with Clomid. I have been on the Clomid for 4 months, 3 with just my OBGYN and 1 with specialist.
I just got my AF today which means I will be in the doc's office on Monday to start IUI for the next cycle. Is there any info that you can share with me in regards to this procedure? Any would be greatly appreciated.

Every month has been a disappointing and heartbreaking. In the past month I have been more sad than all the sadness throughout my life. It is hard to keep the faith and continue to have hope. My husband and I have been through the whole "it's not fair" scenario. Watching news stories of people who are horrible parents, prostitutes and drug addicts having children. Yet there are really good people who can't concieve and would make loving parents. It seems very imbalanced and so unfair. Such is life, right?

My husband and I had a discussion last week, early in the morning about the possibility that we may not have a child. And that we need to start accepting that reality. We have decided to try the IUI for a couple months and if nothing pans out then we are going to stop. I don't know how much disappointment I can handle. I know I have read people's stories of trying for 5 years and I can not see myself going that long. Hope is something that I have always had but it seems as if it is slowly fading away. I know that my husband is just as affected as I am and if anything it has brought us that much closer, in the past few months. He no longer tries to make me feel better by saying things but rather he just listens and holds me.

I feel that by joining a support group such as this, I can keep the hope alive with the help of you. I hope I can do the same for you all. With this being said, any thoughts and discussions will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading.....I know it has made me feel a little bit better writing some of my thoughts and feelings down, a form of therapy for me that I need to get back into.