[Charloto]

Just thought I should start out by introducing myself. My name is Charlotte, I'm 27 years old and i've been married to my wonderful husband for 10 years.

The very first year we were married was the only time I was ever on any birth control. For about the next 3 years, we weren't really trying to conceive but we weren't Not trying. It's been over six years now that we've known for sure that we were ready to start a family and have been trying... with no success.

I've been diagnosed with PCOS and I also have Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I haven't yet made that step to see a fertility specialist.. although I think of it every single day. I even have the clinic number in my phone and a huge note on my monitor telling me to call.. just call. I don't know why I haven't made that phone call yet. I'm just so scared. I want nothing more in the world than to have a child with my husband and I'm so frustrated.

I guess I came here because I feel so so alone. My family can't understand. They can sympathize but all I ever hear is "It'll happen if it's meant to" or "just adopt." But no one understands the heartache I feel inside, the failure.

My sister has a 9 year old son and is now 6 months pregnant with her second, another boy. I just received a call from my best friend telling me she is pregnant, her second as well. I'm happy for them... but there is a part of me that is so angry and it makes me feel like such a horrible person. But I can't get rid of those awful thoughts.. "why is it so easy for them?".."how can I be truly happy for them when all it does is remind me of what I don't have?"....

I'm just having a really difficult time tonight with my friends news... and I needed to reach out.

I'm sorry for the long and depressing introduction, I just couldn't keep it in any longer.

Thank you for reading this far.

-Charlotte