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sigh..
It's so very hard to see everyone around you get pregnant and have babies while you wait and wait... and wait.
It's actually what pushed me to find this forum last night. My best friend called me all excited to tell me that she's pregnant. With her second child. A part of me wants to be happy for her simply because she is my friend and if she's happy then I should be right? But mostly I'm angry and furious with her for bringing another child into her crazy world. Her boyfriend abuses her, very violently, they do nothing but argue and fight. I gave up trying to help her or talk some sense into her a loooong time ago.. but now she wants me to be happy for her? I can't find it in me...
My sister is 6 months pregnant with her 2nd as well and I am very happy for her but it still hurts a lot. She has a beautiful boy, my sweet 8 yr old nephew who i love more than anything. She was so hoping to have a girl this time around but found out she's having a boy (of course she's still happy) but I felt this huge sigh of relief because I want a girl.. just want a child so badly but some part of me felt so threatened that she'd not only have the only 2 children in our family but she'd have the perfect little family. sigh.. I feel so horrible.
We've been trying for over 6 years (not not trying for years before that) and every single friend and family member has had atleast one child in that time period. Even now as I write this atleast 7 of my close friends/relatives are pregnant. It's so very hard to put on a happy face and attend all the showers with gifts that you just want to be buying for yourself...
I cried in my husbands arms last night... I'm just saddened to my very core.
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