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Hi everyone,

I am new to this board, but I have been reading, and you all see to be so supportive of one another. I hope that you all can offer me some advice...

To sum up a long and painful story, we lost our sweet boys in January at 20 weeks. The pain and emptiness has been indescribible. I have also been through a lot physically due to some mistakes and oversites of the resident that delievered my boys. To say the least it has been a very trying time emotinally and physically.

After 5 years of TTC (2 trying, 3 not not trying) my husband and I did IVF with ICSI to concieve our precious boys. Our "plan" was to try IVf one time and no matter the outcome we would adopt future children (something we both have wanted to do, esp. me!) The outcome of this pregnancy was not even on our radar at the time, so I know things change. Well now we are talking about having another baby in a few months. We both feel that right now is not the time, but maybe in a few months we will be ready to start.

The issue is that my husband has now said that he wants to do IVF again, while my heart is really set on adopting. I just really do not feel that it is in my heart to do another fresh cycle of IVF or pregnancy again. The pregnancy would be a very hard and highrisk one that would include a surgery and bedrest for the majority of it. I truely feel that in my heart adoption is where I want to go.

I know that adoption is not at all an easy process, and there are risks of loss there as well. But honestly physically and emotionally I know that that is where I am suppose to go. It has always been such a dream of mine. I do not want to subcomb to his wants if they do not feel right for me, or if my heart is not in it, as I do not want him to do that for me. But where do we go from there?

I also know that I am still grieving, and my mind my change (that is why we are waiting, but I think it is VERY unlikely that it would change by my own doing). It really causes some disagreements. He says he feels bad asking me to do IVF again becasue of everything we-emtionally (I-physically) went through, then why is he?

I would just love some advice from you all, esp. if you have been through this before!

Thank you all so much!