[J-LYN]

HI ladies.. sorry I was MIA for a few days.. went out of town,and just been crazy ever since.

I got AF just as we returned from our trip. So now I'm on estrogen 3x a day, and 4 estrogen patches as well. On this coming Sat. they will thaw our one last embie. It is frrozen at 2pn stage, so its' another waiting game to see if it makes to to blast. Dr said t doesn't look so great, but hey.. miracles happen, right?

I am in the same boat with you girls. I'm gonna b 43 in 6 months... i get frustrated that I did wait to long. I met my hubby 16 years ago... and I should have put my foot down a long time ago, and said this is what I want, with or without you... I was scared. I talked myself out of it a time or two.. thinking we would be a happy older couple and travel.. etc... but the desire to be a mom never went away... until I turned 40 and it starting pounding in my head every day all day, and all night. I'm like the girl on baby mama movie that watches every baby i see, and every pregnant woman I see.

I'm scared to death about my options left at this point. If our baby doesn't make it, then I am going to apply for another loan (???!!!) OMG! to use DE. I have to... I can't NOT do it.. Does that make sense?

For some reason I don't get the loan, I don't know waht kind of state of mind I'll be in. I honestly fell like I am out of MY MIND at times! I've NEVER in my life been like this with credit... and now I'm sinking farther into debt, and don't care. Please tell me I am not a nut job.

I know I'm getting a little ahead of the game, because our one, could just be THE ONE. and I'm praying that it is. But after all the heartbreak I've been thru, it's hard to be hopeful.. I just want to be surprized by my little angel making it all the way to BFP.

I hope you are all well, I've missed you, and I'm so excited for everyone continuing on with treatment.

I start PIO on friday... (!)

oh yes... I forgot to say too that the first RE I went to told me that if my FSH was over 10 she would seriously recommend DE and not to waste my money on trying with my own eggs. that the chances would be about 4%... I was devastated even though I didn't know my FSH yet. So then I went to my DR. one of the best here.. and my FSH came back 15.5. I told him what she said.. and he said it wasn' t true.

well, of course, I fell in love with him, and wanted to try my own eggs. So here I am today, praying that my one little embie left from decembers cycle is gonna be my one that sticks.

ok I think I'm a total hormonal nut case on estrogen overload. But thanks for listening.

Hugs as always

Janet W