[danniele]

I am 24 and my husband and I have been trying to concieve for a year now. I've read other postings and I know a lot of you have been trying for much longer. Believe me when I say my heart breaks for you. I have went thru months of depression over it. Just like many of you, I have several friends and sisters who are pregnant or just had babies. It's been the hardest time of my life. I feel so alone! My friends and family keep telling me that they "understand" and "can imagine" how I feel, but they can't unless they've been thru it. I just need some kind words from women who know exactly how I feel. My husband is so kind and supportive, but he even admits that it's not been as hard on him as it is on me. His younger "attn grabbing sister" just "whoops" got pregnant and then comes to my house at just 4 wks pregnant and tells me how hard it is to be pregnant. For those of you going thru this, I'm sure you agree when I say people are so inconsiderate to us infertils. They don't realize how they break your heart in an instant with just a simple comment! sorry to blab. I'm just excited i can finally talk about this to someone who understands! Best of luck to all of you.

[Becjo]

Danielle, I can tell you from past experience that sometimes we try to hard to get pregnant. My husband and I tried for 5 years and then finally came to terms with the fact that it wan't going to happen. We made plans for our family to be two. As soon as we gave up trying, well guess what God gave us? 8 months later (he was premature) a beautiful baby boy. I was never able to conceive again. The whole time we were trying I kept begging God for just one more child. I gave my first son up for adoption when I was young and was always afraid it was the only child I would have. God opened his ears to me when He thought I was ready. I hope you will find peace within yourself to be happy for those who are blessed with children. You sound alot like me when we were trying to have a child, and I know how painful it is when you are going through life looking at everyone else as if they were the only ones blessed. Open your heart to these children in your life even if they are not yours. Blessings to you, Bec

[danniele]

Bec, thank you for responding. My mom tells me the same thing. I try to continue to have faith and remind myself that God is in control. It just gets hard sometimes. I do love my neices so much! They actually help at times. I just can't help but blame myself and think that I've done something wrong and God is punishing me. I KNOW it's not true, but it's hard not to think that way. I will be more than happy to adopt if it comes to that, but right now doctors seem to just want to give you hope where it might not be there. We just want a child so bad! But again, I know when God is ready for us to have one, we will. It just helps to get all of this out of my head. Well, thanks again for your helpful words!

[TMorris]

Originally Posted by danniele

Bec, thank you for responding. My mom tells me the same thing. I try to continue to have faith and remind myself that God is in control. It just gets hard sometimes. I do love my neices so much! They actually help at times. I just can't help but blame myself and think that I've done something wrong and God is punishing me. I KNOW it's not true, but it's hard not to think that way. I will be more than happy to adopt if it comes to that, but right now doctors seem to just want to give you hope where it might not be there. We just want a child so bad! But again, I know when God is ready for us to have one, we will. It just helps to get all of this out of my head.

Danniele -- Just my opinion here, and you know how opinions are (everyone has one...) -- having faith has nothing to do with reproduction. Faith-less people have babies all the time. Faithful people are infertile all the time. And every imaginable human scenario lies in between and does indeed occur.

Do NOT blame yourself.
One of my own problems with the whole notion of faith-based procreation beliefs is just that -- the implication, said or not, that somehow one's faith or lack thereof is the root of infertility. That somehow, the infertile are at fault.

It is natural and normal and common to feel like you're being punished whenever things like infertility happen. Virtually anyone has or will experience those thoughts. I can't help but think that if you tie your "level" of faith to your fertility, you are setting yourself up for more self-blame. Struggling through a sense of shame/blame that has arisen from hard times (such as infertility) is the very thing that brings us all first, to our knees and, second, to whatever truth we come to know that will make our lives beautiful in the end.

You don't want to hear this, because you're in pain -- but at 24 and having tried for a year, your doctors are right in wanting you to have hope. Statistically, someone in your shoes age-wise and TTC-timewise has the absolute best odds of conceiving with or without assistance that exists on the planet. Don't give up yet -- persevere. Don't blame yourself, any more than you would blame yourself for having a cold. And I really hope you don't blame yourself when have a cold!

[danniele]

I know I shouldn't blame myself. I don't know why these stupid thoughts get into my head. Deep down I know that it's not my fault. I just get in these depressing moods and think the worst. Thank you for reminding me that I shouldn't think that way. I know the odds are with me and I know others have it so much worse...Anyway, does anyone know anything about Metformin? I have been taking it for 2 wks now and I know that it is supposed to regulate me. Well, I was supposed to start on the 27th and now as of the 1st, I haven't. I took a test and it was negative. Maybe the drug just isn't in my system enough. I just don't know much about it or how it works. My doctor wasn't very clear. I know that it's made me incredibly sick to my stomach from day 1. So, I know it's in my system somewhat. If anyone knows anything about it, I'd appreciate the info. Thanks!!

[Cris76]

Hi Danielle,
I know what you are going through...It seems the more you want to get pregnant, the more people around you actully do!!! And you sit there...just hoping and praying that some of that luck flies over in your direction. It is very hard some days. I know deep down inside that it is going to happen...we are going to be MOMMIES!!! It may just take a bit longer for us...maybe we just need some help getting there rather than simply getting pregnant the "old-fashioned way". Keep your chin up and a smile on that face..I hope it happens for you very soon ...write back

[Angelwithhope]

Daniele,

I know how frustrated you feel. My husband and I have been trying to concieve for almost a year as well and too no avail. My regular family doctor refered us to a Gyno because I have been having some very wacky and LONG periods! (Up to four weeks!) Today was our appointment. The doctor told us exactly what I didn't want to hear, that although I am healthy and just need a little proding to get things straight as far as my periods go, the doctor is worried about my husband's sperm count. (7 million when the norm is 20 million.) I walked out of the office showing the doctor that I still have hope but my heart is breaking! He has told us that the possibilities of us concieving naturally are very slim and that we may have to look to ICSI or IVF. At 22, I am very disheartened. I think as long as we can lean on the people around us, we can get through this hard time in our lives. My friend's sister is living proof that miracles do happen....after being told that she would never have children she is now pregnant with TWINS! Keep positive and look to others for support.

AngelwithHope!

[melren7]

Hey, Danniele! I am actually replying to your question about metformin. I was on that too, and it sucked. I had the same kind of stomach issues and had to go off of it. It didn't really do all that much for me bc I wasn't on it that long to tell, you know. I actually had an insulin resistant test done to see if metformin or drugs like that are even what I needed. YOu should ask your dr. about it. I'm 26 and my husband and I have been trying for over a year also. I just found out another one of my good freinds is pregnant! I know exactly how you feel. Everyone around you can get pregnant, but you can't. Hang in there! I'm right there where you are! Keep me updated on how things go!

melren

[mrs_keith]

Danniele,
I know exactly how you feel. I am 25, married for about a year and half, and we have been trying to conceive for just over a year. I have been very upset about it. Most of the women my age have just had babies (whether they have a stable relationship or not) and it is very discouraging. My husband has been great. When my friend called & told me she was pregnant, I cried for over an hour and my husband just let me cry. I am getting better. I've learned to accept the fact that the timing may not be right in God's eyes, but it still hurts to see babies and want that so badly. I hope that we both get our wishes soon.

Mandy

[eternal]

Danielle- I totally understand. I go through the exact same thing. My cousin, who is 8 wks pg, will whine for an hour about how bad it is -- even though she knows we have IF issues. Finally the other day I told her, "Kara, I'm sure you're having a hard time, but I have to tell you, I would give anything to feel that way." She just hugged me. Later, she said she never even thought about that. So maybe it helped both of us!

[chrissie10105]

Danielle. Hi I knowexactly how your feeling. I'm 24 and my hus. 29 and we;ve been trying to concieve for about 15 months now and still nothing happened. I stay depressed also, of course most of my friends and family has kids or r pregant. I get sick of hearing that were"trying to hard" or "just give it time". Why can't people just understand how bad it hurts to have it thrown in our face that we don't have kids yet. My cousin had a baby to months ago, and I remeber when she was pregant telling me that I was lucky cause being pregant is harder than it seems. She just don't know how lucky she really is. Sometimes I just feel like I must've done something to upset God and thats why He hasn't blessed me with a baby. Well I wish you the best of luck, I just wanted to let you know you are notalone. chrissie

[SDunnBrown]

I know EXACTLY how you feel danniele. I am new to this site and when I read your post it was like taking the words right out of my mouth. I too am sick of hearing 'just give it time'. My husband and I have been trying for 2 years now. I have done lots of painful testing and so far nothing is wrong with either of us. In Janurary I am going to start some type of drug. I chart my temp each morning and read every possible book or article. MY husband tells me to stop reading things bc it will make me more depressed but for some reason it doesn't. I'm already depressed about it. Good luck.

[beans]

Don't give up. Or maybe think you are giving up. When I threw in the towel, after 7-8 years of some real agony, I gave up. Decided things would have to be. The NEXT month I was pregnant. Joe is now 25, a mining and mineral engineer, and a sweet kid. My husband, his dad, died in 1997, when Joe was 16. Don't give up.

beans