[Cris76]

Hi Everyone,
My husband and I have been TTC for over three years now. I am 28 and he is 31. When we first started trying, and it didn't happen, I always thought...that's ok, next month...but every 32/33 days, AF made an appearance. We have tried everything, from BBT tracking to ovulation predictor tests - nothing. I have been to see my doctor and I did all sorts of blood tests and an ultrasound. Everything is NORMAL! Which makes it even more frustrating...My husband will be doing blood work and a test to check his sperm count next week. All I can say is there are days where I am very sad, wondering "why me?". I think back to 1996 when I got pregnant by accident with a former boyfriend and I had an abortion. Now I see what I am going through and it makes me feel guilty and so horrible...My husband is supportive but he thinks it is just a matter of time. I, on the other hand, am not so optimistic some days. I have had 3 close friends of mine get pregnant and give birth this year. One of my friends gave birth just yesterday!!! I am so happy for them but a small part of me is so jealous - hoping it was me in their shoes...It so embarrasing to even admit this, almost horrible...It also doesn't help when everyone around you is asking "so, what are you guys waiting for? what's taking so long?" As all of you know, this is such a touchy subject and hard to discuss with people who have not experienced the same thing. I am tired of hearing, "just relax, when you stop stressing about it, it will happen" or "it's all in your head" or "maybe you two are timing things right". I just wanted to talk to people who are going through what I am feeling, for support..Please write back

[Kimbokarrie]

First off- what kind of doctor did you go to? If it was an ob/gyn that could have been the problem. Most of the time they understand pap smears, birth control, and delivering babies- but don't have a clue about infertility stuff. I don't know how many times I have heard woman say that they were given a clean bill of health, or handed a 6 month supply of clomid and told to have at it! I did it for four years and I was so frustrated- because no one seemed to really be listening to me.

I would suggest seeing someone that specializes in infertility- because they are better trained to handle these situations. Getting a sperm count is a good start- cause it very well could be him.

As far as you feeling depressed - I think that is perfectly normal and we have all felt that way at one time or another. Which is why boards like this are so great- because we all "get it."

My suggestion- at least once a month go out with your hubby and just have fun. Don't think about your timing, or your temp, or anything else. Enjoy each other- and then go home and have really good sex! Don't worry about positioning or whatever....just enjoy each other. It is so easy to get consumed in trying to get pregnant and we forget to actually live our lives.

Good luck- and I hope that you are able to find some answers

[eternal]

Hi Cris! I know exactly how you feel. People who have not been through this just really don't understand. Everyone keeps telling me it's stress -- when I quit worrying about it, it will happen, etc. Well I wasn't stressed about it for the first 18 months, so if it was just stress, I would have concieved then, right?
I think people are just trying to make me feel better, but it makes things worse. I, too feel jealous when I visit friends in the hospital with thier new baby. . . and then I feel guilty for feeling jealous!

[Lil Miss]

Oh boy, who of us infertile couples hasn't heard that old standby "relax and it will happen?" It just infuriates me. Unless you've walked in our shoes, you can't relate to the pain, sadness, disappointment, anger, and frustration that infertility brings. I'm so sorry that your friends have had such luck and you've not yet had the baby of your dreams. Just think that you are still very young and anything is possible.

Oh, and I agree. Why do people with poor parenting skills have no problem conceiving? If they only knew what it's like to ache for a child.

[Jackie5]

Cris76,

I want to stress what Kimbokarrie wrote - I think it's good advice for you to hear - having said that, I'm going to repeat what she said, that basically "not all advice is the same." I went to see two regular ob/gyn's about getting pregnant and didn't get anywhere past getting Clomid for about six months (although I did have an HSG for one). I even went to one fertility specialist who did a lap on me but still didn't get me anywhere near pregnant.

Then I found my wonderful reproductive specialist who worked like you wouldn't believe to get me pregnant. She really knew her stuff. I believe that if I really couldn't get pregnant, we would go thru all the different avenues with her. I can say that it was pretty time intensive and I was getting stuck a lot but she sure did have a pretty good idea of what was going on inside my body.

So just because one doctor says you're "normal" doesn't mean you can't get a little more help from somebody who really knows their stuff. You're still young but if you want more than one, you should go see a specialist who can really help you get the show on the road.

Good luck and stay in touch - let us know what you end up doing.

Don't feel guilty anymore about what you've done in the past. I always say, "Would of, Could of, Should of." We don't have hindsight before we do stuff, do we? It doesn't work that way, does it? You deserve to be happy now and if pursuing getting pregnant is what you really want, throw your heart into it.