[MarkShell68]

Hi, my name is Michelle. I am 36 years old. I have two cervixes and two uteruses. My husband and I have been TTC for about two years now. I have had one miscarriage. I started taking clomid last year and became pregnant in August 2004. I was diagnosed with a Complete Molar Pregnancy (amniotic fluid, no fetal parts) and had a D&C. The only problems with Complete Molars is that they can form Gestational Trophoblastic Disease, a form of cancer that can spread to your lungs. Even though you have a D&C, your body continues to act as if it is pregnant and your HCG levels rise rapidly and high. Well, you guessed it, this happened to me. I had to have chemo, first by injection and then when that didn't work, by IV. I finished chemo the day after Thanksgiving 2004. Thankfully, it did not spread and I kept my hair! I had to have exams and blood work every week, then every two, then every month. I am still having blood work every month. I was given the green light by my oncologist to start trying again in May 2005. So far, taking my temp, using a fertility monitor, nothing has happened. My OB has again prescribed clomid, but doesn't seem to think that I need to see a specialist. He just gave me a prescription for clomid and progesterone and basically said go have fun. He doesn't expect to see me again for a year unless I'm pregnant. No clomid challenge test, nothing. I am going to try the clomid starting this month, and possibly next month and if that doesn't work, I am going to demand that my doctor get more proactive and refer me to a specialist. If he will not, I will talk to my primary, who is a woman and who, I hope, will understand and will refer me to a specialist. If not, I will fire them both! I am depressed, sad and angry. Especially b/c it seems that I am surrounded by pregnant women .. a friend of mine just told me she finished her first trimester and made the comment about "we weren't even trying" .. which is just not something to say to someone suffering from infertility. My husband is very supportive, but I'm not even sure he understands.

I just wanted to talk to someone who understands. Sometimes I feel selfish for feeling angry when I see a pregnant woman, but yet I'll watch all the maternity shows on the Discovery Chanel ..

This is the first time I've ever posted ..

[j_murphy]

I understand how you're feeling. I can't imagine going through everything you've gone through but I know how you feel with the frustration. We've been trying for almost 2 years and nothing. The last test I had done was just denied after out insurance company said they would cover it. Now after all that I don't want any more tests b/c I highly doubt that the insurance will cover it. We can't afford to be putting all this money into tests that we're not sure are even going to tell us anything.

I hate seeing people with children they don't deserve and don't take care of. Every time I see that I just want to break down and say why could you get pregnant so easy and we want one so bad and we can't get pregnant. My cousin just had a baby and I'm not even happy for her. When I was told I seriously had no emotion and then reflected and thought why do I feel this way? Why can't I be happy for someone else when they are so happy? No one understands. My mother-in-law said tonight maybe it's just stress and you should just relax and give it another six months. I sick of waiting a couple more months which then turn into another couple of months.

I'm sorry to ramble so much. I hope everything works out for you and you and your husband are able to get pregnant soon.

[Rorygilmore]

MarkShell68 -
I am sooo sorry. I think we all can sympathize here even if we have not gone through the same problems. I also feel very angry/sad when I see pregnant women or young children. Generally, I love Halloween because I love handing out candy to the kids, but I could not even face it this year because I was so jealous, depressed, angry, frustrated. Take heart, stay strong!

[coco1976]

What does your coverage dictate as far as how much you have to see a regular doctor before you can see a specialist?

Sometimes all you need is six months of trying under medical supervision and then they can refer you out to a specialist.

I wouldn't wait a year - that's his/her crazy timeline and not yours. Especially if you want to try to have more than one.

What does your health coverage say about how soon you can see a specialist? Are you in an HMO where you need a referal then?

[Sweet*Angel]

Hi i have been trying to conceive for the past 2 years and there is no luck. Im the same way when i see someone who is preg. or has kids. Yesterday i was sitting in the doctors office and saw a very young girl with a baby and a bunch of other little ones. I kept saying to myself why?? why can these people have kids when yet ive been trying for some time and there are no results. Can anyone tell me what i can take or do to make my chances of having a baby greater? someone please help

[Canna]

Hey, I was reading your reply, and I have something in common with you. I've had a miscarraige, and I hated it. I was also recently told that my cousin was pregnant, later I told my husband that I hoped she would have a miscarraige, I felt so evil, I guess it was just jealousy, and I don't actually want her to have a miscarraige, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I just wish I could have a little bit of the joy they do. I'm not even old enough to adopt, you have to be 25.

[TiffW]

Hey Michelle,
I am new to this community as of today as well. I read your story and wanted to share mine. (I need encouragement too today) I am 34 and my husband and I have been TTC for almost 2 years. After 9 months of attempts my OB sent me to a specialist. We had basic tests done and a small uterine polyp was found and removed. I had high hopes that was the problem and would conceive but here I am staring my period today, 6 months later. I get so blue. My husband and I are going back to talk to the endocronologist (sp?) nex week. I will say that I think the specialist has really helped. I at least know for sure that I am ovulating and that my husband's sperm is normal.
I think he will want to put me on clomid and/or progesterene next?
I would love to hear how that experience was for you and how others have reacted. This site makes be so thankful that women are willing to share there pain, encouragement and success stoies. I try to stay hopeful but feel so frustrated and want to scream at every pregnant person that complains of morning sickness. my husband is so supportive and wonderful. I just need some additional support from all of you. thanks

[slobin]

Michelle,

So many things I want to say and I'm in a hurry. First of all what you went through was horrible! I'm a health care practitioner (also sufffering from infertility/repeat miscarriages- 2 years of it), but I have read every infertility book, web site, etc. and you MUST see a reproductive endocrinologist at a fertility clinic. You can't listen to your OB and sit back and wait especially not at 34 b/c time flies when TTC and time in precious now. Esp with the 2 cervixes- that is complicated and you need a specialist- not an OB. Make an appt. ASAP and have full work up. As for the jealousy, I am full of intense jealousy for every woman who gets pregnant and I will admit NOT the slightest bit happy about anyone else's pregnancy- unless they have struggled with infertility. Just read these posts and you'll see that feeling is universal- EVERY woman struggling with fertility hates all women who get pregnant easily and especially those who don't even take care of themselves. Also your friend who told you "....without even trying" is selfish and insensitive- You should tell her that what she said hurt your feeling and why. If she doesn't understand she's not a good friend.

Tina

[Rangeline]

I just PM you with information about a new treatment to become pregnant.

[slobin]

Did you PM me? I didn't get anything.

Slobin