[rexie]

My DH brought up donor sperm the other day. Until he mentioned it, I hadn't even considered the possibility. Mostly, I assumed he wouldn't want anything to do with it, but his reasoning was that if we adopt, the child wouldn't have either of our genetic traits -- with donor sperm, the child would at least have mine. Plus, I'd be able to experience pregnancy and childbirth. I still don't know if I'm comfortable with the idea. Our infertility isn't completely due to his low sperm count/motility, but it's certainly one of the contributing factors. Donor sperm would help tremendously. Is donor sperm a consideration for anyone else? What are you reservations, if any?

[slobin]

I would consider donor sperm in a second if we had male factor. I think it would be hard for DH, but not as hard as seeing me miserable b/c of never being able to be pregnant. If your DH is open to it I say go for it if it will help you get pregnant.

[jt1214]

I also say go for it, if you DH is all for it. Good luck with what ever you decide.

[barb_wall]

My DH was diagnosed with Azospermia (zero sperm count) over a year ago...while it took over a year for us to make the decision...and after a lot of tests and unsussessful tratments on DH......we have decided to use an unknown sperm donor...we choose the donor through an on-line donor bank...and actually went to pick up the "tank" together...my first IUI was scheduled for last Thursday but had to be canceled due to unexpected bleeding...hopefully my next cycle we will be normal and we will able to try again...now as for the "whys"...he knew i very much want to experience a pregnancey...and also this way the baby will be at least biologically related to one of us...the decision was hard...and i am still everyday dealing with the "who do you tell"...or "do you tell"...but the way i look at it is really no ones business...and i know this is the right direction for us....B
____________________
Me - 36
DH - 33 - Azospermia
TTC - over 3 years (w/o B.C. over 7 years)
First IUI attempt 7/6/06 (canceled)

[CreoleInDC]

I guess I'd do it but I think I'd prefer it if the donor were a relative of my husband.

[rexie]

Thanks for your comments, everyone. Hearing others' opinion about donor sperm is helpful to me. Like many of you, none of my friends are faced with infertility so I really only have you guys to bounce ideas off of.

Creole, my husband mentioned asking his brother to donate. It feels awfully personal to me (his brother's sperm in me ... a little awkward, you know?), but I like the idea of my DH's genetic traits. Can I ask why you specifically prefer it to be your DH's relative and would you be uncomfortable at all?

Barb, why did you choose a stranger? And you're right, it's nobody's business. Confide in who you want to, but no one has the right to know.

Thanks again for everyone's comments.

[CreoleInDC]

I don't know. I guess it would seem more weird to me if it were a stranger instead of a relative whose medical history I'm familiar with. Same gene pool so you wouldn't have to wonder who the child would look like.

If our problems were with my eggs being bad I would'nt HESITATE to ask my sister for some eggs and I don't think she'd blink twice before giving them to me. Just keeping it all in the family would feel better for me but it's whatever YOU are comfortable with. That's what is most important.

[rexie]

Yeah, I wouldn't do anything I was really uncomfortable with. It's just nice to hear differing viewpoints, helps me put things into perspective.

Thanks.

[barb_wall]

It was a hard decision to use a sperm donor vs. adopting...but once we decided with donor sperm the decision to go with an unknown donor was an easy decision...dont get me wrong...we talked about using a family member...but DH is an only child...he has one male 1st cousin...who was big time into drugs a few years ago...now as strange as it sounds we did consider using DH's step dad...who of corse would not have the same genes...but the whole "he would be the granddad and the 'father' " just did not set at all with me...in wanting to keep the fact that we are using a donor a very priviet issue...involving family members would not make that an easy task...so in the end we used the sperm bank that my RE suggested...it was strange picking him out...both DH and i did it seperatly first and then together we discovered that we both had the exact same fisrt and second pick...and we were able to get the first pick...is it still strange...YES...but DH is very ready to do this as am i...and in the end...not only will we have a baby...but i will have been able to experence having a baby...and that is really a big thing to me...B

[jenedens6102]

Barb,
My DH was so against donor sperm when it was first mentioned to us but after having a year off to think about it he's changed his mind. However, he's using it as an absolute last measure. If the IVF doesn't work that will be our last option in his mind for a biological child of our own. We've met with my best friend and her husband, who are currently expecting baby #2 in just weeks, for New Year's Eve and discussed with them this option. My friend's DH and my DH have developed the best relationship over the years and he's the only one my DH trusts with this type of proposal and they did accept. So if IVF doesn't work we will use a friend for donor sperm.
Keep us posted on how things go.

[g_doll]

DH and I have been TTC for about 2 years now and after 2 failed vasectomy reversals we have decided to move on to IUI with donor sperm. We haven't selected a donor yet- but we will be selecting a one from a sperm bank. We chose this route rather than ICSI-IVF mostly because of finances (we already spent lots on the 2 reverals) and also because DH just wasn't up for more surgery (to aspirate the sperm). Anyways.... I am very excited about this whole process and feel very comfortable with this decision. Now we just need to get down to business and choose a donor. I have an IUI scheduled for next month.

[barb_wall]

Good Luck...i know it can be a hard decision to use donor sperm...we have gone through that...we actually have purchased the unit..but then discovered there is a secondary IF issues with me..so the unit is on hold until we are ready to try the IUI...so you are using a sperm bank...we did the same...do you plan to share this decision with others....we are keeping the decision very privet...and have you given much thought to the idea of telling or not telling your child once he or she is old enough to understand...that is something i am still dealing wiht...B

[g_doll]

Yes, we have given it a lot of thought and we have decided not to tell anyone for now. We do plan to tell our child at some point in the future and then they can decide who they want to tell/or not. I am not ashamed of the decision or anything, in fact I am very confident that this how DH and I are suppose to have children. I want my child to feel confident and complete so I do plan to be up front with them in proper stages according to age. DH and I even went to a Reproductive Theripst and talked things through to make sure we were on the same level and felt good about conceiving through DS. We came out of the visit feeling confident and more sure that we were doing the right thing. The RT even showed us a couple children's books that would help to explain to the child about the way they were conceived- they were really neat! Anyways, it's really nobody elses business except ours and our child's so we will just play it by ear and work it in as we feel fit into our child's life. I just hope that this works and we are able to have concieve and bring up a little blessing in this world together, and hoping the same for all of you trying so hard for the same gift!

[jmcrane]

My DH and I are also using donor sperm.. But in the beginning my DH told him mother..yes told his mother and she wanted us to use his brother. She said that he would not mind at all... Okay she just took if for granted that he would not mind and did not ask me if that was okay with me.. So there started the WW111 of the Crane Family.. So then when I told her how I felt she said that was fine but the child would not be welcome into her family... UGGGGGG...
So I said that was fine too. and My Dh stood behind me totally.. What a shock..
But know going thru 2 iui's already, remarkable that she calls me everyday and asks when do I go back and can she go on the day it is done.. I said no... Yes I know that is being mean but hey I can not forget..

So if no I mean when it works, I will then decide how to tell my child when the time is right. My DH does not want us to tell the child.. But I feel like I have to be honest but it will be at a certain age that I am comfortable with it.. And I am going to put my foot down and handle his mother so she will keep her big mouth shut...

[maggie01]

My DH and I are using donor sperm due to a genetic trait that he carries, which we did not want to pass on. It was a long decision process, but I really want to have biological children and this seems the best solution. We picked out characteristics we both wanted and found a great donor. We won't be telling anyone or the baby, not b/c we're ashamed, but I don't see any reason not to consider DH the baby's "real" father. Why make things more complicated? I don't think it would do any good/make the child feel any better, and I know DH feels better knowing that no one knows any different.