[Charloto]

Just thought I should start out by introducing myself. My name is Charlotte, I'm 27 years old and i've been married to my wonderful husband for 10 years.

The very first year we were married was the only time I was ever on any birth control. For about the next 3 years, we weren't really trying to conceive but we weren't Not trying. It's been over six years now that we've known for sure that we were ready to start a family and have been trying... with no success.

I've been diagnosed with PCOS and I also have Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I haven't yet made that step to see a fertility specialist.. although I think of it every single day. I even have the clinic number in my phone and a huge note on my monitor telling me to call.. just call. I don't know why I haven't made that phone call yet. I'm just so scared. I want nothing more in the world than to have a child with my husband and I'm so frustrated.

I guess I came here because I feel so so alone. My family can't understand. They can sympathize but all I ever hear is "It'll happen if it's meant to" or "just adopt." But no one understands the heartache I feel inside, the failure.

My sister has a 9 year old son and is now 6 months pregnant with her second, another boy. I just received a call from my best friend telling me she is pregnant, her second as well. I'm happy for them... but there is a part of me that is so angry and it makes me feel like such a horrible person. But I can't get rid of those awful thoughts.. "why is it so easy for them?".."how can I be truly happy for them when all it does is remind me of what I don't have?"....

I'm just having a really difficult time tonight with my friends news... and I needed to reach out.

I'm sorry for the long and depressing introduction, I just couldn't keep it in any longer.

Thank you for reading this far.

-Charlotte

[evita]

to the forum!! I completely understand what you are going through... You will find tons of support here. hang in here...Good luck with your endeavours...feel free to ask and express!!

[sarah16]

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!! Welcome to this wonderful forum.

[cathie]

to the forum ! This is a great place! Have you went to a doctor yet ?

[Charloto]

Thanks so much for the welcome.. I look forward to being able to talk with people who understand and know what it truly feels like to deal with infertility.

I haven't yet seen a fertility specialist, although I have appointments with two at the end of this month to get the ball rolling. I finally made the call... no more being afraid, or rather, no more hiding from whatever truths may be out there. So just keeping my fingers crossed that it won't be horrible news.

As I mentioned before I have PCOS (as i'm sure many here do) lupus, RA and also Antiphospholipid syndrome. So I know there are many obstacles ahead but i'm ready to face them and know that I'll find support here.

Thank you for making me feel so welcome.

[Rob&Irina]

Welcome!

glad you called them
good luck to you!

[lovingwife]

I'm glad you made the call. You will feel so much more in control once you've talked to the doctor. Good luck!

[mnm000]

Yeah!
You made the first step! It's scary, but I think once you get a plan with your RE, you will feel better about the path ahead of you!
Good luck and keep us updated! When is your first appointment?

[hopenpray]

Welcome Charlotte! I can completely related to your avoidance of going to a specialist. Its like before when you are trying with no success its hard, but you know you aren't doing everything you could. The thought of going to an RE means you are really trying and doing all that you can and if the result is still negative you feel you are going to be crushed. Catch-22

Well this is my first cycle with the RE (trying to do IUI with Clomid). To be honest its not going as smoothly as I thought but I feel better knowing that I am doing something - moving forward in this journey. Before I felt like I was in a room with a thousand doors before me and I just stood there. Now there are fewer doors - but I know our baby is behind one!

Good luck and I am glad you found us - it has really helped me with my perspective and sanity.

[Roxane]

Charlotte! Welcome to the forums!!!

We all feel your pain! Im so sorry you are going through this!!! I am 27 as well and I swear once people hear you have been married for 10 or plus years the first question they ask is, " do you have kids?" "do you WANT kids?" Its like a stab in the heart.
You are not alone. I am surrounded everyday by friends, neighbors coworker telling me they are prego and I seriously cant take it anymore!!!! The best advice I can give is just be happy for them and know that it will be your turn someday. I used to just avoid everyone that had anything to do with a baby, but I slowly started to realize I was losing my friendships. And one day when I finally do conceive, who's gonna be there for me when I've turned my back on everyone?
It is still painful all the time, but now I just do what I need to do get by- Baby showers= gift cards. Haha
Hang in there cutie! We are ALL here for you!
P.s. I put off calling my RE for about 2 years until one day I got the courage and now that I know I am doing SOMETHING to get the ball rolling I feel like there is hope!!!
SO CALL!! WE ARE ROOTING FOR YOU!

[Charloto]

You guys are all so wonderful!

I had my first appointment with the fertility Dr. 3 weeks ago. Just found out today the results of the first tests (general blood work and pap.) So frustrating that it took this long and I had to call them, they didn't call me. I can't help but think if they'd been quicker then I'd be 3 weeks closer to getting pregnant.. sigh. Just super frustrating.

My pap came back positive for bacteria, which I was originally told that since I'm having no symptoms they wouldn't treat it. But today was told that since i'm TTC the Dr. wants to go ahead and treat it. So, they've prescribed medication for that. Atleast I have no symptoms.

Most of my hormone levels came out ok, she said my DHEA levels were a bit low and that I definitely had PCOS.

He's starting me on Prometrium to induce a period since I can't even remember the last time I had one. Before I start that I have to go to the lab tomorrow for a pregnancy test, which is just silly because I don't ovulate but I guess it's a safety thing.

Once I have a period I'm supposed to call the Dr. back to set up the HSG test to check for blockages.

I'm supposed to make an appointment with a dietician for the PCOS and high cholesterol as well.

Why does it have to be so difficult and time consuming? I'm not a patient person. I've been waiting 10 years, long enough I say!

Oh, my husbands sperm results were all good so now we know that it's definitely just me. I'm happy he has no issues but it's so depressing to know that I'm the reason we don't have a child.

I'm still waiting for him to contact my rheumatologist regarding the antiphospholid syndrome. My RA Dr. had diagnosed me with it a few years ago and put me on aspirin daily (which I haven't taken for over a year..eep!) I'm so confused about that as well. When she told me I had it she didn't really go into detail about it and I didn't think it was anything serious. Of course now I know that having it is a very serious and dangerous condition when TTC.

I feel a tiny bit of relief knowing that I'm at least on my way, however small the step but it's hard to stay positive.

Keeping my fingers crossed that the prometrium will work quickly so I can move to the next step as soon as possible.

[hopenpray]

I am glad to hear you finally have some answers and a plan of action. I know how difficult the waiting can be - it took almost 4 months for my HSG to be scheduled and I felt the same way (that I'd be 4 months closer to being pregnant). Sounds like you have a lot of appointments to make and doctors to see - never fun. But when you remember what you and your dh are striving for and it makes it bearable to endure. Please keep us posted on your progress. Lots of to you!

[faithhope]

to this wonderful site. i just joined this week myself and i have tot ell you i am so happy i did. i am 30 yrs old and my hubby is 29. we have been not NOT trying for over 2 years and nothing. so we first started with a semen anaylisis and a hsg. we discoverd that my hubby has a very low sperm count for no apparent reason . Hang in there because i know how you feel. I get so upset inside because we want to be pregnant so bad and sometimes i can't help but wonder what if it doesn't happen(i hate even writing that.) anyway if you need anything at all just send me a message..we can go through it together. my family is out of state and all i have is his family which is of NO help at all mentally. so sorry this is long but i just wanted to tell you are not alone i would get an appt with someone even if it is your GYN for some guidence. she s=could direct you to the right people.