[Soki]

Thise words spoken to someone who is dealing with infertility, even at age 20 are probably far from encouraging. What is the greatest source of support for you in your quest for fertility? How have people unfamilar with infertility issues expressed the greatest support for you?

[eternal]

I would say, just listen. I have a few close friends who have had similar problems. They're willing to listen to me whine almost endlessly, and I really appreciate it. I know they realize what I'm going through. Sometimes when people tell you "you have plenty of time" it almost feels like they are saying your experiences are invalid because you're under 30. I really hate that.

[kpxc]

If one more person tells me I have plenty of time I may go crazy! I hate that!

[Kellileanne]

This drives me nuts too! I just don't know why people would say those things when they don't even know what we are going through! We have been very open with everybody about not being pregnant yet and my problems with ovulating. Most of the people I work with know that we have been trying for a while and some even know about the endometriosis/ovulation/crazy cycles stuff. There are only a couple of people at work that just don't realize the issue and say things like, "you have plenty of time," "just relax," and my all time favorite, "you need a baby." The response to the last one is, "from your lips to gods ears!" They look at me like I am crazy and I tell them that we have been trying for a while and nothing! Then they shut up!!! These are mostly the young people who are completely oblivious to IF and have no clue what they themselves may end up going through. I wish I could go back and be that nieve again!

Sorry, I kinda ranted a bit! I didn't realize it bothered me that much!

[biggsista]

I think people just really don't know what it is like until they walk in our shoes with fertility..I must admit I have said to someone that they were lucky to be as young as they were trying treatments..only because your chances do decrease dramatically with age..so when I said that I was just trying give hope to that person. (I guess I am saying, how I wish I knew then what I would be going through I would have persisted sooner in finding out what was wrong). Anywho, just my two cents..this crap stinks no matter how you look at it.. I'm learning just to ignore people with their comments..I'm getting to be an expert at it

[jagjah1030]

Unfortunately, I was able to find VERY LITTLE support from anyone while dealing with IF (even my husband). That's why I turned here. I think it was probably worse because we had secondary infertility. People think that if you have one kid, you should just be grateful for what you have, that it shouldn't bother you that much that you can't have more children. I will say the response that annoyed me most was when you'd tell someone about your IF struggle, and they'd respond with tales of how easy it was for them to get pregnant. The "I just had to look at my husband and I got pregnant"-that makes it hard not to hit someone.

[FurBaby]

I still get this comment! This one and "go home, have a few drinks, relax, it'll happen"

[mihlya]

I have gotten them all, my favourite one must have been one from my friend who was also ttc for sometime when she finally got pregnant she told me "maybe you are using the wrong hole!!!!"

How does a person even come up with something like that?

Mihlya

[Just~A~]

Well, as somone who started trying at age 26, and then decided I wasn't ready for more "invasive treatments" (like IUI), I am proud of you 20-somethings pursuing the medical assistance you need. You never know how long all this s*** is gonna take. Although those first few years of ttc with no luck was HARD; I now look back and go, "It's been 10 yrs.???" And now I'm 37 and may not have time or $ to pursue a 2nd child. (BTW, I thought I would have insurance to cover IF once DH finished his Ph.D. and we moved -- WRONG!! I would have sought medical help again sooner if we had the insurance in 1999, and instead had no $$ and lots of debt 'till I got a GREAT job in '04).

Though you do "have time" -- It's time to get the help you need. Not time to twiddle your thumbs and hope for the best. Right???!!!

Hugs to you all.

Angie

[leelee]

Yeah that comment "you have plenty of time" bugs me cause we started trying young it feels endless as it is. If it were simply a time issue I'd have a houseful of kids. Isn't it funny how some people's definition of a long time differs from ours? Most of my friends get pregnant the very month they go off the pill, they can actually plan their pregnancies to fit in with work and other schedules. They say things to me like "I sure don't want to be big and pregnant in the summer." Oh my gosh, it never fails to amaze me. I agree it's good to see women in their 20's getting proactive about their treatment.

[kpxc]

I always hated that the minute we got married people asked when we were going to have kids, we wanted to wait a few years and it bothered me even then because I used tt say to my husband "What if we actually were trying and had problems? Why do people feel its ok to ask something so personal." People who don't know the probelms we ARE having now still ask and I usually come up with some obnoxious comebacks like "I'm not ready to give up drinking." immature maybe but the looks on their faces are priceless and I get a little satisfaction out of it too!

[mihlya]

Originally Posted by kpxc

obnoxious comebacks like "I'm not ready to give up drinking."

Kpxc, I love that comback, I am going to use it from now on....

Mihlya

[sarah16]

My strength comes from my 3 year old daughter. I hope that I can have another baby but I appreciate even more now, what I have. I also see that in my life I have had everything I ever wanted. I was the one who planned my pregnancy with work, and was able to "plan" my life as I wanted. I need to now trust in others to help me and appreciate what I do have so I don't stress too much about the daily reminders of trying so hard for the second baby.

[Stormi]

I, too, hate when people say that to me. How do they know the complete wrong things to say. I know they are trying to be helpful and supportive but they need to stop and look at things from my prospective. I absolutely hate with a flaming purple passion when people say to me "oh you are still young", "it will happen when it's supposed to" and my all time fav "go home, have a glass of wine and relax, it will happen when you stop trying so hard!" HOW THE HECK DO YOU STOP TRYING SO HARD??????? sorry .. that just really gets to me (could you tell?). My best friend just got married 2 weeks ago and she doesnt want to start a family right away, she still wants to finish school and establish herself in the career she wants. The most common question she gets right now is "So when are you gonna fill up that house with kids?" "When are you gonna start a family?" She gets just as frustrated as I do. I have to say though, she is super supportive of me and gets just as mad at people for their retarded comments towards me and IF. Hubby is pretty good too! Sorry this got so long, guess I had alot to say!

Good luck to all the 2WWers and CONGRATS to all the !! Keep your chin up and keep hoping! We will all achieve our hopes and dreams!

[iHAVEfaith]

I know what you mean.
Im 22 and a year ago i found out i had endo.
I've been trying to concive for about 8mos.
i'ts so hard when your so young people don't understand. is anyone starting a cycle soon