[tanwin76]

My DH and I have 1 child who is almost 4 1/2 and have been TTC #2 pretty much since she was born, with no luck. We don't have a lot of money so we've just been doing what we can from home. Yesterday I found out my brother and his wife are expecting in Oct. I am incredibly happy for them, (this is their first and they are both older than I am) but since I found out I have been sinking deeper and deeper into sadness. They deserve this and it is wonderful news, but at this point, every time I see a pregnant woman, all I see is a uterus that is working properly, and wonder why mine isn't. I made the mistake of telling my mother that I was happy for them, but a little sad also. She lashed out that "why don't they deserve this?" I feel like a horribly selfish person that I can't just be happy for them, and that all i'm thinking about is myself..... I just can't even put how I'm feeling straight in my own head, much less explain it properly. I can't even get my husband to understand, and when I tried to he looked at me like I was being dramatic. I'm sorry, I just had to vent and hope that in this setting maybe someone else knows how I'm feeling and can help me understand it myself.

[Lyss]

oh sweety --- I feel this every single day.. I'm in the very beginning of this and this only my first officially assisted month of TTC but I already feel this.. I've found myself distancing myself from the women on my local playgroup board and not attending moms night outs etc.. because there are just so many pregnant or with three kids four kids etc....

So I find myself not having fun, just being depressed.

Let me know if you ever need to talk.

[tanwin76]

It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this, and that I'm not some sort of monster.... I just hope as my sister in law moves along that at the very least I can keep this to myself and not ruin it for her. ----and maybe get some good baby mojo off her and get pregnant soon!!!

[jagjah1030]

One thing that makes secondary infertility so difficult is the almost TOTAL lack of empathy from others. You feel so isolated. This is a really good place to let your feelings out. We understand, we won't admonish you, and will supoort you as best we can!

[trvlagnt11]

Trust me, I feel that same way. You are not alone. I have been trying since August with no luck. My mom id not one that I can talk too, my sister is going through a simular situation, so it hurts her to talk to me too. I see people pregnant all the time, or friends will announce that they are pregnant, I fell happy for them but sadden at the same time that it ould not be me. We are trying Gonal-F for the first time this month, hopefully it will work. Keep your head up, and think positive. That is the only thing that I feel that I can do.

[jenedens6102]

This is not an uncommon feeling. While it may be difficult and pull us in multiple directions at the same time it's very common around here. So many of us are so excited for those around us who don't have the struggle but at the same time we see that it's once again a blessing we don't have. The one thing I've had to teach myself is that it's not about me. I used to cry for weeks when a friend told me she was pregnant (in the 4 years since we've been trying we are up to baby #29 being born around us) and I'd be just miserable. I try to look at it from another stand point. I'm blessed to have children in my life, all around me, even if they aren't mine. When my time comes I'll be ready for my blessing and never take a single moment for granted but I have to live my life and not let infertility live it for me. Does that make sense?

[dndtaylor]

Hey Amy we are here for you on those days that are just really hard and the good ones too! We all feel what you are going through and we just have to press on, one day at a time. We all have good days and bad, sometimes sadly, more bad days. It isn't easy for anyone that isn't "us" to understand what we are going through. I tend to only let those close to in my life know about our IF struggles, those that I know will not judge me when I've got "negative" feelings towards someone prego or if I just have a bad day. Don't take it to heart what your mom said to you, she doesn't know how exactly you feel in regards to the baby/prego topics. She may know of it, but noone ever "knows" what we feel. Keep pressing on chica, there are fantastic days ahead of you. We are all working for our babies; chat with us anytime you'd like. Hugs!

[tanwin76]

Yeah, my DH and I went to a family gathering yesterday, and discovered that his 19 year old cousin is expecting a baby in August! ARRRGGGGG!!! She is living at home, has no job, and the babys' father just graduated high school, and the two of them aren't even really together. This is so frustrating! I believe that God has a plan and everything happens for a reason, but more and more I find myself looking heavenward and saying, "really? This is your plan? How about those of us who REALLY REALLY want to be parents? Could you please look our way?" I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound so negative, I just get so sad and every new pregnant woman I see, especially those that were not planning to have children, just makes me hurt more.....

[nedege24]

Tanwin, i understand what you are saying, and i am always questioning God when things like that happen around me, but i have come to realize that it is impossible for me to comprehend or understand the mind of God and because of that i stop trying and just continue believing that he has a plan. And as far as, oh and i totally agree with Jene.

[ethansmommy]

I am right there with you. Two years ago when I was trying to conceive, both my sisters got pregnant and my sister in law too. it was so hard for me. Then I adopted my son before any of the babies were born, so that helped some. Now I am trying to have to conceive again, and all my friends are coming up pregnant. Take one day at a time.