[mbc]

Hello everyone. I feel so lucky to have found this message board. I feel for each and every one of you and want to say thank you for taking the time to help me out.
I am 37 (38 next month), I had my darling daughter (DD) 3 years ago, started to try for another baby in October...just when my period decided not to show up. It hasn't shown up since! In March (after one failed Clomid cycle), I was told I had an FSH of 70 and was diagnosed with POF. Two weeks later, I saw an RE, found that my FSH has traveled to 80 and was told that I could not conceive on my own and to consider donor eggs. I decided to try on our own with Clomid (my RE said he would support me but chances were very slim of conceiving) but only ended up with 2 big cysts that are still there. My plan was to try on our own for a few months but after more research, have found it very difficult for anyone to lower your FSH from the 80's and to regain your cycle. Would acupunture help someone like me? I am, to say the least, devastated and confused.
Has anyone conceived with such a high FSH?
Has anyone regained their cycle after 7 months of not having one?
The next phase is to consider donor eggs. I was at first against the idea because I was ignorant. I have done some research, talked extensively with the donor egg coordinator at my RE office and I attened a RESOLVE conference where a panel of egg recipients and donors spoke of their stories. Since this conference, I am seriously considering an egg donor but need help/support/advice.
Will an child from an egg donor blend into our little family? Will the child feel different from his/her sister? Can we love this child as our own ( I already say yes, but can't help think about it)? Do we tell the child they are from a donor? Can I accept the idea that the child will not have my DNA? How important is it to have a sibling for our daughter? Is having one child so bad?
If anyone out there has any advice, stories or wisdom to share, I would appreciate it tremendously. I am at a crossroads and need help.
Thank you!!
Mary Beth

[dherbert]

I just want to wish you luck on your decisions. The donor route is a fantastic way for women who want the experience of carrying their own child, but would not be able to do it with their own eggs. You see as how I said "their own child" Once you have become pregnant through donor eggs, I dont see how anyone would feel as if the child was not thiers. You carry and nurture them for 9 months and though they may not have the same DNA, they are yours! There are quite a few women pregnant now by Donor eggs on here, whom would love to give you advice and tell you what a wonderful gift they have been given. As for telling your child that they were conceived through donor eggs, I would agree its important for children to know the truth, but as for when to tell is totally a personal decision.

Some people are totally fine with having only one child and feel blessed for that one. Some women long for another once the 1st child reaches a certain age.
Can you and your Husband be happy with the one child you have and not always be longing for another? That is something only the two of you know. Will it put strain on your marriage only having one child because you truely want another? just some things to think about.

Much Luck to you

[MarisaD]

Hi Mary Beth,

First of all welcome to this site. There is so much information and support from the women here. They helped me a great deal going through my journey. I do suggest reading and posting on the donor egg thread. You will also find alot of info there. I have a 5 year old son I conceived naturally. Since he was 6 months old I have been trying to conceive another. After trying 5 IVF cycles with my own eggs I decided to go with an egg donor. I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant. The most important thing for me was to have a sibling for my son. As far as this baby not having my DNA, I do not even think about that. This baby is getting everything he or she needs to grow from me. As far as blending into your family, of course it will. You are giving birth to this baby and raising it from the start. How could it not fit in? As far as telling the child, I feel the child deserves to know the truth. I guess it all depends on the reasons you want to have another baby. Using an egg donor is a big decision and one that you must be totally comfortable with. I know I made the right decision. I wish you the best in yours.

[mbc]

MarisaD,
Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate your time and kind words.
Congratulations to you on your pregnancy! I am so happy for you and your family.
It is good to hear from you that you don't ever think of the DNA. I do know deep in my heart that the child will be ours and that the genetic component wouldn't even matter. I guess I am just thinking of all the things that I need to to make peace in my heart that this is thr right decision. I, like you, want my daughter to have a sibling and donor eggs can be an answer to our prayers.
Did it take you some time to come to the decision to use a donor?
All my best wishes to you. You have given me much needed hope!
Mary Beth

[mbc]

Danielle,
Thank you so much for your time and thoughts. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the advice and wisdom. I obviously have a lot to think about and I am so very grateful that donor eggs are an option.
My husband and I are working on making a decision as to what is best for our family. Thank you for helping us!
A huge congratulations to you! I am so happy to read your good news on being pregnant. I needed that extra lift today...thanks!
Take care,
Mary Beth

[MarisaD]

Thank you Mary Beth. I am extremely happy and still can not believe I'm pregnant after trying for so long! Needless to say my son is also very excited about a sibling. Only problem is he wants a brother but I'm sure if it is a girl, he will be just as happy.
After my 3rd cycle we changed to a new RE. At that point we were considering donor eggs but made the decision that we would try 2 more times with mine. Chances using my eggs were only 10%, donor eggs was 70%. After those two cycle we sat down and discussed all the reasons we wanted another child. All those same questions you have went through our minds as well. What it all came down to was a sibling for our son. We knew the only way to accomplish this was to adopt or use donor eggs. I wanted donor eggs because I wanted to be able to carry the baby and feel like it was apart of me, which it does. It is also a part of my DH. I felt if we adopted I would not have felt a connection to the child. We are extremely happy with our decision and this baby will always be a part of both of us! All the questions you have are normal but it sounds like it all comes down to the same reason I wanted another baby, a sibling for my child! Best wishes.