[momof2cnc]

Hi I haven't posted before so let me introduce myself. I am 33 DH is 41. Weve been married for almost 13 yrs. We have two amazing DS 11 and 9 and custody (since 7 mo old) of my niece (our sassy daughter) 4. We have been TTC for 4+ yrs 2002-2004/ 2006-present.
We are just starting our IF workup.

My question is have any of you with older children gotten discouraging comments from others??! DH and I are reluctant to tell our families we are pursing medical intervention because we are aware that they would not be supportive but..strangers??
Yesterday getting my blood drawn/prescription for DH's sperm analysis the tech's/nurses asked if I had children and when I outlined our family they joked that I must be "crazy" or "go drink some water" (implying the heat was going to my head). There were quite a few comments made and it made my heart sink. It has taken me many years to get up the nerve to take a medical approach (I have severe white coat syndrome).
Am I really crazy...??

Should I just be thankful for our blessings?

Thanks for listening.

[casb77]

Yes, you should absolutely be grateful for your blessings, as I'm sure you already are. But if you want more kids and have the emotional and financial resources to pursue ART and raise another child, than you should go for it.

If all those different comments came from different people, they each probably thought they were being clever and saying things no one else had thought of. They likely didn't consider that other people would also be making "clever" comments to you, too. You, unfortunately, are the common link and heard every single one of them.

Just do what's right for you and try to let the comments from strangers roll off your back.

[Rob&Irina]

Originally Posted by casb77

Yes, you should absolutely be grateful for your blessings, as I'm sure you already are. But if you want more kids and have the emotional and financial resources to pursue ART and raise another child, than you should go for it.

If all those different comments came from different people, they each probably thought they were being clever and saying things no one else had thought of. They likely didn't consider that other people would also be making "clever" comments to you, too. You, unfortunately, are the common link and heard every single one of them.

Just do what's right for you and try to let the comments from strangers roll off your back.

what she said... I agree 100%!!!

Good luck!

[momof2cnc]

Thanks...for the support. I am indeed ever so grateful for our beautiful, amazing children. We are very
blessed to have them in our lives.

With that being said...I have tried to get past this yearning for another child for many years and while sometimes pushed to the side it has never went away.

Maybe I need to get a tougher skin..and maybe as we pursue this I will become less sensitive to others attempts at humor...RRRRRRR.

[Rob&Irina]

Originally Posted by momof2cnc

Maybe I need to get a tougher skin...

that's a plan

hey, where in NC are you?

[momof2cnc]

Raeford/Fayetteville area...transplant from OH

Oh and congrats on your babies Rob&Irina ..all of them!!

[Rob&Irina]

Originally Posted by momof2cnc

Raeford/Fayetteville area...transplant from OH

Oh and congrats on your babies Rob&Irina ..all of them!!

thanks!!!
we are from Charlotte area...

Robin

[imagiccat]

I'm in NC west of Asheville.

Momof2nc, you're going to find there are a lot of people out there who are unsupportive. They will even think they're doing you a favor by trying to discourage you, or making those "witty" remarks. Personally, I think that sort of person is just talking before using their brain.

Do you need thicker skin? Probably, but that's for your protection while you reach your goals -- thicker skin isn't going to stop the clowns from talking.

Try to remember that everyone has an opinion on everything and most people never hesitate to speak it. Also remember that if you and your husband are in this together, that's all the support you need. Never expect to get it from any other source, then you'll be pleasantly surprised when you do.

You want what you want (another baby), and no one else in the world can be expected to climb inside your head and heart and know how much you want it. So they'll judge and comment from what's inside their heart.

I have four children already, and when my mom found out that my husband and I are attempting to do this thing, she said, "You don't need any more children! Four is absolutely enough!"

I smiled as pointedly as I could, shrugged, and replied, "Okay, just make sure you never acknowledge it when it's born, and I'll make sure it never learns to call you grandma."

She's never said a thing since.

[momof2cnc]

Originally Posted by imagiccat

I'm in NC west of Asheville.

Momof2nc, you're going to find there are a lot of people out there who are unsupportive. They will even think they're doing you a favor by trying to discourage you, or making those "witty" remarks. Personally, I think that sort of person is just talking before using their brain.

Do you need thicker skin? Probably, but that's for your protection while you reach your goals -- thicker skin isn't going to stop the clowns from talking.

Try to remember that everyone has an opinion on everything and most people never hesitate to speak it. Also remember that if you and your husband are in this together, that's all the support you need. Never expect to get it from any other source, then you'll be pleasantly surprised when you do.

You want what you want (another baby), and no one else in the world can be expected to climb inside your head and heart and know how much you want it. So they'll judge and comment from what's inside their heart.

I have four children already, and when my mom found out that my husband and I are attempting to do this thing, she said, "You don't need any more children! Four is absolutely enough!"

I smiled as pointedly as I could, shrugged, and replied, "Okay, just make sure you never acknowledge it when it's born, and I'll make sure it never learns to call you grandma."

She's never said a thing since.

Thanks so much for your response.

Hubby and I have agreed to keep this experience to ourselves...I would like to share the news with our familes that we are going full-steam ahead into the unpredictable world of ART. I would love to have their support but...I am wary of their responses. So..I think you said it..the only support I truly need if from my loving husband.

It is just outrageous to me that people feel free to impose their own desires as to family size on others.
God Bless you and your family... no matter the size!

Lol...I bet your mom didn't know what to say after that.

[gangof4]

We have 4 kids ages 13,11,4(Almost5) and 2 (Almost 3). And I am sooo careful of telling people we're
trying for another with medical help. In fact, we dont tell anybody. I could just hear all the comments in my head. "Are You crazy? Isn't 4 enough?" or "Aren't you
too old to be having any more?" Even my RE makes comments about me having 4 already. Nothing mean. But she does comment on how she doesnt usually get women who have 4 kids already.
Only 2 people know we're trying again. And no one in my family knows. Hopefully we'll be able to surprise them with a pregnancy announcement soon. And boy will they be surprised!
I also lurked around here on this forum for a long time before making a post. I wasnt sure if I'd fit in with having kids already. I know there are a lot of women
on here who are trying for their 1st. I also have a sister who is struggling with infertility and she has yet to have her 1st. She doesnt talk about it that much at all either.

[CaribbeanQueen]

Great thread, ladies...

I got a few eyerolls from the lab tech at my RE's office when we were TTC #2 (I had our daughter with us at most of my monitoring appointments). Secondary infertility hurts just as much as primary infertility, and I think that for many women, there's just that innate desire to have more than one child (I refer to it as "Mama DNA"). Now that we are pregnant with #2, I feel so grateful to have the chance to be a mom again.

A woman would rarely be criticized for having 2, 3, or 4 children naturally, so why the stigma when she's pursuing ART? I don't get it.

Wishing you lots of luck on your cycle.... You've found the right place to vent! These ladies are great!

[babygood1]

gals Iam wondering if you had kids in the past did you have help with them...like IUI or IVF? Just wondering? Iam wondering what is the cause of my #2 not coming? Can something happen in the birth process that can cause the secondary issues?

[gangof4]

I never had problems getting pregnant in the past. I just had to think about getting pregnant and it would happen.
Seriously. I concieved withen the first month of trying. Actaully my first was an oops
But now it is quite apparent that it is due to my age. I still have a lot of eggs left, just not that many good ones. It had crossed my mind that maybe something happened durring the birth of my last child. But I think that's just me trying to find a reason for it. It's difficult when you dont have an answer. Because then you dont have a solution. Hang in there. You just have to know in your heart that one day it'll happen.

[Sidekik]

My daughter is 18 and my son is 10 so I have received many comments about starting all over. It was my choice to have my tubes tied when DS was born, but with the marriage I was in it was the right choice. My husband now doesn't have any biological children so he is over the moon having one of his own. People are always going to make comments that they shouldn't. But I feel like God gave me the the chance to go through IVF and there is nothing they could say to bring me down off of my cloud. You and DH will make the right choice for you and your family. Don't be swayed by others rude comments.

Sending and your way!

[momof2cnc]

Originally Posted by babygood1

gals Iam wondering if you had kids in the past did you have help with them...like IUI or IVF? Just wondering? Iam wondering what is the cause of my #2 not coming? Can something happen in the birth process that can cause the secondary issues?

We really didn't have issues in the past regarding our fertility. Or maybe we did and we didn't realize it. In our 13 yrs. we have only used the *tmi*..withdrawl method of birth control with success most of the time. This has resulted in one unplanned pregnancy which ended in mc and our two beautiful boys (11&9).