[MarisaD]

Janet - I'm so sorry your going through this. I would be very upset at them for not thawing the one you have. Did they ever give you a reason? Your right this whole process is an emotional rollercoaster. But you know what, in the end when you get you little baby it will all be worth it!

[J-LYN]

Marissa,

I asked why we didn't thaw the one as originally planned, and he said that this one looked better and wanted to give it a chance. I think that someone dropped the ball. It just doesn't add up. Who transfers 1 unless that's all they have? When I had the 1 frozen, I went thru this cycle purposely to put them all together. I am going to ask more questions tomorrow.

I feel like if there is no transfer, then I shoudl have only had to go thru it once, so I can decide what to do from there. Now, if this 1 doesn't make it, I'm going to wait for AF and then prepare for a transfer of the other 1.

When I had just the 1 before this cycle, they had mentioned doing a donor cycle, and putting them together with my 1, and not ever knowing which was which. I decided to go another cycle and combine what I had at that point. Hmmm and here I am again.

Ok I'm seriously a crazy hormonal B today. I know there was a mistake and no one seems to want to agree to it. What can be done now, anyway?

Thanks for listening.

baby dust baby dust baby dust.

Hugs

Janet

[J-LYN]

Heres my update.

Embie made it to day 5 but not to blast, and Dr showed me pics of a "normal" embie and this one. He said that it looked abnormal and if it didn't "arrest" we would transfer.. but it arrested that morning.

So he showed me the photos of this one and our other one frozen at 2 pn... he said the 2pn one doesn't look near as good as the other one did at that stage, he gives it a 25% chance to make it to blast. So we wait for AF, thaw and start PIO and prepare for transfer around the 28th if all goes well.

We also discussed DE. I brought my neice with me. He asked do we want to do DE and put this one with them, and never know... but I said no. I want to thaw and if I have none left. THEN I will start new with DE. What IF this is THE one?!

Anyhow, over the past few days, I'm having a meldown. Having crazy thoughts and think I am losing my mind. Maybe it's just my hormones?

After all the discussion of DE, which I am fine with, I am getting weirded out about my neice being my donor. Will everytime I hand her my baby, will I think it's part hers? will never get it out of my mind, the gift she gave me, so how can I not? I told her everything, and she and the Dr said that's not how it would be at all, and we would forget over time. HUH? I can't imagine ever forgetting that gift. So I was asking her should I use an anonomous donor? She said no, she's the closest thing to my sister, and looks like me etc. I don't know if I'm just freaking out. Any advice ladies?

Thanks for listening, and Hugs

[MarisaD]

Janet - I'm sorry it did not make it. You are doing the right thing by transfering the frozen one alone and not transfering it with others. I would have loved to use my niece as a donor. Unfortunatley she is only 15 years old and she has to be 18 to participate. Not to mention I do think 15 it to young to be doing this. I would have been fine and don't think I would have felt that the baby was part hers. Hey maybe you won't even have to think about it. Hopefully you will be pregnant with the one you have left. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope it works this time for you.

[msa]

Hello everyone,

I've been lurking for a few months now but have decided to come on out in the open. My DP and I have been ttc since January, but so far just a bunch of BFNs. I go in for my blood test tomorrow but am not that hopeful. Two HPTs (Monday, 10dpiui and Friday, 14dpiui) came back BFNs. But, one never knows!

Just wanted to say that all of the posts I've read have been inspirational and so full of hope, despite the setbacks and heartbreak, and I'm feeling in very good company.

to all!

[SwtHoni357]

I think this 2ww is the most cruel thing ever. I think there should be at least a 7 or 5 day visit during this time, even if it is just to reassure.

Needless to say i am in the 2ww. I am have taken over 8 HPTs. I began one 2dp6dt (HPT -), then two 5dp6dt (HPT +), two 6dp6dt (HPT +) and today three 7dp6dt (HPT +). (the HPTs were Clear Blue Easy Digital 5 day sooner, E.P.T. and CVS brand) So what happens today...I start get light bleeding. I have been extermely tired, feels like AF is coming. I am scared. I have looked at it positively with everything being fine with possible multiples, to it being a chemical pregnancy. I gotta make it to doctors office on 6/14 for the beta test, but I am so afraid that I might just cancel the appt. I read that light bleeding is fine, not filling up a mini-pad but seeing clots is a possible issue. The light bleeding occured when I ..TIM coming...did a #2. I saw some blood there, but when I wiped, there was blood. Now my heart aches each time I go to the bathroom.

Sigh...!@#$%^&*......

I am not sure what I want in return with this post but I guess I am just...just scared...i want a POSITIVE and DEFINITE answer NOW...and only GOD knows

[taka]

Hi Janet, I have been out of town and just caught up on what you have ben going through. I am so sorry. I agree with you I would wait and see how this last embie turns out....As for your concerns about your niece, I would much rather have a family members egg then someone that I don't know. Just think the baby will have some of your same DNA. I have been thinking alot about donor eggs lately and I wish I had the option of my sister or niece. My sister is my twin so she has eggs as old as mine and all of my neices are under 15....I know you have to do what is right for you. I am thinking of you and praying that this little one makes it

[taka]

msa... I am glad that you decided to come out..this is a great group of ladies. You said that you had been trying since January, are you doing any type of fertility treatments or just au natural?


swthoni.....Don't give up hope. I have been pregnant twice and each time had implantation bleeding that I swore was my period...

[Mindi_IUI]

Hi Everyone!

Well, good news. I am going in for my 2nd IUI tomorrorw. I grew 4 follies. 20,19,16,15 I got the trigger shot at 3:00 today, which will also continue to make my follies grow. I have the 1st IUI at 8:30 am and then the 2nd IUI Wednesday at 10:00 am. I am very nervous as this will be it for me. Financially I will need wait until November if I have to. By then I will be 44, which lowers my chances of conceiving with my own eggs. So, you know how badly I need all of your that this IUI will do the trick.

I don't look forward to the 2ww. All those crazy symptoms that play with you mind are gut wrenching. Well, at least I know what to expect this time. I will check back in later with an update on my 2ww.

[MarisaD]

Mindi - Congrats on having 4 follies. Good luck with your IUI tomorrow and Wednesday. Try and enjoy the 2ww. Think positive, happy baby thoughts! Good luck!

[bd711]

Hi all. It's been a while since I've posted, but I keep up with you'all often and think lots of good thoughts for everyone.

Janet - I'm so sorry your embryo didn't make it. This is all so d*!#ed difficult. I agree with you and everyone else who has spoken up about it that it makes sense to give your frozen embie a chance on its own before you move on to next steps. You may never need to get to next steps.

So, it's so, so nice that your neice wants to be your donor. But I wouldn't dismiss your concerns. Not because I think that it's a problematic set-up - just that if you do end up using her as a donor, you're going to want to work through all of these questions. And they're not simple. We didn't have the opportunity to use relatives as donors (egg or sperm), but when we were considering sperm donors, we thought about several friends who would be possibilities. But we decided that none of them had the right boundaries to provide the dna and then not consider the kid theirs. On the other hand, we know so many people who have known donors and they work out fabulously. All I'm saying is give yourself the rooom to process it - don't let your doctor or anyone else push you to accept this beautiful offer. You need to come to it yourself. There are a slew of women on the donor egg thread, at least one of whom is using her sister. I encourage you to come check it out. Regardless, I'm still hoping for your little snowbaby to be your answer.

Mindi - Good luck tomorrow and Wednesday! Your follie report sounds great. I'm hoping this is your cycle!
msa - ! I hope your bloodwork came back with a surprise today.

Swthony - What Tamar said! Don't give up hope. I totally know the feeling of being scared to wipe. But implantation bleeding can happen up to a while after implantation. And I even had a full on bleed at 6 weeks. So, no giving up hope yet. Is there any way you can get your beta moved up? 19dp6dt seems like a long time to wait.

Hi everyone else! B

[J-LYN]

Oh Ladies.. I just don't know what I would do without you! I had a "meltdown" yesterday, just everything coming to the surface.

I feel better today, but the reality is still here.

I did have another talk with my neice, but still not sure of waht we will do yet. We are going to wait til after the thaw, since the next cycle is AUGUST, we have time July for all her testing if that's what we do.

Thank you all for the input. I really feel like I have you see what happens with our 1.. before we move on. and that's even an "IF" because of the financing. We have good credit so I'm hoping they extend it a little further!

BD711, You're right, my mind has been swimming with crazy thoughts, about the boundaries, etc. The funny thing about it is, that this neice of mine has been sooo close to me more than she is her own mom, and my sister has made many fights with me about me about our closeness. Althought my sister has offered her eggs, she is 45 and I told her the Doc said no way... but I hope she wouldn't be upset about her daughter offering me hers. I don't think so, but I want to keep calm in the family. The IVF nurse called me today, just to check how I was doing after our one not making it the other day, and she said that if we use my neice, we will have to go to a lawyer and have her sign a release of any rights to the child, etc. gosh, it just gets sooo complicated. BUt I know it's gonna be worth it all.

For you already preggers.... How you feeling? I'm jealous. LOL (In a good way)

Hugs

Janet

Tia... congrats on your et!! It's gonna work!
Mindi... keeping my fingers crossed and sending prayers for your eggs to be good, and stick!

Taka... what are you doing now? Did you ddecide to cycle again?

[taka]

Mindi, I am saying a little prayer for you (to the fertility gods)....I am glad they are doing two iui's!

Janet, I hope that you will come to some peace with whatever you decide....I think that this can be so hard as we always feel under pressure because of being "older".

we are planning to do the IVF again and start stims in July...I am feeling guilty because I have completely gone off the no caffeine wagon...I had completely cut it out and now I'm back to 2 cups in the morning...I also had a beer at dinner tonight which I never do. I think I just need a break from all of the stress of it all.

[msa]

Taka and BD711,

Thanks for the welcome. No au natural for us--my DP is a woman. I've had two rounds of injectibles, this last with Synarel, too, and the after-iui cocktail of progesterone suppositories and estradiol pills. As I suspected, the bloodwork came back bfn. I'm disappointed, but we'll try again. I'm a teacher, so this summer I'm on-call to my ovaries. And Taka, I think I know a little of what you're feeling: I could sure use a dirty martini right now!

Mindi, I'm not a religious person, but I'm sending your way and sending a prayer to the universe for you for patience and good news at the end of your 2ww.

[J-LYN]

MSA-I'm sorry I missed your post.
Are you using a known SD or anon? Wishing you best of luck and BFP is on its way to you!

About the alcohol... LOL I broke down and had a glass of wine the other night too... made me feel a little relaxed... I haven't drank in so many years!

My hubby has a vasectomy, so au natural is out of the pic for us too! LOL

My brother is in a SSR, but he was married before, so he has children from that marraige.. his partner accespts them as his own as well.

Hugs and Blessings,

Janet