[Gemmabean]

Ok, so here's the scoop.... I have a friend who use to be in social work and worked with fostering and adoption. Here's how she explained it to me:

We submit our portoflio/scrapbook to the hospital (DONE). The hospital gets an abandoned baby. They call social services and say we have an abandoned baby and we have a couple who would like to foster and eventually adopt the baby. Social services then gets us to fill out all the foster parent paperwork, and we'd foster for the first year or so. Then we'd adopt.

Social services would much rather place a newborn in a home for fostering that they know intends to adopt so the infant can have a stable environment and not move from foster home to foster home.

There is an attorney involved during the fostering process to be sure social services and the hospital are doing everything legally. At some point there will be a background check on us, criminal check, etc. BUT because my aunt works at the hospital and has done for over 30 years, she can vouch for us initially, so all that could happen after we get the baby.

So, that's what I know. Some of you had asked about the legality of it all, and I had wondered and worried.

AND, since we will be fostering for the first year, my friend said we don't put the newborn on our health insurance, the baby will be covered by medicare (or medicaid), and as foster parents we should receive a stipend each month to help cover the expense of the baby. When you foster social services is the guardian of the baby, we are just taking care of it for them, is my understanding.

After we adopt, of course, everything will be our responsibility.

I'm feeling much better about this, but am still anxious wondering when will the call come.

(For those of you who don't know, we could not afford a "traditional" adoption, so this new option is VERY exciting for us. We thought all doors were closed.)

Thanks again for all your encouragement and support

Love and hugs,
Julie

[shb24]

Julie, it sounds wonderful! My cousin fosters a child and they get like $1500+ a month to do so!

[Gemmabean]

Ok, so I finally spoke to the head of maternity at the hospital where my aunt works.

Sadly, we've been missinformed. My aunt was obviously trying to help us out but know just enough to be dangerous.

We need to retain an attorney, have home visits, background checks, etc. And add even more stuff to our scrap book. One thing we need to include is what kind of newborn we are willing to accept. There are many things to consider.

When all this is done, our book goes in a pile at the hospital and the birth mother picks who she wants her newborn baby to go to.

As DH is quick to remind me, when things sound too good to be true, they often are.

But when you've been an expectant mother for over EIGHT YEARS it's difficult not to get excited (over excited?) about the thought of being a mother.

It's all been just a little frustrating, as you can imagin, what part of trying to have a baby isn't??

I'll keep you posted and thanks again for all the support.

Love and hugs,
Julie

[FurBaby]

Julie, I pray things go your way. I have a feeling they will. You've waiting way too long for this, you deserve it.

Don't give up!!!

Hugs,

[Staci]

Hello Julie,

We are foster parents and can fill in some of the blanks here for you, things may vary slightly in different states but probably not much.

We got into fostering because my step-daughter abandoned her baby with us and DHS was notified when she tested positive for drugs. They asked us as family to foster him while her & bio dad go through their treatment plan. Well that was over 2 yrs ago and they have finally failed their treatment plan enough times for the court to terminate their rights so we can start adoption. Woohoo that has been a long time coming.

We have since been approved as a regular foster and we have talked to several case workers that we know & asked them to keep an eye out for babies that we could potentially adopt. I would recommend that you go through your local DHS or Childwelfare office. Tell them that you would be interested in fostering &/or adopting. Keep in mind there are usually siblings involved with babies and they aren't always abandoned they, a lot of the times are taken by DHS for various reasons. They tend to give parents lots of chances to work towards getting their child back so that can be frustrating but you have to be willing to go through that process in order to get babies. You can also adopt from them but they will be older & usually have siblings or disabilities. The babies don't usually come up for adoption because the foster families fall in love and want to adopt and have first right to that if family members aren't willing.

You will have to go through some fostering classes & the normal home study & background checks. They are the same as a regular adoption but the state pays for it, not you. You do also get a monthly check, once you have completed the above, but I seriously doubt it is anywhere near $1,500 unless you have several children. We get a little over $300 a month for one. He gets medicare and the great thing is that he will now be covered until he is 18 even after we adopt. The adoption will be free for us as well.

The larger, inner city counties tend to have a lot more babies. We have been told at different times that the hospital in our inner city had as many as 4 or 5 babies waiting for foster homes for weeks because the parents were not allowed to take the baby home and DHS has taken over. You can get children pretty quickly usually. They don't have near enough foster homes to take in all of the children in need so the overflow stay in the hospital or go to shelters until space opens up.

I hope this helps. Feel free to ask questions or PM me. I am happy to help if I can. Our little one has really opened our heart for the foster kids. Our hope is that we can have one of our own and adopt another from foster care.

Staci

[ara79]

julie,

hey! i too am praying that things go your way with this. you so deserve it.

[Gemmabean]

I'm having a bad, hopeless day. I'm afraid adoption won't work out for us either, and anyway, I still want a baby that looks like me and DH. I'm not over it.

They will say we don't have enought money to raise an adopted baby. When it's your own, no one is watching you and you can just make do.

I'm afraid we are going to get our hopes up and then be turned down, or not chosen.

It's just all such a roller coaster no matter how you slice it.

Why can't I just get pregnant and have a baby like "normal" people?!?!?

j

[jenedens6102]

Julie, so sorry to hear you so down. I know how much this weighs on you and how much you want to be a mother. Just don't give up hope. Without hope, what else is there?

[Staci]

Julie please don't give up, I know it's difficult, we all understand. Please investigate adopting through the foster care system. They do not have the same requirements as normal adoption & it is free plus you get money while you are fostering.

[tulip23]

Julie,
I was just checking up on your status and I should say I feel down for you too..but not hopeless at all..I'm sure it will work out. Its very natural for you to get excited and I don't blame you for that. You deserve a baby like anyone else. ..and yes..one more thing..you are just as "normal" as anyone else..you just have a problem like so many "normal" people like us in this forum and several other forums everywhere. Don't lose hope..I'm sure there is a baby out there waiting for your love and care...and by God's grace you might just get lucky like many of us here and get pregnant..I like what Jen says.."God can turn any tragedy into triumph" ..you'll have your day Julie..you will!!!

[Gemmabean]

If you'd like to follow our adoption journey, visit my blog at A Family is Born

If you are interested in adopting, I have collected a lot of helpful links and information to share.

Thank you for all your support. I'm still not sure where this journey will take us, but I hope it's someplace good!!!

Love,
Julie

[Gemmabean]

can anyone recomment a home study service in Virginia?

thanks in advance

J

[rebecca0130]

Originally Posted by Gemmabean

You just never know what route you can/will take to motherhood.

It's a very surreal feeling, it's a little like being pregnant and not knowing when I am due...

Love and hugs,
Julie

Julie - this is beautiful to hear. You are so correct about our paths to motherhood - it is up to Mother God and we just have to be patient. Please keep us informed of your progress and news.
My son, the one who made me a mom, was born 8 weeks premature and he is adopted - I cannot imagine, nor do I believe that I could love any biological child more than I love him. He is ours and we were meant to be together - it has been proven to us over and over during his first two years of life. And even with the blessing of his brother growing in my belly, I still firmly believe this.
So many good wishes to you and DH, I will be looking for your further updates!

[Gemmabean]

Rebecca,
Thank you for your lovely post

[rebecca0130]

you are most welcome, keep the faith and hope. It all works out as it should.