[mommasomeday]

I just needed to write in because I'm having a bad day. I had my 3rd failed IVF cycle last month and my husband and I have decided we are going to move on to adoption. So for the past couple of weeks I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about adoption, and agencies in my area and have been feeling more positive and hopeful than I have for a long time. I couldn't sleep last night and started thinking about friends who are pregnant and almost everyone we know having kids and it just started making me feel really sad. I feel like everyone else has reached the finish line and has conceived on there own or through IF and it hasn't been successful. I feel like we are different from everyone else we know. We are going to a party at some college friends of my husbands and all of the couples there will have kids and babies. I am starting to have anxiety about it. I thought I was getting over a lot of these feelings and was starting to move on, but they are still there. Did you feel this way when you were in my place? I'd love to hear from other woman who have become parents through adoption.

Thanks for letting me vent.
Heather

[flashgal24]

Well, I have not been through adoption, but I definitely kow how you feel. Do most of your friends know ya'll have been trying? Most of our friends do, and they just let us spoil their kids rotten. It's not exactly the same as havinng your own, but it certainly helps to have someone to buy for when you're walking through the baby aisle at Target. I'm sorry you're having a rough day, but be optimistic... look at it this way... at least your adoption agency will tell you something your RE never could.... you WILL BE someone's mommy one day!

[mlb]

It does get so much better. Once you get more into the process, and see the "finish line", the pain will begin to subside. That said, I do still have down days every once in a great while and sometimes need to get up when everyone recounts their labor stories. Though most days I add to their conversation by saying they should have adopted; I lost 11 lbs I have come to terms with it, and I know that we had special moments during the adoption process that those parents don't.
Once I held my first son in my arms, I kew why we went through what we did. If we hadn't adopted (and when we did) our boys would not be our sons. We were meant to be a family. On a side note my oldest son has a younger sister who live 20 minutes away from us, and he was adopted internationally). If we hadn't become Zack's parents, he would not even know her or have the wonderful relationship that he does. Talk about divine intervention
Do you have projects to do while you are waiting? Make a child friendly photo album for the baby/child, introducing family and friends. You can buy one of those books where you fill in information about you and your spouse, to pass along to your child. Anything positive that you can do will fill the time, and make your wait better and more tolerable.
Best wishes

[Kari]

Heather,

Yes, I felt the same way. During our wait to become parents I isolated myself from friends and family with children. It was so hard for them to relate to me, and vice versa. I still find myself being uncomfortable when friends talk about planning when they want to have their next child and breastfeeding. Granted, it sure would be nice to have a due date for when I become a mom again..... but it's much easier to listen to now that I am a mom.

I found that during our adoption wait, it helped to talk about adoption when other moms talked about pregnancy and their children. A lot of people have questions, so I felt included in the conversation. Also try to focus on the positive things that you will get to experience, that other friends and family members don't, because you are forming your family through adoption. We have a bond with our son's birthparents that we would never of had otherwise. We have also met a wonderful couple through our adoption agency. And I have a different perspective on motherhood - I think I am more appreciative of every day I have as his mother more than I would if I didn't have infertility struggles.

I have a family member who also has a son that is 11 days older than our son. I feel so much closer to her now because we are experiencing all the fun milestones and experiences at the same time. It makes absolultely no difference now that we became parents through a different route.

I know I missed out on being a parent a little earlier in life and also on Jaxon's first 9 months.......but I have his entire life to spend with him - so what more could I ask for

I wish you all the best!

[mommasomeday]

Flashgal: Thank you for your positive response. I love this board because I know I can just put in to words how I'm feeling and there will be someone on the other end who will send back support. I am having a better day today. It's just one of those things where some days are good and some are bad. And you are right about the fact that the adoption agency will tell me that one day I will be a mommy! Thank you for reminding me of that.

Michelle:
Thank you for your response. You have answered my posting before and you always have great insight and advice. It's nice to hear from someone who has been in my shoes. I love the story about your son and his sister. That is so crazy and it shows how meant to be it was. I do feel in my heart that in the end everything will work out and it will be as it was meant to be and we will have the children we were meant to have. And I do agree with you that I feel it will be a lot easier when I am holding a baby in my arms. I am just a bit overwhelmed with the adoption process right now. I am trying to get over that feeling of being left behind by all of my fertile friends and family because I know even though they might reach the finish line first I will get there too. It's just the waiting. That is a great idea you had about doing projects to pass my time. I love it!

Thanks again
Heather

[flashgal24]

Sure! I'm always glad to offer advice & support whenever I can! One thing that helps me.... go shopping. I hate shopping usually, but I LOVE buying baby stuff. Especially if with your adoption you've narrowed down the gender.... you can buy tons of stuff! Lol, just no diapers or wipes... baby migh tbe allergic. lol

[mlb]

Our road is definitely not for the faint of heart. You do feel like you are catching up, I know exactly what you mean. Thank you Heather for the kind words. I was the first among my family and friends to go through this, and I longed for someone to talk to who really understood. Now I belong to a local adoption group and wish that I had sought them out before (this group as well, as I found it years after our infertility struggles, when my sister became pregnant). It is so much better when you have people who "get it".
Have a great night ladies.