[JessStillWaits]

My husband and I know we would make great parents. I am a psychologist who has worked with children who have mental health problems. Pete is a pediatric nurse.

We do make an awesome income and definitely feel we can afford to raise a child. However, we do have students loans, a mortgage (both of which I think are understandable, and we have 4 degrees between us!) and also a manageable amount of credit card debt. We don't have bad credit, but we do have expenditures that aren't going to make our debt/ income ratio awesome, but I don't think caring for a child is out of reach. We just weren't lucky to be born rich enough to buy a home outright or have rich parents pay for our college educations.

I am more than willing to explain how we could budget and such to a SW at a home study. But all of a sudden I have fears we are going to be rejected based on things beyond our control. And I want to know before we go to far with this, what they are going to think. Especially with all the loss and trauma we have lived through.

Any thoughts?

Much appreciated- Jess

[blondie1016]

Hi Jess
I am wondering the same thing! Thanks for the post! My husband and I have the typical debt, but we don't have much in savings except for our retirement plans. Which we really don't want to touch.. We used the majority of our savings account on IVF. Ugh! Any advice ladies?

Jess, I have been reading your blog. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how terrible beta tests can be... Hang in there! I am thinking about you!

[Kari]

At the time of our homestudy we had a home mortgage, college loans, and a couple others. We used almost all of our savings on IVF, and only had enough left for the initial adoption/homestudy costs. We figured we'd keeping saving during our "wait" and hoped to have the rest saved by the time we needed to finalize the adoption (and we did). I know many couples who could not afford to adopt and had family members pay the expenses and they were still approved during the homestudy. I think as long as you have more income than expenses and you can pay for the day to day costs of a child, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Good luck!

[Kit-Kat30]

I totally agree with Kari.
We have just finished our home study and are entering the waiting time. My DH has been unemployed for the past year, so of course that did "look good" However, since we were able to show how we budget our expenses and that we have a very small amount set aside for the unexpected, our agency and SW were very supportive. I think that it is important to find an agency that has experience with infertility and a basic understanding of the three trials one goes through (physical, mental, and financial). I love my SW and know that she will support us through this whole journey to start our family.

Good luck to you.

[JessStillWaits]

Kari and KitKat- Thanks so much for your reply, this brings me a lot of hope. Infertility has really worn me down, and I guess I want to be sure of the risks involved. It sounds like to me as long as you reason with the SW- as in me saying "This is something we are going to work on before the adoption by doing a, b, c I think that is pretty good." We are already talking about some ways to cut corners and bills, and I think that would help greatly.

[Kit-Kat30]

Just do your homework on Agencies. Some are a whole lot better than others. So look closely at what they offer and listen to what they say. If it sounds really good and off the charts, be wary. I know a few people that have been taken for a ride and still have no child. Education is key.

Good luck!

[Domjen]

We have an approved homestudy, we are going through the state, and we are just about to close on our bankrupcty, so I don't think it be a problem.

[esha]

Hi Jesse. Remember me from the May Boards? I looked into expenses too. We are strapped but I was given the green light (unofficially by a friend who has been through this several times). With the adoption credit and grants out there, most social workers take that into consideration. I am in the same boat now. I haev narrowed down to an agency for Domestic, a lawyer for domestic, and an agency for international so PM me if you want more info. We are going to take the next 6 months to figure out where we stand. We also want to be married longer (to qualify for Int'l adoption)

[sarah16]

My advice to you is to get to know your social worker, they can be your helper when you are going through the homestudy. I know mine was awesome!

[Salim]

My husband and I will probably bypass IVF and go straight to adoption. We are not sure yet.

I am so concerned with the homestudy. We have limited funds and cannot afford to try IVF then adopt.

I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and he has none. We own a 2 bedroom house and I am concerned they will question the space.

We were hoping to have the baby in our room and our 2 kids (ages 14 and 16) in the other room.

My husband works very part time and we live on just my income. If we adopt he will not work at all for awhile.

Because of the adoption expenses and the future expenses of a new baby I do not feel it is the right time to get a bigger place. If we do then we can't afford the adoption or to live on one income.

I feel having a parent in the house is more important than living in a big house but I am not sure a home study will view it that way.

We decided to take a month off to let the thoughts marianate.

We are biracial, my DH is black and it seems like that will make a match happen pretty quick. Lots of african-american mothers hoping for a biracial or african-america family.

And of course finances will be tight but that child would have all its needs met, beyond finances. I just keep resorting to prayer but I don't feel like I am making any headway.

[live2ski]

This homestudy business has me worked up too. My DH and I make a decent income, but we are always working on the house (purchased a short sale 06/09) which in turn does not allow our savings to grow too large. Does anyone have a checklist that SW go through? How crazy do they tend to be about pets? My dogs are very calm and snuggly when it's just us at home, but are overly friendly when new people come over. Has anyone been rejected a child do to pets? How 'perfect' does the home need to be? Since we are updating, we tend to always have projects and I do not know how that will look. Thank you for any information you may have.

[kristyr41982]

We went through the homestudy process with one child already, about $10,000 in credit card debt from IVF, two car notes, mortgage and not a dime in savings. They want to see that you have your money situation laid out and you know how much the child will cost regarding childcare, diapers, food, etc. The good news is they don't act like the bank running a credit check. We also have an aggressive german shepard. He hates strangers. Our social worker watched us go out in the backyard with our son and play with him. she could see the dog was good with us and that was all that she cared about. If your dogs are good with you they will be great with kids. We just made our home look nice, clean, safe and organized. They don't need to see spotless.

[stefanieleigh81]

My husband and I also have a good amount of debt, we owe about $60,000 between us in student loans, 2 car notes, and of course the $20,000 we owe in credit due to the IVF. We have good jobs and make decent money, are current on all the bills, but it doesn't mean the debt isn't there. I am concerned of what they will think of the debt.
Do you know if they are more concerned with your overall debt or how you handle it on a month-to-month basis? for example, in our case as long as the bills are paid and we are good standing plus have money to live and care for a child, does the overall number really matter??

Thanks!!!

[kristyr41982]

They care more about you having a plan and the funds to pay your bills and provide the care for a child. Ours didn't run credit checks or make us bring in statements. Everytime we had a large change I let my worker know. My husband dropped to part-time to finish school and we paid off a car. Both of those were significant changes that needed to be corrected in our homestudy.

[mominashoe]

When we decided to adopt this had me up at night as well. We have a fair amount of debt, plus a mortgage. We have never been late on payments and have good credit. We pay all our bills, and that is what is important. We adopted through the state and they just wanted to make sure we weren't going to be fostering the kids for the money. It really wasn't a huge part of our homestudy, we filled out a financial paper and gave them a copy of my husbands earnings statement. I don't think they ran a credit check or even double checked the information we gave them.

I would say the most important thing in a homestudy though is to just be yourself and be honest. This social worker is going to know more about you than many of your close friends. They ask super personal questions and you have to answer them. Our social worker is now a great friend of ours, she's seen us through 2 adoptions and I know I can talk to her about anything, she already knows everything about me, so why not! Many people see social workers as invasive and an irritant. We've embraced ours as part of our family. I encourage you, if you are going into an adoption that requires a long term relationship with this person to go into it with a positive outlook!