Originally Posted By Bobby2052

Hi All:
I'd welcome some honest feedback from some of you - my fellow "infertility" club members =). Here's my dilemma. My wife(36)and I (31)have been battling infertility now for about 5 years. Docs all agree - there's nothing detectably wrong with either of us.
Over the past three years, we've done 3 IVF cycles. We finally did implant, only to miscarry almost immediately. Docs recommend that we keep trying.
About 6 months ago we decided to get off of the IVF rollercoaster and pursue adoption. We are now formally "in line" to adopt, waiting for a referral from Latin America. The baby's room has been decorated. The crib is in place.
Which leads me to my dilemma. Recently a # of fellow infertile friends of my wife have become pregant w/IVF. Two against some pretty signif. odds. Now, my wife wants to give IVF another shot. Kind of like, "if they can do it, well **** it, so can we". I'm all for it, as I still would prefer a biolog. child. And we can afford it. But it was a tough process that we went through to mentally prepare to abandon IVF and adopt. The plan would be to try IVF at least one more time, while we remain "in line" for the adoption. The adoption would be the fallback. I guess my primary fear is, will the rekindled hope of having a biol. child set us back in terms of preparing to adopt. WHAT DO YOU THINK?? Thanks!

Originally Posted By chazachmom

Emotionally I don't see how you can successfully go through with both scenarios. You need to make a decision that both you and your wife agree upon. Most agencies do not even permit couples to go through infertility procedures while in the adoption process. Some agencies even make you sign an affadavit stating this. It is my firm opinion that you need to be fully committed to the adoption before proceeding any further. There should never be any doubts and this should never be a "fall back". Sorry if I'm being a bit rough, but I am thinking of your future child and that child should always know that he was your first choice and that you wanted him with all of your heart, soul and mind!!!

Please talk to your SW about your feelings soon!

Originally Posted By Jennifer

I'm sure your Doctor checked the shaped of your uterus
(hsg x-ray).Women with a Septum or Bicornuate uterus
miscarry. Just in case you dont know.Three IVF procedures is about the average number of times a couple should try and In my opinion should be the maximum.I know in your heart and soul you need to give it your best and knowing this you will be able to move on.To have peace of mind is the best medicine.I hope you both succeed with your 4th and last IVF than you can go forward with your life.If you are unsuccessful
than you can go forward with adoption. I agree with Chazachmom, adoption is not a fall back but a blessing.
good luck.My husband and I are still trying -I have faith in God.

Originally Posted By Bonnie

If you are using an agency, please check with them before doing anything. Our agency stated that we had to have tried conceiving through any means for at least a year, but that we could no longer be in an infertilit treatment program. Once we made the decision to adopt, the emotional rollercoaster stopped and peace and determination set in. We now have a 2 year old adopted son to show for it. Good luck and stay focused.

Originally Posted By Rebekah

I recently read your message on the Adoptionoard.com about trying again with your 4th try at IVF while preceding to adopt. I was very interested in following up if you and your wife ever decided to try again. I am in the same predicament and have decided to try IVF for a third time while pursuing adoption. We have gone through IVF twice, the first completely unsuccessful and the second I recently miscarried only a couple weeks after implantation as well. This has been an extremely hard time for us both but only know how to move forward at this point rather than being caught up in our loss and not knowing for sure wheter to try again or adopt. Would love to hear back from you about how your 4th try went, if you decided to go through it again or if you decided to adopt or maybe even both.

Originally Posted By Cathie soon amom

Wow. I would think you would be amazing if you tried it again. I did it twice but couldn't do it again. Too much stress. I could see if you tried again because you were pregnant. Sorry for your loss. I was pregnant 13 years ago and lost mine at 3 months. I told my husband I wanted to adopt and not try for IVF #3. We own our own business so money isn't a issue.
I will be 36 soon and want a family before I turn 40.
Good luck Rebekah and let us know what you decided to do. Do you have any other kids?
I just want a baby and adoption you will get a baby.

I don't feel amazing to try again-more like subborn. Getting so close this last time has made it even a harder decision to try again or to simply have the grace to accept what may not be meant to be and look for the blessing in adoption as I now it will be. Thank you for your thoughts as I feel deeply for yur loss as well, although awhile ago I'm sure that you often think of the baby as I will for years to come. My husband has 3 children from a previous marriage but we do not have a child together. Have you started with the adoption process, I started inquiring today and am going to attend a adoption seminar in Jan. Trying to keep the doors open and hope we will find our answer on the journey.

Originally Posted By Cathie soon amom

Yes> I have been signed up with one for 2 months now.
Leave your email if you would like to talk and we can talk about it more in detail..

JBKERTZ@PRODIGY.NET

Originally Posted By Cathie soon amom

How will I know that you are really Rebekah? I'm not going to write unless you respond back. I want to make sure you are not Sandra.........
I only write to one bmom on this board and she is great....I don't want my email address given out....
Thank you for responding.......
If you are the real Rebekah I will write to you...

I'd like to put in my 2 cents worth - please take it with a grain of salt - it is meant to help, not hurt. You metioned that you "prefer" to have a biological child. - That makes me wonder if adoption is an option you should consider at all at this point. Yes, we all need to admit that adoption may not have been our first thought when we decided to begin a family, but I strongly believe that adoptive parents should be COMPLETELY happy with their decision to adopt before going through with it. It's a huge life committment, and issues won't go away - they only get bigger. Any child is a gift from God, and deserves all the love and adoration as every other child. Thank you for listening to me. God's blessings on your decision.

Adopting is a decision you need to be comfortable with. It is never a "fall back" but an alternative and certainly a blessing. My husband and I were married 10 years and had been going thru fertility testing the whole time. When the time is right, you will know. We finally adopted two beautiful children that are perfect for our family, our daughter is now 4 and our son is 9 months. I can't imagine loving children more than I do those two.

good luck!