[EdnCy]

Hello all. I have been doing some basic research on different types of adoption, and I'm finding some conflicting information. My husband and I would prefer an infant that looks somewhat like us (caucasian). So far, everything I've read on domestic adoption tells us that it is less expensive than international adoption and that our chances of getting a healthy newborn whose medical history we know are greater. However, I just found an international adoption site that directly contradicts a lot of what I have seen on webpages for domestic agencies. From those of you who have decided to adopt, I was hoping to find out whether you chose domestic or international adoption, and why.

[mondk]

We chose domestic but my dh has an old felony making it impossible for him to leave the country. Also, our total expenses for our adoption including the homestudy will be around $15k. International is much more and plus, you have to travel to the country you are adopting from at least once and sometimes even twice. Each country has its own set of rules and regs too...sometimes the wait time is 2 years or more, sometimes they want you to be so squeaky clean you can't even take any psychotropic meds like antidepressants or sleeping pills. (I have bipolar disorder so that left a lot of countries out for me)

We chose an adoption attorney rather than an agency. It is cheaper although there is a slightly more of a risk of losing money if the birthmom changes her mind. With an agency and a failed match, usually the money you spend rolls over into another match. And agencies are queens when it comes to birthmother counseling, although we are currently securing counseling for our birthmother as well.

Any other questions? Feel free to ask or even PM me if you'd like!

Blessings, Michelle

[SchmennaLeigh]

Agency websites can be misleading. This page on adoption.com can lead you to a lot of your most frequently asked questions when it comes to the different kinds of adoption, funding, issues like attachment and other pertinent information.

[RosieOgrady]

Hello there, I'm new here but this is a subject near and dear to me. My DH and I re beyond being able to conceive after all the treatments and are now going to adopt. But, you're right, there are so many different scenarios and options, costs, considerations, etc. If you've been going through infertility treatments it's just like that; lots of hard work, emotional rollercoasters, expenses, etc. But there is also, like treatment, the potential for great joy. So, wade through the tough part of it and sit down and write your pros and cons. That's what we did, it is too large a decision to not think through very carefully. I wish you a great deal of luck.

What we've decided to pursue are two avenues - kind of on either end of the adoption spectrum. One is foster care leading to adoption and the other is foreign adoption. We are in the initial stages so you never know where it is going to take us. I'm starting to be okay with the rollercoaster.

We used to think we had to get an infant and through a series of discussions and all we have come to realize that we don't need to go through diapers just to feel as though we've experienced parenting. There are a lot of wonderful kids who aren't adorable little babies who need love, just a loving home. So, after feeling as though I was less than a person because I couldn't get pregnant and having to work through those issues, I decided I wouldn't penalize a kid just because they weren't an infant.

I'm not casting aspersions on anyone who is only leaning towards an infant, but I wanted to give you a sense of my mindset.

I would love to talk about this more if you or anyone else would like to in the future.

Hugs and I hope that this has helped you a little to know you aren't alone.

[futuremom2b]

We did international adoption, as we wanted a baby as soon as possible, and the wait for domestic is based on some one picking you for the family. Internation adoption has a process and a basic general time line depending on what country you go with (if doing international). Our son was 5 months when we brought him home. He is the joy of our lives, and is so funny!
Good luck on your decison.

[Poppycorn95]

We adopted our son from Ukraine in 2000. He was 9 months old at the time. You can view our website Independent Ukraine Adoptions to learn more about our experience...HOWEVER... we haven't updated it since 2001 so the information isn't up to date.

[BabyHope]

We are in the process of filling out international adoption after sooooo many years of infertility treatment. We feel to relief and know for sure that 2,3 years from now we will be parent. The reason we choose international adoption is because we want to give a child from our orgin a great opportunity and permenant home.

[adwalker]

Good luck Babyhope. That is going to be the luckiest child on earth.

[SanInUtah]

I adopted thru fost-adopt and have never regretted that choice. AOL used to have message rooms that you could belong to, like this one, and I belonged to one for about 4 years. Every one of us was on our own path, some domestic, some intl, some private, some kinship.

After the first year or two I figured a few things out...the US adoption companies are just that, companies. Adoption is not approached as a humanitarian endeavor, which really annoyed me. CC infants were twice as 'much' as AA infants, health checks were by consent and had to be taken at face value. In a very few of the cases there were relinquishment overturns but the fear of it was nearly universal. I decided to go thru fost adopt for many reasons. All of the legals were free for me, zero cost to adopt. The homestudy (which is basically a book report with multiple choice questions) was done by the placing agency. My son's medicals are covered until he is 18, all inclusive. He's eligible, as an adopted foster child, for special scholarships. We have an AAP subsidy, since all foster children are considered as 'special needs' in CA, so that helped me to stay at home with him initially. Now it pays for the extra things.

When you adopt internationally, you take on the traits of the society as an obstacle. So say, in Romania, the children routinely have worms, need to be evaluated for preventable illnesses and PTSD, and there were relinquishment issues that just got worked out within the past two years or so. Same with Russia, as well as malnutrition and problems with teeth. Chinese baby girls won't eat unless you put your palm on their foreheads, because they are propped up in the cribs at feeding times...they move and the bottle falls and that's it for the feeding. As a result, they initally have feeding issues. Yada, yada, yada.

The only foreign country I seriously considered adopting thru was So. Africa. They have an AIDS epidemic that has resulted in 40% of the population being infected. There's over 6million 'squatter kids' that line up at soup kitchens daily to eat, of all ages. Foster parents are all volunteers. They register the kids but receive no compensation at all, period. The little ones might be lucky enough to land in an orphanage. At age 18mos they're tested and, typically, found to have 'serum converted' to a negative test. Not only don't those kids NOT have HIV, they're setting the medical world on it's ear because later in life they are resistant to future exposures for HIV...so in essence, they are immune to some extent. When last I looked, So. Africa still cooperated with adoptions and you could do the entire adoption, medicals, travel and legals for under $10k! That's for a healthy CC baby/child/siblings. You name it, it's waiting for a hug.

My son is from Los Angeles County. There's 80k kids in LA foster care but they only adopt out maybe 3k a year! He arrived at age 6.5. I knew his medical history. The county had already conducted a .26 (tpr) hearing and there was no fear of relinquishment. He's hispanic, I'm CC. He has wavy black hair, pale green eyes and a golden tan I would love to share. He's the apple of our eyes and we love him to bits. I didn't get to hear his first coo...but there've been sooooo many other firsts. He's mine.

[mlb]

We adopted both of our sons from Kazakhstan, '99 and '06. We intially were going to Russia but the country shut down so we switched programs. It was a perfect fit so we returned to the same orphanage to adopt our youngest this past summer. Every adoption program has their positives and negatives, domestic and international. Every person has different feelings about them, it is important to go with an adoption that you are comfortable with. What worked for your friends may not work for you. Open adoption is scary and something that is becoming more common every day, even in international adoption. My family had a type of open adoption of sorts, and it's nothing I would have ever expected.
Our first son's adoption was 4 months to travel, our youngest son's took over a year. Yes, we lack information regarding their birth history. But, we experienced their culture for 42 and 25 days respectively and I would not trade that for anything.
My niece was born in Russa, my other niece is from China and my boys are from Kaz. Besides a double hernia in my youngest, none of our children have any eating or attachment issues. Many of these myths can be discounted if you sit and talk to people who have adopted from these countries. I belong to an adoption group where I live and we have prespective parent meetings every 4 months. It is a great time for people to ask any questions that they may have regarding the different types of adoption.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.

[Kay]

We have three adopted children. My husband and I are cc and have two biological. Our "choosen" children are bi racial (aa with either cc or Latino). We adopted two at birth (I was there for both of the births) and one came to us at the age of 7. He is the biological older brother of one of the infants we adopted. We have close contact with both birthmoms, though they live in different states than we do. Being an inter racial family has been WONDERFUL! Adoption has been WONDERFUL. Going into adoption one must treat it as a process very much like IF treatments. There are going to be ups and downs and lots of waiting time!! If you can stick with it there most often is a huge blessing at the end.
Our first adoption was private. Some friends introduced us to our birthmom. The second adoption was through a facilitator in MI. The third was the result of keeping in touch with birthmom #2.
The other caution I have is to remember MOST agencies and facilitators are businesses. Even though they say not for profit etc they are businesses. You have to be very informed and cautious. DO NOT let the emotion and desire to have a child cloud your common sense. Adoption can get a bad rap because of fraud and believe me fraud is out there. Just be wise. If it sounds too good......
Blessings on your adoption journies.
Kay