[jenedens6102]

Yes one of the agencies we are looking into has this option. They were with a major credit card and also with a local bank. I know it sounds silly but DH and I would rather not endure more debt at this point in time seeming how we have four student loans between us that rake up about $900 a month alone! We want to pay down some debt before we bring anymore on. So in the meantime while we are trying naturally we are working on that and saving at the same time. Whether it takes a few months or a few years we'll see as we go. God is in control either way so whatever is meant to be will be.

[amfandrmf]

I admire you for that. I don't have any patience whatsoever. I know I should handle exactly how you are handling it, but when I get my mind set on something I don't always think rationally.

We're trying to get our debt under control right now too. With all the medical bills, it just seems to be adding up way too fast. We finally had to ask my mom for help.

Thanks for reminding me that my life really isn't in my hands. I think I sometimes forget that when God thinks I am ready to be a parent, he'll make it happen. Our church has been completely supportive and our pastors ask us every Sunday how things are going. I don't think I would be as strong as I am without my faith.

[jenedens6102]

Anna, I'm not always the person to look up to. It's just that I work in accounting and my mindset is always on budgets and finances. While we could justify the loan for adoption knowing the tax credit is coming and we could pay it off....it's just another expense to us in the mean time. Know what I mean? I'm weird like that! But when the time is right we'll know it and we will proceed. I too am very gungho when I set my mind on something and trust me I've been very pushy from time to time on this adoption venture. I'd love to start it tomorrow and get in the mess of it but I do see now that it's not the right time. This year has flown by way to fast and we've had some great news and then some not so good news and what we had saved up earlier in the year is long gone on medical bills. So we have to get back on our feet (our comfortable feet) and then we'll keep trudging on.
Oh yes and without God I know I'd be a mess. Infertility is kind of a deal breaker for some. While it may help some get through the tough times it can also pull people away which I fear seeing. He will never leave us nor forsake us, even when the times get rough He's walking right beside us. When we weep, He weeps, when we are full of joy He too is full of joy.

[amfandrmf]

Jen, I'll keep you in my prayers. I hope next year brings much joy and peace to both you and your DH. Keep me posted on how things are going.

[jenedens6102]

I definitely will Anna. I can say at this point that I am 11 dpo and feeling a little anxious. This was our first cycle back in the game. AF is due on Friday. Keep your fingers crossed!

[mdbrum16]

Good Luck Jen, Sending lots of prayers!!!

[amfandrmf]

Jen,
You're definitely in our prayers. It sounds very exciting that your back in the game!! Don't let it beat you down if it doesn't work this time. Best of luck to you.

[futuremom2b]

Jen is correct on the tax credit, we got the tax credit on 12/26 of 2005, and were so relived the paperwork was finalized in the year that we started the adoption because it was expensive! We decided to adopt first because I thought the stress of not having a child would be greater then the stress of going though IVF! The governement pays up to 20K back, but that's if you spend that much or more, which you could do if you were doing international. I think that amount went up in 2006 or 2007? If you do domestic, most costs should be covered.

I am preggo now, and HONESTLY I know in my heart that there is NO way I could love the child in my tummy more then my adopted son. I know once you meet your child (no matter which way it goes), you'll feel the same way too! They just smile at you and you melt, especially after you waited so long to hold your own child!
Prayers sent to you and Jen to become mommies soon! I can't wait to hear about both your plans as you start moving forward. It is scary at first, but so is being preggo... I worry every day that some thing could happen that I have NO control over and it's all up to my body to do all the work. Making through each day/week is a blessing... I never new that being preggo was so scary! OK I'm writing a book!!!!

Good luck!

[amfandrmf]

Hi Andrea,
Thanks so much for the encouragement! It is truly a scary thing whichever path you are taking, either becoming pregnant (along with being pregnant for 9 months) or adopting. This forum has really been the best therapy for me. I am the most positive I have ever been through this whole process. I think I am at peace (at least for now). I never know how long that will last. I'll be starting Follistim next week if everything looks good. I know I had problems with my lining the last time and things were delayed. So, hopefully I can hold onto this feeling of peace through the next few weeks.

Congratulations on becoming preggo! That must be an amazing feeling, but scary at the same time. Did you go through any fertility treatments before you decided to adopt?

My DH keeps telling me that if this IVF doesn't work and we adopt, things may work out and I'll become pregnant later on down the road. We both decided that I'll definitely be more relaxed after having my first child either naturally or adopting. Time is on my side right now and that is one less stress on me right now.

[jenedens6102]

Anna, hold tight to the peace you have right now. You'll definitely need it as you head into IVF. I kept the mind that if it was God's will for our IVF to work it would and so I gave it up before I ever started. Each check point of the cycle went perfect (minus one E2 draw that kind of had us worried) up until the 3rd day after the retrieval when our three embryos arrested. But you know what, because of the peace I had in the cycle I was able to hold myself up and keep going. Even after we conceived naturally but lost it due to ectopic I had the same peace. More so actually because after being told for so long that it wouldn't or couldn't happen it did. So I take each day as it's given to me knowing that the Lord will lead me in the direction I should go. If I'm meant to have a child biologically then He'll help us, if I'm meant to adopt the money will come to us.

[amfandrmf]

Jen, that is definitely a good way to approach it. I keep telling myself the same things. If God wants it to happen, it will happen. This goes back to my control/scheduling demon. I know it is all up to him, but I think I get caught up in it all and put that on the back burner. I keep thinking there's more I can do or something different I can do to change the outcome. I need to let go of that mentality and just accept whatever may come our way. I know he'll let me be a mother one way or another.

You definitely seem to have the right mentality. Keep up the positivity!

[jenedens6102]

I'm there with you again. The control issue is big for many of us. We want what we want and we want it now! But I've seen the detours that come from trying to control our lives when it goes out of God's will for our lives. So I've had to relinquish my control mode to the only one who truly is in control. It took my four years to do this so don't get me wrong, it's still an everyday process but I know I'm in good hands. I still have days when I feel like I need to keep moving but then I have to sit back and wait for that still small voice to guide me on. When the time is right we'll know.

[futuremom2b]

Anna,
I did not do any IVF treatments before we adopted. I found out I had endo, and both tubes were blocked, so the only way we could have a child was through IVF. We met with an RE and he wanted to do more testing, but after looking at the expenses and the statistics 50% of getting preggo, and 50% of not... We decided that we would adopt first and then decide if we wanted more children and if so decide at that point to do IVF or adopt again.

For us it was all about becoming parents, we had the house, we had the dogs, and we were ready to be parents! I am a tad bit older then you and Jen, so when you add 4-5 years the urgency grows! I just know we all have a biological time clock inside us!
The risk of IVF not working would have stressed me out.

Since I think I have yours and Jen's attention.... God did some thing funny ~ our adoption agency lady called in Dec. of 2006, her name is Donna ~ She calls and tells us that there is a little baby (4 months old) in Guatamala (where our son is from), who's foster parents were freaking out and didn't want the baby anymore. They wanted to bring her back to the states and have some one adopt her. Donna wanted to know if we wanted to take her since our paperwork was still current, it wouldn't be too difficult! My DH and I were in complete shock if you could imagine! We were shocked at first... Then we got so excited about taking two of them and having a sister for our son! So the more we thought the more excited we became.
Two days later they changed their minds. I pray for that little girl and hope they made the right decision for her!
After those couple of days of thinking about bringing another child into our lives... We knew that we wanted another one! So the decision came... To do IVF or adopt again. We went back to the RE we met with before we adopted and he said we were very good canidates and we decided we would try it once, consider doing it twice, and because of money ~ we would be done after that, and adopt later on in life.

It worked, and here we are today, shocked every time I look in a mirror!!!!! That's my little story! I do belive that because I adopted I wasn't as stressed about IVF not working, I would still have my son to make me laugh and smile and he is just such a joy. Stress can do funny things to our minds and bodies, so take GOOD care of yourself and if this forum is what helps you stay calm, WRITE A LOT, because I don't want you stressed (easier said than done I know)!
Both you and Jen are a bit younger our RE states at 35 the odds get worse! That darn age factor!!!!!

[jenedens6102]

And Andrea you can't forget that God came full circle and gave you your own baby girl!

Thank you for sharing your story. You and I have talked many times since you joined the forum and I couldn't be happier for you. Each day is a journey but I'm happy to still be able to live!

[amfandrmf]

Andrea,
What an amazingly inspirational story! I think my DH and I would have done the same route except his insurance actually covers it at this point. So, we thought we'd take advantage of it while we still could and we thought the odds were on our side since we are so young. We were considering stopping after the failed IVF, but our RE convinced us to try it one more time.

I hope that poor little girl is okay! What would drive a foster family to want to get rid of a 4 month old baby!?!?! That's scary, I hope it all worked out in the end.

It's definitely crazy how God can just change your path like that. Without that event you might never have thought about IVF or fertility treatments at that point.

I hope my story ends up to be as amazing as yours. I know it won't be over for a while and I know there will be plenty of bumps in the road, but I'm confident that I won't regret any decision I've made.