[amfandrmf]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this site and am on my last time trying IVF. My next option is adoption. I have heard of embryo adoption and don't truly know the pros and cons vs. traditional adoption. I would appreciate any advice on this matter.

[jenedens6102]

Depending on your insurance coverage the costs (when I looked into this late last year) are pretty close to the same. The obvious positive to embryo adoption is that it gives you the opportunity to experience pregnancy, however, that is only if the embryo takes and you don't miscarry. Cons are obviously the chance for the embryo not to implant or something to go wrong. These are just on my list that I made. With adoption I feel strongly led but embryo adoption stopped short for me. I've heard many great stories on snowflake adoptions but I just don't think it's for me.

[amfandrmf]

I think I can't past the idea that I may never be able to experience being pregnant. This is what is making me hold on to embryo adoption. I know there are risks involved, but I keep thinking this is my last chance to experience it all. I was never one to think I would ever adopt. My husband has always been for it. Even before we were married, he wanted 2 adopted children and 2 biological children. IVF has been an emotional rollercoaster already and I don't know if I could handle anymore with embryo adoption.

[jenedens6102]

I know how you feel. I too have had the same feeling. I want so badly to experience being pregnant as well as labor and delivery, call me strange, but it's true. There is just a part of me, especially after our first and only failed IVF, that doesn't feel as comfortable spending that kind of money and risking the same outcome. Now don't get me wrong, if it were fool proof and I thought it would definitely happen (which I thought it would the first time) I'd do it again in a heartbeat. But that was money that came out of our pockets that is going to take a long time to save back up. I'd prefer to go through domestic infant adoption where my chances of coming home with a beautiful baby of my own are greater. I'll love a child regardless of whether I carried them in my womb for 9 months, they'll be my forever child(ren)!

[amfandrmf]

Thanks for all the great advice. I am really learning a lot being on this site. I plan on taking everything in I hear about adoption and hopefully I can start to understand I cannot control everything in my life. I have always been a planner and everything in my life has been done by a schedule. This is the first thing I have had happen to me that I just have no control over. Thanks for listening to me vent a little.

[jenedens6102]

Anna, I'm the same way. I've always been told I was born 30, never taking time to really live my age and enjoy life. I've been planning as long as I can remember. I used to plan my birthday parties a year in advance and always had a countdown going, my parents still laugh about that to this day. DH and I started planning our wedding shortly after I graduated HS knowing we couldn't get married until after I graduated college but I'm glad we took the time we did, everything was perfect. This too was our speed bump. We wanted to wait a few years but after I thought I was pregnant shortly after our wedding I realized how much I really did want to start a family so we pushed that up a few years. Our goal was always to have our first child by the time DH turned 25 because for him he thought it would be perfect. Well today DH is 26 and I'm 25 we've already been trying for over four years and are still empty handed. But after our miracle conception in February we have a whole new outlook on things. The plan still remains the same and we'll keep saving for adoption while trying naturally and we'll see where we end up. We like to set time limits and say we'll try naturally for a year and see what happens then we'll regroup and see which way to move forward.
If you really want some great adoption advice check out our sister site on adoption.

[amfandrmf]

Hi Jen. We are truly alike. I met my husband in my first year of college and after a year of dating we got engaged. I knew I didn't want to get married until after college, so we were engaged for three years. It was the perfect amount of time to have the wedding I've always wanted.

I also had it planned when I should have my children. I always wanted to have my first two children by the time I was 30. So, we decided to start trying after a year of being married. I've always had problems with my cycle. I get it every 6 months! So, I went directly to my OB/Gyn to let her know we started trying. I told her my history and she immediately started me on clomid. Hated the symptoms! After about 8 months of clomid, she decided it was time to send me to a fertility clinic.

They ran the usual tests and thought I had a blocked tube. She suggested that we skip IUI and try IVF since it has better results. I guess I never realized how many problems I would have. The IVF took twice as long as it normally takes. She was also having a hard time finding my left ovary in the US. She sent me for an MRI.

The MRI was bad news. My doc told me "I should just assume that we are going to hit every bump in the road with you." She is a wonderful doc, but this was not the most positive feedback you expect to hear. She told me my uterus is not fully developed. It is about half the size, I don't have a left fallopian tube and my left ovary is way up around my rib cage.

She told me that it was too risky to remove the eggs from my left ovary, so we could only take from the right. It was also quite painful with the Follistim. My left ovary was pushing on my spine and other organs. I was so uncomfortable it was like I was already pregnant. My back hurt and I had a real hard time sleeping. Also, she told me with the size of my uterus I would never be able to have multiples. She would only be able to transfer one embryo at a time.

I guess I thought if I started early enough that I could work out any problems that may occur. It doesn't always work that way. I've started to realize my body may not be capable of having children. It may be too risky for me as well. I don't know if there would be more risks involved having a smaller uterus. Would I go into labor early? I guess these are the types of worries you have trying to become pregnant.

I hope everything is going well in your adoption process. Have you started the actual process yet or are you just starting to save the money? My DH and I may take some time to pay off our medical bills and and get ready for the adoption process before jumping in. We also want to research agencies and hopefully find one that suits us. That is obviously only if this next IVF does not take. I am currently on Lupron and will hopefully start Follistime in about a week.

[jenedens6102]

Right now we are sitting still. We are trying naturally while getting some debt in check so we can start saving for the adoption process. We've researched many agencies and have our top three. We've checked with work on things such as insurance and maternity/paternity leave and would do it all tomorrow if it wasn't so much money.....money we currently don't have. Know what I mean? We just starting trying again this month after an ectopic pregnancy ended with the methotrexate injection. So part of me is so antsy with each day coming that maybe just maybe we could get pregnant again and this time everything will be ok but the other part of me knows it took us 4 years to get that magical BFP. Who knows what the future holds for us but God, we just take it one day at a time for now.

[mdbrum16]

Jen~~~~ I absolutely love your attitude. I just wanted to let you know you completely inspire me!!! We just had IVF with ICSI and AH and we had poor quality eggs that developed way to fast. I only had one left at transfer so my husband is completely done with fertility and wants to adopt. I am excited about the idea too. We are also in the saving part. Our savings has been demolished. When I feel down though I know I can look on here and you are so positive!! Thank you so much!!!!

Misti

[Anastasia]

Great thread! It is so great to read from people who are seriously considering adoption, but are still TTC with and without treatment. It is really interesting that some of your husbands are pushing the adoption thing. That is the same for me, my DH is ready to adopt. Although it is hard to envision not being pg and going through labor and even possibly bf'ing, being a mom is the most important thing. We are going to do two more IUI's, but we are drawing the line at IVF at least at this time. The fact of the matter is, just like Jen said, what if it doesn't work, than we are out over 10k. It is complete b.s. that some stated have mandated coverage and we have nothing in WI.

I hope for the best for all of you.

[jenedens6102]

DH had to warm up to the idea of adopting. He wasn't thrilled with the fertility assistance because he felt it was unnatural....until he realized how much we needed it. But after all the failures we've been through I think it just put a sour taste in his mouth. He has nothing against anyone who does it and keeps going but it's just not for him which means it's just not for us. As far as adoption is concerned at first he had a moral issue with it because he felt he'd want to be picky. Back then he wanted a child that "might" resemble us in some way and coming from a birthmother who wouldn't drink or smoke as we don't drink or smoke. But he got to a point where he started to look at it differently and as more of a blessing then a burden to adopt and go through all the rings we will. But we couldn't be happier. Our savings is definitely demolished (we have I believe $8.05 now) so we have a long way to go but we'll make it in due time. In the mean time we are having fun trying the good old natural way!

Misti, thank you for your kind comments. I love that I can be supportive and inspiring for others going through this same fight. We are in it together and we are in it to win it!

[futuremom2b]

I just wanted to chime in! I have the most amazing son through adoption, and although IVF worked for us after TTC for 4 years I can't imagine my life without my son!
I am preggo now, and honestly the road of waiting for your son or daughter through adoption this far was harder. We adopted internationally and got pictures and videos, but that was it, and I cried for night after night because I knew my son was out there and I couldn't bring him home until OUR government signed papers (the other government was so much faster and easier to work with) .

Anyway he was worth the work and each process has been a journey that has made me and my marriage stronger!
Good luck and if you need any advise on international adoption, feel free to ask, I am such a big fan!

[amfandrmf]

Anastasia, I'm from WI as well, but my husband actually works for a company that covers fertility treatment. Rare I know. Without IVF being covered, I don't know if we could have even tried IVF at all. It would have been just way too expensive for us. I commend all who go through it without any help. That is a tough financial burden to bear.

My husband completely hates his job and only sticks with it for the insurance. Once we're done with our infertility journey, he'll leave immediately. It's a little scary for me because then I know I can't ever go back and try IVF again without completely paying out of pocket.

Jen, I've heard that there are tax credits out there for adopting. Do you know anything about that? I think there are even individual state credits as well? Just curious for how much we may need to start saving for. Thanks for all the advice.

Andrea, thanks for the positive feedback on adoption. I know we will definitely adopt some day, but I'm just completely scared that I won't have the same bond that I may have had with a child I carried for 9 months. I just love hearing all the amazingly happy endings that have come out of adopting. In my heart, I know I'll completely love them heart and soul and do anything for them, I'm just so scared of the entire process.

[jenedens6102]

Anna, I am well aware of the adoption tax credit. However, it is my understanding that this can't be used until the year end tax reporting once your adoption is finalized. I'd still have to save up for the entire adoption and then look forward to the tax credit at the end of the year. I guess the good news could be that if we decided to get a low interest loan we could do it with the hope of paying it off with the next tax return.

[amfandrmf]

Jen, Do the agencies you are looking into have banks they specifically work with? One of the agencies we were considering has a couple banks that will provide a loan of the full amount needed for adoption. Like a bridge loan, I think? Their loan is specifically made for you to use this money to adopt and then pay it back once your tax credit comes back. I haven't look into it completely yet.