[Six]

Hello. I am new here. After two miscarriages, OHSS and problematic and side effects with the fertility meds, and an ever shrinking bank account, DH and I made the decision to stop trying to have a baby 1/2007. We recently completed all the paperwork, classes, and everything done for state foster-to-adopt and for a non-profit private agency.

My dh and I are looking forward to adopting. In fact we had always planned to adopt but had also planned to have a biological child first. Though technically we could still possibly get pregnant, having a biological baby doesn't seem very likely--and we don't expect this to happen.

Although we are not going into adoption the way we had hoped, we are still happy and excited about this and about finally being able to start our family.

I still, though, feel a lot of anger and bitterness over the injustices, insensitivity, and mistreatment concerning the ferilty and other medical treatment I received. By the same token, some of the adoption professionals we have talked with and dealt with have been similarly lousy.

Additionally, I am so sick to death of hearing from everyone that now that we are adopting, we will have a bio baby. Having a bio baby after adopting and struggling with infertility is supposed to be a relatively rare thing. Yet I know 4 people personally where this has happened. (Of course, with no medical intervention.) I should be happy for them-and I am kind of. But I am so very jealous, bitter, and ticked off and just feel like screaming ...and crying.


I hate feeling this way. I thought I had gotten past all the sadness and these kinds of feelings and then a new wave comes out of no where and knocks me off my feet.

I have never been a bitter or jealous person before and I don't like it. Any suggestions for getting past this and making these feeling go away? I would very much appreciate hearing what has helped those of you who have gone through this...

[TiffanyW]

I am so sorry that people keep saying that to you. I really do think it is rude. I don't know if you are a religious person but praying really helps me get over any jealousy issues I deal with. Yeah sometimes the jealousy comes back but each time it is less and less. Also just having a non judgemental and understanding person to vent to really helps. Maybe a good friend. Maybe a counselor. Sorry I can't be of more help. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope your adoption goes smoothly.

[SchmennaLeigh]

If you are dealing with lousy adoption professionals, please search elsewhere for an agency/attorney/etc. You do not have to be treated like crud during the adoption process. There ARE ethical agencies that treat potential adoptive families and expectant parents considering placement like real live human beings. I promise.

Consider visiting our adoption forums and seeking out positive experience with agencies or professionals in your area. Be sure to read the agency discussion guidelines before posting anything about a specific agency!

[Six]

Thanks for your caring responses Tiffany and Jenna.

We are, thankfully, working with a good adoption agency and some good social workers. The process of getting to where we are now has just been "an experience." (And I will leave it at that.)

I did not know about the adoption forums but will definitely check them out.

Thanks again,
Six

[futuremom2b]

Please move forward with your plans, once you have received your little one via adoption, the ignorant comments from others won't bother you as much, and the pain the jealously goes away as you sign your little one to sleep at night... I promise... I speak from experience.

[BelleCadeau]

I felt bitter and jealous of others prior to adopting my son. Once he was in my arms those feelings just slipped my mind. Maby it was being so busy being a new mom. Regardless it is easy to over analyze everyones comment and take them in a context that they probably weren't intending do to insensitive ignorance. Unless you have experience infertility issues people really have no clue the heart ache there is. I still get many people telling me that I will get pregnant now that I have adopted my daughter and I just say it is in Gods hand not mine. Many people will say things with good intentions not realizing how insensitive and painful their comments can be. I still have people say things but my reaction has changed. I will tell you that I also had a deep desire to get pregnant after adopting my son and had finally 7yrs later finally came to the realization that it probably would never happen and felt sad to realize there would be no other little one ( I really wanted a girl so I could have one of each) I am sorry if that doesn't sound good because I am trying to be honest with you and can't help what my heart wanted. But we were blessed with a Surprise adoption and got our little girl after all. It was not until this happend that the deep desire for being pregnant went away. I finally feel content and joyful for what has been blessed upon me. I am not saying that I was unhappy with only my son because I was very happy however not until our daughter arrived did the little pain of desire ever really go away. I hope that this might help

Mara

[futuremom2b]

Mara, do you mind sharing your story on your surprise adoption of your daughter, I love the adoption stories if you don't mind sharing!
Dre

[Anastasia]

Six,

How is everything going with the process. I am really interested in foster to adopt as well. I know it is different in every state (I am in WI) but when I called our county's foster program, it was almost like they tried to discourage me from applying if what I want to do is adopt. I understand that most kids in foster care go back to their parents, but I also understand that there are certain things to watch for with bio-parents which would show an inclination to get a termination of parental rights. I am a family law attorney and work as a guardian ad litem in these types of cases often.

Mara,

I hope you come back to the site, I agree with Dre, I would love hear your story.

[mlb]

The feelings go away, come back, and the cycle continues. Someone makes a rude comment, someone gets pregnant (not everyone, just some people upset me). I am waiting for the rude comment to start again. After 10 years of being infertile (and two international adoptions) my sister found out that she's 9 weeks pregnant. I am so happy for her, but the first few weeks were rough on me.
I had a cancer scare and hysterectomy last year at the age of 34 and am waiting for the "if only you didn't have it, you may have gotten pregnant".
My best advice if have one or two friends that you can talk to about this. Being able to get my anger out is what keeps me sane. Good luck.