[Dakotabluebaby]

So my husband and I are both 24. We're young. I was diagonsised with PCOS a year and a half ago, but part of me has always known (boyfriend in high school unprotected for over a year and no baby THANK GOD!!!!)
My husband and I have been together for over 4 years and both desperatly want children. I always have. We haven't started to far down the fertility medical road yet...I'm terrified and I don't thinkI'm strong enough to deal with a miscarriage at this point...much less the pressure of is it this month..nope lets try again. I've been really stuggling with the idea of Pcos and the feeling that someone has stamped failure on my forehead.
I have always wanted to be a mother and now there is a question mark? in a place I hadn't thought there would be.
Now we are looking in to Foster-Adoption. I am so excited we are going to be taking classes in January .....but the few people I have attemped to talk to all have said either
"it will happen...just wait"
"its not a big deal relax"
"your to young to be thinking about kids awayway"
" any child you adopt from fostercare will have ADHD"
"what if you have to give them back...why invest yourself?"
and my personal favorite
"don't you want your own?" futher explained by well at least TRY to have your OWN before adopting someone elses.
I am mentally exhaused and I am barely keeping it together and these comments DONT help.
So i don;t know what anyone can say to help....but I figured this was the only place I had hope.......

[TiffanyW]

Yeah those comments are ridiculous! Seriously some people should just keep it to themselves. I am 22 and my hubby is 25 and I know if we are preggo in the next year or so we want to look into adoption. I don't think there is anything wrong with doing it before seeking medical help. It isn't easy this road we are on, so no one should make judgements on our decisions. All that matters is that you and your hubby and 100% on board. IMO adoption isn't a last resort, infact I would be all for pursuing it now but I am concerned about my age and financial barriers that would hold us back. Maybe you could find a support group for adoptive/foster parents, I am sure they could give lots of tips to ignoring and surviving the bad comments. And good luck with your upcoming class!

[mrsjanowski]

I couldn't stand it when people would just tell me to take a vacation and relax and boom, I would be pregnant. If that was so true, why did it take so long for us to conceive our second child? (and not even naturally...with the help of fertility drugs and an IUI to get us here!) It's frustrating when your ready, yet someone else is trying to make decisions for you because of your age... first of all, you are not too young! I just turned 25, this will be my second child and I absolutely love being a mother more than anything in the world... and I want more too!!! Consider the problems your going through alone with PCOS that causes infertility, imagine waiting a few more years and the closer you get to your 30's the harder it is for women to get pregnant... I think you should just follow your dreams and don't listen what other people have to say. You think they would be saying these things if they knew what IF was all about?? Probably not! They don't know what your going through, only you and your DH know (and all of us!) Good luck in your TTC process, it can be a long journey at times but the end result is always worth it

[Bri01]

I adopted 7 years ago and am now pregnant after going through IVF. You can IM me with any questions.

[CryingInside]

I personally have always wanted to adopt and that will remain in my future no matter what the outcome of my fertility journey. I believe that most people see adoption as a last resort, if I can't have my own I will raise someone else's, kinda thing. As long as you don't see it that way and you have fully dealt with the grief of not having or carrying a biological child then the comments from family and friends will subside. And if they don't just tell them off!

[themainissue]

Some people will always think that happy couples aren't complete until they have children.

These are the same people who, once you do foster/adopt, will come at you with judgmental remarks and unhelpful suggestions.

My husband and I have a similar situation. Our full story with details is posted on our blog, but the short version is that after some unsuccessful attempts at IUI, we fostered/adopted a teenage girl. The rub is that we are only 11/12 years older than the girl we adopted.

She's now old enough to be moving out, and we are faced with empty nest syndrome before the age of 30. We're all...you've got to be kidding me.

I speak from experience...you can't let someone else's view of what they think your life should be influence how you choose to run it. You make the choices that you know to be right, and OWN them, girlfriend. Letting other people dictate how you should feel will only depress you. Knowing you are doing the right thing will help you feel happy about your situation, and happy people make better foster parents.

Congratulations on your good start.

[jenedens6102]

We were looking into adoption earlier this year. Our plan was to continue trying naturally while saving up money for adoption. We were completely shocked when we found out in early March that we were expecting. Unfortunately we lost that pregnancy and went back to the drawing board. The comment I got most was "you know once you adopt you'll get pregnant" and that was the worst for me. I thought, so adoption is going to be the magic cure for my husband's sperm? But I've heard nothing but wonderful things about the adoption and foster care programs and how rewarding it is, how fulfilling it is and what a joy it is to see things come together and a new family is created. I wish you the best.

[themainissue]

People can be so dumb when it comes to adoption vs "your own child". I can't count the number of times my parents or in-laws or sister has failed to include our adopted daughter in lists of grandkids, or the missing invitations or the fact that we still get asked about what our plans are for having kids (hello?).

People will always be dumb about it. Like I said earlier, just do what you know is right, and try to be happy about it. You can't control other people's attitudes (never will) but you can control yours.

[mlb]

We adopted both of our children after fertility issues. We tried to get pregnant without telling a lot of people (only my sister and parents knew) so adoption was a shock to some (my in laws have the biggest and most insensitive mouths ever so we didn't want to go there).
I loved the "Don't you want your own?" question and it took me a while to get an answer. When I got a little more savvy I told them that any child would be my own, whether or not they were linked to me biologically. However, that is by no means the end of the stupid questions. Many people ask me about the boys' birthfamilies (I tell them it's the boys' information and not mine to tell people before they could fully understand it), ask what their real mothers are doing (I say that I am their real mother, and that they have four very real parents, not just two), ask about us having children naturally (I say that adoption is as natural as giving birth to a child - using natural implies that since we didn't do it that way, that we are unnatural, which is very insulting) .
Adoption is a life altering choice. Yes, you become a parent, but you are also agreeing take on a culture that largely feels that a family formed by adoption is not "as good" as a birth family. Educating others, speaking up - especially in front of your children is imperitive. Your child needs to know that their family is as natural, normal, and valued as everyone elses. Adoption is not for the faint of heart, but the rewards far outway the challenges - I couldn't imagine loving my sons any more than I do.

[p00lbys]

I simply say, "He is my own." Then of course the person says, "You know what I mean." I say, "No, I don't know what you mean. I wouldn't change a thing about how our child came into our life.
Adoption is the most wonderful thing that has happened to our family."
Best wishes on your journey to expand your family!