[babyface]

Chelle,
I know how you feel about waiting, we were showed our first time to a Mother in January and at the time, I didn't know if I should call or not. I did and they told me we weren't picked, I was crushed! I hate the let down. It seems no matter what way we go, we don't have a child. I was never prepared to go down this road again with Adoption. I have to say one thing though, I atleast know we are going to get a baby at the end of adoption, but I still hate the wait!

[Gemmabean]

Originally Posted by arucker

Hi everyone, I'm not new to the forum, but I am new to the adoption threads now. We just had our 1 and only failed IVF and will not be doing another. This is so overwhelming. My mom has started calling agencies for me to start out with. I'm still in mourning from the IVF. How did any of you get started. And with the tax credit, do you have to make a certain amount to get that back? I would appreciate any info. Thanks!

check out my blog and the 5 stages of grief
http://infertilityreality.blogspot.com/

and check this blog for adoption/home study information
A Family is Born

hope they help!

At home study they will ask if you are having IF treatment, etc.

The tax credit is for the YEAR your adoption actually happens, and it's up to $11,000 something now, BUT anything that you paid for in ANY year counts towards the one single adoption credit. See the IRS website for more info - there is a link on my "A Family is Born" blog.

We are here to help! Best of luck on your new journey.

Love and hugs,
Julie

[theresa0604]

Hello Angel and ,
As you can see from my signature I too have had an unsuccessful IVF (actually 3) but what I can share is that you will know when it's right in your heart to move on. I actually haven't posted on here in a long time since for a while it was just too hard to stay connected as everyone's journey was going in different directions but since we have chosen our path now, I feel like I not only want to re-engage but need it too. Everyone has to get to that point in their own time and in their own way and it's important to grieve. As excited as I am about our adoption, it was still hard for me to talk to our social worker about our IF journey without tearing up. There is always a part of me that will mourn that loss but what I will say is that when that times comes for you to jump in with both feet to adoption, you'll feel like a big weight has been lifted off your shoulders - at least that is the way that I felt and many other ladies have shared they felt the same way also. My DH even says that now that things are really starting to get cooking with our adoption journey, he sees that sparkle in my eyes and the joy in my voice that he heard when we were pregnant. I'm pretty much a happy girl all the time but he's able to tell how excited I am
Adoption can certainly be overwhelming and I felt and still do feel like I'm learning as I go but I do encourage you to talk to people about your adoption plans. When we started to share our plan with our family and friends, there were many people who then volunteered to introduce us to a friend or a friend of a friend, etc. who had been through adoption or knew someone who had. Take the time to talk to these people and then process what they said and slowly you will start to make your decisions. Another thing that REALLY helped educate us was attending a "Pre-Parenting" class. It was required as part of our homestudy but it was extremely educational not only from the information that was shared but also by listening and learning from the others in the room who are also in the process of adopting. My suggestion if the agency that you are working with for your homestudy offers/mandates a class like this is to attend it sooner versus later.
My DH and I are in the final stages of the homestudy just waiting for the report to be written, approved and sent to us and we expect this to be completed by April 1st. Now we are focusing on deciding to use an agency, facilitator, referral company, etc. and that can be pretty daunting to figure it all out.
Certainly $$$ plays a significant role in these decisions as will the "conditions" you are open to ... race, drug exposure, age, etc.
I have joined the Adoptionforums.com board, a sister of this forum and it's a good place to ask questions and connect with people.
Just as with IF, there are no silly questions so feel free to ask - I know I do!
Best of luck to you ... you'll ultimately know when it's time to jump in with both feet but for now know that it's also ok, and healing in a way, for you to mourn the loss after your IVF outcome.
Take care
Theresa

[arucker]

Thank you so much theresa, I am feeling a little better now after the failed IVF. I just want to start this process as soon a I can. I know it's going to be a long journey, and a hard one. My sister works as a RN in the nicu at a hospital in lexington KY and she is always seeing babies coming through that is being put up for adoption. So she is keeping an eye out for me. I don't know what is better, to go through an agency and let them do all of the work, or for cost do a personal social worker/ seperate lawyer and have an agency find a child? I just don't know what's wrong or right or what! I do know a couple of people that I know that has adopted or started to adopt then got pregnant. But both are willing to talk to me and give me some input on what they did. I even thought about putting flyers in libraries, high schools, hospitals ect to get the word out that we are looking to adopt. I guess the first and most important step is the home study. That's my first goal. any input on the whole homestudy thing? What do they look for?what do you have to do? What is involved? Thanks for any info.

[sarah16]

The homestudy is lots of paper work but not too hard. My DH and I both had to fill out a 30 page questionaire and then have three people give us a reference. The first visit she answered questions and gave us the questionaire. The second visit she asked questions to clarify the paperwork and the last visit she gave us a copy of the homestudy and toured the house. We also had to have a back ground check and physical for it. It took about four months total.

[Chelle77]

arucker!

Congrats on your next move! Once your really decide to adopt it is a great feeling. It's like you get a little bit of yourself back that IF has taken from you.
Our homestudy only took about a month. We chose to go with an adoption consultant to help us throughout the process and to help us choose the attorney/agency we would go with. I'll be happy to give you her name (just pm me). They have been wonderful to work with (they were a referral to me from a friend who adopted). In the end we decided on 1 agency and two attorney's.
Keep us updated...

Hope everyone else is doing well!
We had our book shown for the second time, but still no word. I just emailed our consultant to see if she has heard anything (I hate bugging people!). I just can't help it. The first ** who looked at our book decided to parent her child.

[Chelle77]

Originally Posted by babyface

Chelle,
I know how you feel about waiting, we were showed our first time to a Mother in January and at the time, I didn't know if I should call or not. I did and they told me we weren't picked, I was crushed! I hate the let down. It seems no matter what way we go, we don't have a child. I was never prepared to go down this road again with Adoption. I have to say one thing though, I atleast know we are going to get a baby at the end of adoption, but I still hate the wait!

Yes, that is the only thing that keeps me going is that we will get a baby...eventually. I try so hard not to think about it, but it is not easy. In a sense it is a lot like the whole infertility journey with friends and family constantly asking how it's going. You know they mean well, but I get tired of saying "we are just waiting." I do wish the agencies and attorney's would keep you more updated. I know they have a lot going on, but we are hanging on by a thread here!!

[theresa0604]

IF and adoption seem to be "hurry up and wait" enough to make someone crazy. At least with adoption I think I've convinced myself that at the end of the journey we will hold our baby in our arms and that is what is helping me through however I will say that I'm sure that my emotions can change at a moment's notice - ha, ha!
Arucker, if you want to PM me your email address I would be more than happy to send you a copy of the paperwork that the agency we worked with for our homestudy sent us. Not sure where you live and please remember each state/agency might be slightly different in what they ask for (we're in MD) but you'll get an overall idea and it does include a break down of fees too. When I first got the packet I can honestly tell you that I was overwhelmed but I printed it out and then read it again later and then put a game plan together of what to work on first, etc. If you presently work, it might make sense to take a day off to visit all the different offices you need, get documents notarized, etc. and get everything mailed to the respective departments requesting their servivces on that day too. Once you do that you'll also then want to set up your first meeting with your social worker (we had to wait for our 2nd meeting/interview until we had submitted all our paperwork) and they will no doubt help you as needed. As our social worker said, "I'm here to help you succeed" so that is always reassuring to have someone in your corner.
I think that your sister working in a NICU will be a tremendous opportunity for you. She has exposure to so many different birth mothers and the more exposure the better. We didn't "formally" send out or post anything (yet) that we are in the process of adopting but we're telling everyone we know in the event they know someone that knows someone, etc. If we were to get a call like that the first thing we would do would be to contact an attorney to help guide us and make good decisions. At this time I think we're going to start using a "referral" company to help us find our little soulmate so I'll let you all know how it goes but I would love to hear how everyone made the decision about using an agency, attorney, etc. My hope is to learn from everyone else since I still have so much to learn!
I hope you all have a great day!

[theresa0604]

Hi ladies,
So I got my feelings hurt today ... I spoke to our Benefits Manager where I work and she advised me that I am able to take upto 12 weeks off when we have placement through FMLA (as long as it is approved) but because we are adopting versus having a child/spending time in the hospital, we won't be eligible for any short term disability. Can you believe it? I guess I'm not surprised, and neither is my DH, so I attribute my tears when I was talking to our Benefits Manager just my feelings being hurt because I felt like we were being punished since we coulnd't have a biological child. ALL of our IF treatments came out of pocket since it wasn't covered through my insurance and this now just seems like a slap in the face. I put a call into Aflac to see if they have short term coverage for adoption but no such luck
I will certainly not let this tarnish my enthusiasm but it certainly would have been a lot easier to keep getting a percentage of my paycheck while I was out for 6-8 weeks!

Michelle - did you hear back about your agency that showed your portfolio? I'm confident that 2009 will be a good year for us but it sure would be nice to get the party started sooner versus later!

[Chelle77]

We did hear back and we spoke with the birthmom tonight. She loved us and we loved her. The facilitator called us back and said she wants you.
We are so excited, but I know she could still back out after the baby is born so I'm trying not to be too excited. We don't know what the sex is yet, but she is due in August.

[sarah16]

Originally Posted by Chelle77

We did hear back and we spoke with the birthmom tonight. She loved us and we loved her. The facilitator called us back and said she wants you.
We are so excited, but I know she could still back out after the baby is born so I'm trying not to be too excited. We don't know what the sex is yet, but she is due in August.

I'm very excited for you!! Congrats.

[possiblypreggers09]

Hello ladies... I guess this is one of the first steps to acceptance... posting on this topic. As you can see from my sig we just had our 2nd failed IVF. I was right there with you Arucker- I am sorry for your BFN and I know exactly what you are feeling. Before we started our 2nd IVF I was looking onto adoption. Just googling and calling a couple of agencies. Then we started our cycle and I put it off. I guess it has been a couple weeks since our BFN and I am realizing that if I never start moving on this, it will never happen. Just seems like a whole other wait and hurry and wait process. Ughhh. We are pointing toward the foster care system because we want to have siblings and to be honest- I am scared silly to adopt a baby without knowing its medical conditions. I know you will never know this with your own children either- but I know what I would do and not do during pregnancy and I know our lifestyle. I would love to have a baby but I just can't get myself comfortable with this dilemma. However, making calls to the children services dept. is so frustrating- no one has any sense of urgency. So we wait. I am glad I found you gals and I am thinking about and praying for you. And Theresa, I was sad to hear of your insurance situation and I can only imagine how you felt. Another mark to make us feel different, huh? And Chelle77... Congrats!!! I am so excited for you. Sounds like you are getting close to a baby.

Thanks for reading my thoughts. It feels better to be able to talk about it with others who are experiencing my same feelings.

[theresa0604]

Michelle - CONGRATULATIONS! Happy dance, happy dance, happy dance That is so exciting for you. Make sure to keep us posted every step of the way.

Carrie - - I remember starting to "drift" over to this adoption part of the forum more frequently as our IF journey progressed and you're right, writing on my first thread was somewhat "different" but now I feel like this is where I truly belong. I also spend time on the adoption forum (this sites sister forum) but to be honest, I feel more connected here.

Angel - did you get the email I sent with the home study documents?

Sarah - I believe you are right on with the tax credit for adoption. I also heard that this was going to expire at the end of 2010 unless Obama signs off on a new bill. Did you hear anything about that?

Connie - I grew up in Florida. Where do you live? It certainly is a lot warmer there than our winter filled days here in MD but in actualality, I think our winter had been kinda mild.

Julie - your website is great. With determination like you have, I know that eventually (hopefully sooner versus later) you'll find your little soulmate.

I'm very glad that I found you ladies and I hope we can stay connected ... I know that any support that I can find is so encouraging.

Have a great day everyone

[sarah16]

Carrie- welcome to the thread. I have a friend that went through foster/adopt program and did her 8 weeks of classes.

Theresa- yes I have heard that the tax credit could stop if it's not renewed. If I see any place we can write or e-mail in support of it, I will let you know.

[arucker]

OMG! I didn't hear anything about the tax credit thing. That really sucks. My DH is going to die if we don't get the money back. Hopefully obama renews it. Hopefully he will have a heart for all of us going through this.

Theresa- Thank you so much for the e-mail. Talk about alot of info. I really liked the part on questions about the homestudy. That really helped.

chelle- congrats! Hope it all goes well with your new one.

Carrie- sorry about your BFN. It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm still devastated over it. At least you got a second try. My DH said no more. So we did it 1 time. At least you have a plan now to go forward in your life. I'm sure we'll be happy in the long run.

for everyone!