[kristyr41982]

I honestly feel like everyone tells you the horror stories because those are the ones that stick out in our brains. I know a few bad situations myself but I have also heard good stories. My agency has only had 2 situations in the past 2 years where children were returned to bio parents. Every other couple has received healthy children which they were able to adopt. My agency only does Level 1 or children without major disabilities. This makes me feel a little better. We also get to see the case file of a child before we say ok. That way we will know what the mother has done to get her child back already and can get an idea of the likelihood of it falling through.

[IslandGirl]

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome! Kristy, I agree I think a lot of the "bad" stories that you hear, no matter which adoption route you go, come from those cases that really left a scar.

We're excited about getting started and of course nervous too. I'm really interested to see what the agency has to say at the end of June. Do you guys know if my DH has a cogenital heart defect (now has a pacemaker/defibrillator), is that going to cause problems for us? He works normally and most people who don't know "his story" would never know there's a problem. I'm just worried about that I guess.

Hope everyone has a great evening!

[kristyr41982]

I was worried about some stuff also regarding approval. I don't think a congenital heart problem will have that much of an impact. I think they are looking more at terminal illnesses more than anything. Our agency is great. We are getting everything together now and it's alot of work. We have been up front and honest about everything and that's what they want. We are not playing the "fake, perfect family." I just want to be myself and so far so good. I was very worried about the debt factor. I've heard they dig into your financial records, but that is not true. They get your credit score and report. So if you pay your bills and have good credit then you are ok. I just worried with all the fertility treatments/loans/etc. they would think we couldn't afford another child. I am laughing as I am getting all the information together because it's amazing what you have to do to become an adoptive parent. Sometimes I think maybe people should have to be screened prior to pregnancy cause some of them are not fit to be parents.

[arucker]

OMG that is so true kristy. I do think there should be screening before or during pregnacy. Some of these unfit parents are unbelievable.

kristy- are you doing all of the paperwork to start the homestudy?

Is anyone else doing domestic newborn adoption?

what stage is everyone in?

we are doing our paperwork for the homestudy. Lots of stuff to gather. Please let this go smoothly for us! I don't want any problems or confusion or mistakes. I know not everything is perfect but I hope there is nothing major. Hope everone has a good long weekend.

[sarah16]

We too are doing newborn domestic adoption. We have had our homestudy done since July and have had our portfolio shown 8 times.

[IslandGirl]

We're pursuing domestic infant adoption as well. We are just now getting started. With that I mean, just checking out agencies and making that decision. We want to save some money up too so it will probably be the first of the year before we begin any of the actual paperwork.

[gangof4]

I just wanted to wish all you ladies pursuing domestic/infant adoption the best of luck!

I was recently talking to a friend of mine about adoption. They just got their baby after waiting 3 yr.s for a birth mother to pick them. She said something very interesting and it makes perfect sense. She said that she thinks the reason the birth mother picked them is because her husband must resemble the birth mothers family members. which if you saw this baby you would totally agree. This baby looks like my friends husband spit him out. She thinks that the birth moms read all these great profiles and perhaps the deciding factor may be that the adopter looks like a relative.

Sarah, I think your baby is just around the corner.

[arucker]

It just makes you think, what are the birthmothers thinking when they are looking at profile books? What are they looking for in a family? Is it looks, money, home? Maybe all of thee above. What makes you the right couple for their baby. Very curious to know.

[gangof4]

I think it's totally emotional. These birth moms really love their babies, even if they cant keep them. I think certainly the top priority is the insurance that their baby is going to be loved unconditionally. Financial stability is important too but I think second to Love.
And it's hard to determine from a profile how much the adoptive family is going to love and protect their baby. But if the prospective adoptive father looks like the birthmothers brother or father or birth father then she might feel that he will love the baby as his own.
I had heard that biologically babies are born looking like the dads so that they will know that it is their baby. (My kids looked exactly like their dad at birth)

I also think that you have to try and think like a birth mom. What if it was you who were giving up a baby? What would you be looking for in adoptive parents? What is it that would seal the deal?

Just my thoughts on the matter.

[sarah16]

Our social worker lets us know why we aren't chosen. Some of the factors have been: we aren't catholic, we don't live on a farm, we have a child already and we don't have a dog.

I also agree that a birthmom's choice is how they connect to you. You don't know what that connection can be so you just have to keep being patient. I know I get "antsy" at the end of the month because I always contact our social worker around the first of the month. FYI that's in about a week

[Wannafamily]

My DH and I recently adopted (our little girl will be 3 months on Wednesday) and the reason our birth mother chose us was because she felt that Isabella would fit in very well with us, and she and her parents thought our families looked very similar to their own. They felt that Isabella would be growing up in a similar fashion as she would if she was part of their own family. We enjoy the outdoors (golfing, skiing, skating) and the birth mom really liked that. Also, the birth mother loved my wedding dress which is completely random!

I have several friends who have adopted over the years and some of the reasons they were chosen are that one of the adoptive moms resembles Sandra Bullock, one adoptive family had a black lab and the birth mother grew up with a black lab, one adoptive father was wearing a Bruce Springstein t-shirt in one of the photos and the birth mom loved Bruce. It is so random on why they choose the adoptive family that they do which is why putting together the profile/portfolios is so complicated. Trying to put your whole life into a few pages is overwhelming!

I hope that all of you lovely ladies get your match very soon!!

[merzl]

hi everyone. my husband and i found out several months ago that having our own children was very unlikely. since that time, i've wanted to start researching adoption but only recently felt that the time was right. I think that I (we) are emotionally prepared for what it takes to pursue this. Reading all of your stories (i've been a total lurker for a few days) has been so wonderful and has helped me feel prepared to move forward. thank you!

[gangof4]

Merzl! Hop on board.


It is so fascinating trying to figure out the psychology of a birth moms decision making. I guess in the end you just have to be yourself and hope that something clicks.

[merzl]

thank you gangof4. i'm wishing good luck to everyone and again i am so grateful to read such honest and candid info.

shew, after so many months of thinking of our infertility and only speaking to my dh about it, posting a message feels like i am making progress. we have been extremely quiet about everything to our friends and family, just acting like we are still trying even though we know it is futile..... major male factor.. not even icsi could help.

if we are ready to pursue adoption, we have to brace ourselves for telling our families and give them some time to 'catch up.'

[kristyr41982]

Merzl!

We are doing foster/adopt. We have already started gathering paperwork for the homestudy. We have a pre-adoption counseling session tomorrow.

Sarah- I'm surprised at the reasons you are not being chosen. Amazing to see what people focus on when they are giving thier baby up for adoption. Those would probably be the least of my worries. I guess you do have to go into details to separate one couple from another though.