[marriedtothemilitary]

I'm new to these forums, but I caught the baby bug about a year ago.

DH is unable to have any more children due to a botched vas. I was wondering what the Church's position is on using a sperm donor? Has anyone encountered this problem?

[marriedtothemilitary]

bumping up

[Sculli]

Hi,
I found a link once on someone's blog (months ago) to a church article or statement of some sort saying the 'preferred' (or something like that) method of treatment when using IVF was to use the husband's sperm and the wife's eggs. But it didn't seem like they ever came right out with a big solid 'no way' on using donors. I thought they left a little room for your own judgement. I think the church is pretty understanding of individual situations and I think if you are comfortable with it in your heart that is what is important. I personally don't think there is anything morally wrong with it (we have considered donor eggs but it looks like our IVF just worked with mine).

Sorry if I'm not as familiar with sperm issues and if I'm sounding stupid for asking this, but does your DH still have sperm in there they could get to surgically? I know of a few people who were able to get sperm that way and do IVF with ICSI (where they pick one sperm and inject it into one egg). I think there is a thread on this forum for people with sperm issues that you may be able to get some good information from.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

[marriedtothemilitary]

He is adamant about going back under a knife in that are. He isn't a member, so he doesn't have the same reservations as me. He's actually the one to suggest a donor. I'm just trying so hard to get my life back on track and I don't want this to be the thing that gets me in trouble, ya know?

[Kris79]

I understand him not wanting to go under the "knife" again. In his case, knowing that there is sperm in there, probably means a much less invasive procedure...possibly just a needle biopsy to retrieve sperm and then you doing IVF.

I'm not familiar with LDS beliefs, but I am a Christian and belong to a fairly conservative denomination. I worried that my in-laws would be very against us using a donor, but to my surprise they actually brought it up and suggested it. There will always be people that are against it, but I think if you and your DH are okay with building your family through the use of a donor, then that is your perogative. We were initially opposed to the idea but after a lot of prayer and God opening some doors on how we were looking at things, we came to accept this as an appropriate way to build our family.

Good luck to you with whatever your decide to do.

[holdingmybreath]

Erica,

I am LDS and we have severe male factor issues. When we sat down with our Stake President we asked him what the church's view on donor sperm was. He pulled out the priesthood manual and read directly from it. (This is a manual that comes directly from Salt Lake) In this manual it said couples who are facing this type of decision are strongly recommended to try adoption first. They do not say you cannot use donor sperm. In the section that he read it said we are encouraged to adopt first, but if we choose to use donor sperm we as a couple have to deal with the "consequences" of our decision. (These are not the exact words, it's been well over 3 years since we had this read to us and I'm trying to remember from memory. I do know that this just reinforced how my husband felt, which he was/is 100% against donor sperm.

My husband and I are sealed and I do not know if you know or not, but when you adopt the child or children you adopt have to sealed in a seperate ceremony afterwards, rather than being born under the covenant. I asked the stake president if we choose to do donor sperm would the child have to be sealed to my husband later and he advised that no, the child would still be born under the covenant and therefore already sealed to my husband.

I can not tell you what the guidence meant by having to deal with the consequences, but I do know that for my marriage had we done it the consequences could have been horrible. My hubby has never entertained the idea of donor sperm. I still to this day do not understand it, but thankfully after 5 procedures don't have to worry about it anymore as we are finally having a child of our own.

I can understand why your hubby wouldn't want to have surgery. One of the things we always said to our fertility doctors after we discussed the male factor part was we were not going to be doing any "corrective" surgeries. As of the moment my hubby is making sperm and it's enough for ICSI to be performed. One slip of that knife and we will no longer be producing sperm. It's a small risk, but it's a risk. After all the surgeon is human and what is he or she is just having a bad day.

I hope this helps. I think it would be beneficial to counsel with your bishop and/or stake president. They won't (or shouldn't) try to talk you out of it, but they might be able to shed some light on what is meant about consequences. Those can range from the child rejecting it's father later in life because he's not biologically his, to it putting a strain on your individual marraige (however it sounds like your hubby is on board, so that shouldn't be an issue), to many other things. Read the laws in your state about it to make sure your hubby doesn't have to "adopt" any child produced with donor sperm.

I wish you luck in whatever you guys do!