[Hoping4BabyBuckeye]

I am hoping to get some other Christian perspectives on this... do you ladies feel that it is at all a lack of faith to pursue infertility treatments? I believe with all my heart that God is the giver and taker of all life and His will is perfect and far superior to mine. Half of me wonders why we even bother, because God is bigger that anything my RE can do, and I also wonder sometimes if He is trying to tell me that He doesn't want me to have children (maybe not now, maybe never). I mean, the Old Testament has plenty of stories where God opened wombs and allowed pregnancies, eg Sarah, Hannah, Leah, etc. I have been wanting to talk to my pastor about this, but to be honest, I am still embarrassed about my inability to reproduce and it makes me very uncomfortable to talk about it. I'm sorry this post is a little on the "flight of ideas" side, I am just trying to find some peace among these trials.

[Persephone1881]

I'm not a Christian but I do believe in God so you can take my opinion however you want. The way I see it, God created humans with the intelligence and ability to solve problems so we should take advantage of the gifts He's given others. It's kinda like the old joke about the man who climbed up on his roof during the floor believing that God would save him. Three times people came by with boats offering him a ride to safety and three times he refused, saying that God would save him. Then he drowned and went to Heaven and asked God why He didn't save him. God said "I sent three boats."

[Rubysmom]

Hi, I understand what you are talking about. I am struggling with this as well. I don't have a good answer to this except that I feel God has given me this strong desire for another child and I do feel it will happen. I think God gave these doctors the desire and knowledge to want to help people like us. So, I don't think it's lack of faith. I still have faith in God and this may be the route he wants me to go. I have several friends that are Christians and have seeked fertility treatments and have been blessed.

I have a friend who tried for years to get pregnant. They went to a IVF seminar and put their names in a raffle to win a free IVF cycle. They prayed that God give this to whoever in that room needed it the most. There were probably 100 couples in the room. They won the raffle and now they have a beautiful son. My friend firmly believes that it was an answered prayer and God allowed this to happen to them. I definately think it's a miracle from God. I don't know if this helped at all but your not the only one questioning the decision to get help from an RE. All I can do is pray.

This Bible verse has helped through my difficult times. Prov 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

Good luck!

[benzmomm]

I found that through my years of trying to conceive this second child I am about to have that I had this question often. But what I really learned is that if I was listening to God's will for my life He would make my decisions clear. I don't believe that it's a lack of faith to treat your infertility. It's just another resource from Him. I believe that God gives us trials in order to refine us. If we are fully seeking Him first, the rest will be made clear. I had many ups and downs, and I spent a lot of time "on my knees", I realized that I was praying for my own will much of the time. For me the journey was about wholly surrendering to Christ. In that, I found clarity and began to try to focus on God''s plan and see how He was working in my life, without regard to the outcome.
I feel very blessed that I did get a chance to conceive a second time, but I had also come to a place of peace that if I didn't God had a plan that was better for me and my family.
I am so far from knowing or understanding everything, this has just been a bit of my journey that I hope you find helpful.
- Krista

[frymomma2b]

I would like to say pretty much the same thing. I have struggled and do struggle with this thought and is the reason i have put off moving to medicated cycles up to this point. I wonder if it is lack of faith or rushing him or if i was to get pregnant would the life have his blessings. Then i thought about how God is the great physician and how he can heal and about Sahrah and how he opened her womb. Then i wonder if Gods miracles appear different these days then the ones of that time then maybe the cures are his gift to us. It is a hard battle for a Christian to decide but speaking for my family we have chosen to persue the next step and move to meds. we figure God is the one in control and he creates life in the depth of our womb so if we are blessed with a child it is his will. We (for personal and spiritual reasons) will not persue ivf but will move as far as IUI. Hopefuly God will give us all the knowlage to know him better and seek his guidance. GREAT QUESTION!

[fossie]

I echo what the others have said and add that I don't think infertility treatments of any kind will work regardless if it isn't God's will - as much as our Doctor's may think they are Godlike they aren't and there is still so much in this process that is unexplained and nobody can tell you with certainty that something will or will not work and I believe that is because there are other considerations rather than science. I am absolutely not saying that if IVF or other treatments do not work that it is God's way of telling you that he does not want you to have children but I think with each failure that we had he was trying to teach us and prepare us and if this IVF didn't work or if something still goes wrong I believe He is telling us to continue to explore other paths like adoption, telling us to continue to work on our relationship with each other and Him, and to not give up but to keep seeking answers and getting stronger in our conviction to be parents or not and in our Faith - Just my opinion, obviously.

[tko6666]

O.K. I have another thought. Is there any difference between choosing IVF to treat infertility and choosing chemotherapy to treat cancer, or taking high blood pressure meds to treat heart disease? The way I see it, is God has created so many brilliant people who are working on cures for everything from cancer to heart disease. I wouldn't deny myself chemotherapy for cancer, so why would I deny myself IVF treatments to treat infertility?

[Kris79]

This is really an interesting question you've posed. I want to firstly say that I don't think infertility is God's way of saying we shouldn't be parents, but I do think it's sometimes God's way of either drawing us closer to him, or strengthening us in some way. I also think that he opens our hearts to other ways of becoming parents this way also. I do not see this as a punishment from God, although that certainly doesn't stop me from asking him "Why?" every so often. In response to your questions, I certainly don't think God would gift physicians and scientists with the ability to correct our infertility if he didn't ultimately want that. If you look at other medical interventions, like transplants or cancer treatments, we don't question those the same way we often do infertility treatments. And I also agree with another poster that if God didn't approve of these treatments, they would never
be successful.

ETA: previous poster beat me to the comment about other medical interventions!!

[marilynn]

Originally Posted by tko6666

O.K. I have another thought. Is there any difference between choosing IVF to treat infertility and choosing chemotherapy to treat cancer, or taking high blood pressure meds to treat heart disease? The way I see it, is God has created so many brilliant people who are working on cures for everything from cancer to heart disease. I wouldn't deny myself chemotherapy for cancer, so why would I deny myself IVF treatments to treat infertility?

Well said. I think it is important to remember it is a medical condition, a physical challenge/anomaly. I have never felt like IF has made me less of a woman or that God does not want me to be a mother. I have prayed a lot about this and will accept whatever He decides.

I agree wholeheartedly about making use of (when one can financially) the medical treatments available which I also believe are gifts from God. Although, I could see how someone would not want to risk losing multiple embryos if they believe that the soul comes into the body at conception. That's a tough one.

I empathize with your need to grapple with this. I have felt ambivalent about these issues as well.

[Kimmyblueiis]

I too struggled with this question for a long time. first of all I truly believe that God is the giver of life and that if it is not his will that we get pregnant we won't no matter what treatments we try. But we live in a fallen world where physical ailents of some sort afflict all of us. For some of us this means IF. I agree fully with Terri. If our ailment was cancer none of us would say if God wants me to get well I will so I'm not going to seek treatment. We of course would seek medical treatment. If you are anything like me you have prayed many times that God would guide the hands, mind, and heart of the doctor as he treats someone. I pray that same prayer in regards to my RE and Embryologist. God has blessed us through our IF journey with our beautiful children and i consider them just as much a gift of God (maybe more so) as if they had been conceived conventionally.
hugs
Kimmy

[Krista]

I completely understand where you are coming from. I've had a very difficult time with my faith during this period of my life, so I reached onto my bookshelf to see if I could find some inspiration.

I came across a book on general spirituality and I found a point that really made a point with me. It said that since we are one with God god knows our hearts desires and they are his hearts desire too. The key is timing and how we get there.

If our desire is to be a mother God provides us the ability to see Drs, and if it is His will we may end up mothering a child someone else gave birth to, either through foster care or adoption.

As I look back on my life I see that His timing is perfect, though he never quite matches my timing!

I hope this helps someone. I know it really helped me over the last few weeks.

[Kallie]

This past year has been the ultimate test of my faith thus far, and I have done a lot of thinking about this.

Remember that God's will is not always done. That's why there is sin and why He tells us to pray "Thy will be done" in the Lord's prayer. I don't think pursuing IVF, IUI, or other treatments is a lack of faith in Him. I compare it to taking blood pressure or anti-depressants medications; because of sin in the world no one is perfect and many people need medical treatment for their bodies to function properly. I look at infertility in that way.

[holdingmybreath]

Carrie,

I have to agree with everything that has been said above. My analogy is I wear glasses. I can't see well without my glasses. I'm not going to stop wearing my glasses. I don't think it's God's Will that I don't see.

I also let people know when the treatments I've gone through have failed, if God wants to he will make me pregnant without the doctor's. He has a purpose for me in this journey. This journey isn't a personal journey, my hubby is traveling this road right beside me. We have grown together, we have grown closer to God, and I think we have grown individually.

Good luck with your struggles. Know you are not alone. You Father in heaven wants you to know he loves you. This is not punishment and it's not a lack of faith that you turn to treatments.

[AngelJourney]

Ok. I may not be a minister, but I am a minister's wife. My DH has severe Male Factor IF, which we confirmed in several appointments last month. We go see the RE this month to get an eval for me for a possible IUI and/or IVF with a donor. We also had the discussion about whether or not this was a faith issue, or if God was trying to tell us something or not. Here's how we came to our conclusion: our insurance doesn't cover IF treatment of any kind (typical, right?) and we'd have to come up with the $$ for the first appointment pronto. I started doing the budget, etc, and to make a long story short, God provided for all of our costs for the appointment within two days without us having to do any changes to our budget (which is great b/c we need to save the $$ for treatment). My husband basically feels this way about it all: God gave our doctors the wisdom and knowledge to help us in our IF treatment. Infertility is no more a crisis of faith than cancer, diabetes, or even an ingrown toenail (not trying to make light of cancer or diabetes, I'm just saying that if the big stuff is a crisis of faith than the small stuff is too). God isn't "doing" this to you for some reason or another. It is what it is -- everyone has a struggle they have to deal with in their lives. For some of us, it's infertility. For some of our friends, their health will always be fine, but they'll suffer finaicially the rest of their lives. For others, money and health will never be an issue, but they'll struggle with relationships. I don't have to tell you that life isn't perfect -- you already know that. If this is your struggle, than you deal with it as best you can, and lean on the Lord. You aren't doing anything wrong by the Lord when you're seeking treatment to have a baby. Not only that, if you have to go through the times where the outcomes of your treatments aren't optimal, it doesn't mean that God has abandoned you -- even if it may feel that way at the time. He's there and He loves you.

[Cor_72]

Hi everyone, I am glad I found this section in the forums...

This is on my heart...
Last night we went to our weekly "Small Group Bible Study". We are going through the book called "The Persuit of God" by A. W. Tozer. The second chapter was called "The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing". It was all about being able to give it all up if that is what God asked of us. It really made me check who it was on the "Throne" in my heart and in posession of all my "things". I love God, I want to do what He asks of me, but I realized that my idol right now is having a baby. That is my heart's focus. I think I learned that I have to be willing to give that up. I am not saying that God is using infertility to get my attention, but look what he did with Abraham and Isaac? He brought Abraham to the point where he was willing to give his son as a sacrifice, and then God blessed him. Where is my faith? I need to remember that God knows what is best for me and when. That doesn't mean that we can not seek help or treatment at all. For me, it means that I can not make that the focus of my heart. Not sure where this fits for all of you, I just felt like I needed to get that realization about myself off my heart.

This is the prayer at the end of the chapter... It hit home for me... (It's a little King James-ey)
Father, I want to know Thee, but my cowardly heart fears to give up its toys [having a baby]. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus' name. Amen.