[Meg03]

I am having a very bad day! Last night my "baby" sister (she will be 21 in 1 month) called me (after I went to bed) and told me she is preg again! She was preg a few months ago and had an abortion. Last time, she would not tell meso was preg or that she had an abortion, I had to find out by someone else. I was so mad at her.


Now she tells me she is expecting and I should feel happy for her. I am but I am sad for myself. I just had my 1st and prob only IUI 1 week ago. I will find out in 1 week if it worked. The last time I was able to get preg my older sister found out she was preg just before I did and she had her lovley daughter and I m/c a short 5 weeks later. I love my neice but everytime I look at her I thiink of the child I would have.

Since Dh and I have been TTC, My older sister has had 2 children, SIL has had 3, Friend has had 2 and now my sister will have 1. None of them werre trying and most of them did not even want to have kids at first. We have been TTC since 03/03 and I just don't feel like it will happen. I told my sister congrats but I had to go back to sleep. The truth is I stayed up for hours after crying inside. If I tell DH that I am this upset he will get upset at me because I should not get upset. He was the last time anyway.


I just had to get that out. Thank you for listening.

[harpjs]

Meg- I know how you feel. I know it hasn't been as long of a road for me as it has been for you but it totally sucks. DH and I started ttc on our own a little over a year ago and each month it didn't happen I was devastated. Then a few months into it my younger sister, not married and not ttc, found out she was pg and I remember telling her congratulations but not really even meaning it. I think I only said it because that is what I normally tell people when I found out the news. Needless to say, my niece was born 2 weeks ago today and I absolutely love her. She is so cute. I said a number of bad things about her just because of the situation and every time I would say something bad, DH got onto me. He said it wasn't the baby's fault and I should try to be happy for my sister because she was going to be happy for me when my time came. I honestly didn't believe him and wanted to smack him every time he said it. But the truth is... (I can write this because he isn't around) he was right. I am in the middle of a IVF cycle and had 21 eggs retrieved yesterday, found out today of the 18 that were mature, 15 of them were fertilized! When I told my sister she was super excited and said she couldn't wait for me to be pg. Now I know this is a littel bit of a different situation because your sister has previously had an abortion and it makes it that much worse... but I know that I feel better now that I have accepted the fact that my sister has had a baby and that she didn't do it to me on purpose. Am I still jealous? Absolutely! But it is somewhat easier now that I have moved on.

Also, about 2 months ago, my 19 year old cousin found out she was pg. Shortly after I found out, we were at a family get together thing and she looked at me and I could tell she was waiting for me to say something to her or ask how she was feeling or something. But I didn't! I just couldn't! I still haven't talked to her about it. Mostly because I am jealous of her pregnancy and that would be the only reason for me to ever be jealous of her. I would never want her life!

The list of people that I know that have gotten pg during my time of ttc goes on for ever and ever as I am sure it does for everyone struggling with IF. But you can't compare yourself to them, especially with the dx of PCOS. It isn't something you did, it is a medical condition that requires treatment. Anyway, I hope that you can eventually move on and stop beating yourself up about all this stuff. I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there!