[Kevspooh2]

Okay so this story seems to be all over this discussion board, but I wanted to add my two cents. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and I've been off of birth control for 6. We have found out in the last year that my husband has sperm, but there seems to be a blockage. Anyway, we have this group of friends that we've known for about 15 years. Before all of us were married my husband and I were the only ones that would talk about having children. We had discussed it, picked out names and everything. The other two couples said they were never having children. They would complain if we were out to dinner and there was a baby crying or a child running around. Generally being children. Lo and behold one couple had a baby a year and a half ago and my best friend is pregnant and is due the day before my husband's birthday. Needless to say when we all get together all they talk about is being pregnant or being a parent and sharing tips and doctors and so on. My husband and I sit there and talk to each other. They are all aware of our situtation and how much we really want to have children. Sometimes I feel like crying while I'm sitting there. My husband brushes it all off and he says that I should be happy for them. I am, but that doesn't make it any easier. I just wanted to share with those who would understand and not think that I'm being selfish (at least I hope you don't think that).

We are going for our first visit with the RE this month. We'll see what happens...

[Kit-Kat30]

Hello,

I too feel your pain. My best friend (and support for our fertility treatments) announced a month ago that they were pregnant. Actually it wasn't an announcement, it was a picture of him and her smiling and holding the test. It was an immediate blow to my stomach and it took all my strength to get through the next 2 hours. Needless to say I cried myself to sleep that night and for many days after. It was that darn picture that hit me so hard! My DH and I will never have that moment (I fear to do a home Preg test for jinxing it). I still have my up and down days and if I know that I am having a down day I try to avoid seeing them.

I am sorry for your pain. It is a pain that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. Also, isn't great that our husbands say that we should be happy for them. And what turn off our hormones and our brains that continue to taunt us even when we try to not to think about it?

You might try to switch the topic to something else (of course gently). If they still insist on talking about children and babies, you are allowed to say something along the lines of... "I am happy for you, but it is hard for me to talk about something that I have wanted for so long and am in the process of trying for. When we are in a group, could we please keep the child/baby talk to a minimum." If they truly are your friends and understand your struggles, they should understand. It is probably there excitement that takes them to that discussion and they don't realize how it makes you feel.

Remember not everyone gets visited by a stork, some of us need a zoologist to bring the stork to us.

Good luck with the RE. This road that we are on has a lot of pot holes, and we need to be able to navigate between them. That means that we cannot go fast and that our journey may take a little longer. My thoughts are with you and I hope that you get a visit soon after you see the RE.

[mbaggett]

When I read your posts it was like I was reading my own story. My best friend is preggers with her 3rd and called me when she was peeing on the stick. Yup, while she was peeing on the stick!!!!! I just dont get it and I dont know sometimes how to handle it. They all know that it is a sore subject with me but its like they dont care. None of my friends know that I am doing Fertility Treatments due to the fact that I just dont think they would be a good support structure. Sometimes I wonder if I should be freinds with them at all if I cant share this with them and know that they will be there for me.

I just wish that none of us had to go through this. Just know that everyone on this site is here for us and we will get through this one way or another

[Kevspooh2]

Thank you both for the helpful words. Sometimes it's just nice to vent with others who understand. I wasn't going to say anything to my friends when my hubby had his first biopsy, but I didn't want to lie when they asked what was going on. When I started to cry, my friend hugged me and said "I know what it's like to feel hopeless". How could she when she's 5 months pregnant! I do know one thing, my husband is more of a man than any man in our circle of friends. I truely believe that neither of them would have gone through what he did or what he may have to.

Anyway, thanks again for responding and giving me some encouragement. It feels good to talk about it.

[Kit-Kat30]

We need to stick together, because they really don't and can't understand what we are feeling and how it envelopes our lives. I am glad that you are feeling better about things (even if it is just a little bit).

Something that I have done to try to be therapeutic to myself is: whenever someone says something hurtful to me, I write it down and then write a response to them. I say exactly what is on my mind and don't sugar coat a thing. I then have a coffee can and go outside and burn the page (so that it isn't found on accident). Also burning it has helped me to get some closure to those feelings and that situation. I take cleansing breaths and just relax for the 2 minutes that it takes to turn to ash.

Funny thing, once I forgot to empty the ashes and my friend came over and asked what the can was for. I just smiled and said it was my therapy can for me. Left it at that.

Good friends can be really hard to find and it is hard not to push them away when everything seems to be coming up roses for them and that no matter what we do we get weeds. Remember that weeds can produce some of the most lovely flowers!

LOL and wishes of hope, success, and peace.

[Danilstewart]

Your stories are mine as well. It is like all sense goes out the window. They are with you thru all the pain and saddness but the second one of them gets PG even when they are not trying it is ALL they can talk about!!
I am happy for them but I feel like I've been kicked in the gut, I cry and laugh all at the same time!! There is just this empty ache and sense of unfairness. I totally agree with you when you said" you wouldn't wish this on your worst enemy" I hate that there has to be so many of us to band together and support each other but I am glad that you are here.

Hold hope in your heart - no one can take it away from you.

[Kevspooh2]

I got the dreaded baby shower invite yesterday. I love my best friend and I am truley happy for her and I know I should go, but there's a huge part of me that wants to make up an excuse not to go. She knows me so well that she would see right through it if I made up an excuse. I'll go and put on a happy face and play the part that;s expected of me. I just hope that I don't get that question, you know which one I'm talking about... I'll probably be back after the shower because I know I'll have a lot to say!

[Kit-Kat30]

Oh dear Kevspooh2. Was it this past weekend? I appologize for not being on this thread, so busy. I really hope that you are okay. No matter what, you need to look out for yourself. If anything, go, but let your friend know that you may need to leave before the whole thing is over.

I haven't had to do the whole baby shower thing yet, but as stated before by best friend is pg and I am sure that she is expecting a baby shower. UGH!

Be strong, lot of hugs !!! We are here for you when you need an ear to listen.

[JessStillWaits]

My husband and I have been trying for 3.5 years. We know 9 people who are pregnant. NINE. One is my coworker and good friend.

I really like the idea about the therapy can above. And I fully support anyone who feels hey can't make it through a baby shower.

It's so hard sometimes, I feel like it would be easier for me to cope with our infertility if I wasn't exposed to babies all the time and pregnant bellies.

I can't even sign on my facebook page some days.

I do agree it's helpful to see other people feel this way, and that other people husband's say "you should just be happy for them." It's not like we're not!

I explained it to one friend, your pregnancy is like a mirror being held up to me to see my own losses and sadness.

Some days are harder than others. For me, always in the 2ww.

Hugs and to all.

[Kevspooh2]

I've been avoiding my BF because it's been so hard to be around her. I finally decided that I needed to talk to her about her shower which is coming up. I told her the truth. I wanted to come to be there for her and to celebrate with her, but that I didn't think I could. I told her that it is 99% sure that I will never be pregnant and that I had to mourn for the loss of the child that I will never have and that I didn't think I could be in a room full of women who have either had children or are going to. She was so understanding, she got it. I was so afraid to talk to her because I didn't think she'd get it, but she did . I told her that I will come over early and help the hostess set up and so I can give her the gift, but that I was going to leave before everyone arrived and she said that was fine and that she would tell the hostess that I had to do something with my mom so there wouldn't be any questions. I feel so much better about our relationship. It's as if a weight has been lifted. I still have to face what's up next, but now I know that I can talk to her about it.

Thank you all for sharing. I thought I share a positive experience with everyone.

[Kit-Kat30]

That is great!! I am so happy that you were able to talk with her. It sounds like you have a really great BF and that she values you for you.

Thanks for sharing. It's always nice to hear people outside of IF taking consideration towards those who have to travel the path and pain of IF.

[SFBaygirl]

I just have to join in this "my BF is pregnant" thread. So is mine. She also knows about my difficulties. She got pg after an entire 2 months of being off of BCPs. Furthermore, her DH has been unfaithful in the past and they had to do a lot of work to get past it. I am wondering what the stress of a new baby will do to their relationship.

Why can't it be me with a wonderful DH who would never cheat? So unfair.

The description of the picture of the smiling couple with a positive HPT punched me in the stomach just hearing about it! I would cry for days too.

People without IF would never understand.

[Kevspooh2]

It's been a long time since I've posted and it's mainly because I started to feel like my feelings were wrong. That there was something wrong with me because I couldn't be happy for my BF. Well, she's had her baby, a beautiful little girl. My DH encouraged me strongly to visit her in the hospital and I did. What I thought was interesting is that she kept asking me questions about babies. I finally looked at her and said, I have no idea, I've never had one. Now they are home and she's posted pictures on her Facebook page and I can't bring myself to look at the pictures and be happy. She posted a comment like "I'm never leaving the house again, I just can't get enought of my daughter". I love her so much as I'm so happy for her, but I am so green with envy that I can't see straight. My DH just wants me to keep smiling and the be happy and I try. I've certainly perfected the fake smile. On top of all of this my 22 year old nephew is now going to be a father, accidentily I might add. Now all my mother can talk about is her great grand child and how much she wishes that she lived closer to them. It's like she saying to me, you'll never have any so we don't have to stay close to you. Oh yeah, I found a lump in my right breast and I'm going to a specialists on 11/9 to find out what it is. When it rains it pours. Sorry, I just needed to get this off of my chest.