[bistro]

I thought it would get easier now that my BFF is in her third trimester, but it's not. I can handle everyone else being pregnant, but it's so hard with her. She went off BCP but "wasn't trying" and got pregnant after only having one . Her DH confessed he only wanted kids if she wanted them, but he would be just as happy without them. It was like a slap in the face.

She is a wonderful person. She did nothing wrong. She will be a fantastic mother and is still a good friend - like a sister to me. I love her so dearly.

Yet, I have to force myself to ask questions about how she is feeling. I fake being excited . . . and not well, I might add.

I know this is not a race, but it's all just really hard.

[Kit-Kat30]

WOW... Your story is so much mine. However, my BFF just entered the 2nd trimester.

She constantly tells me how she is feeling and I constantly look at her belly waiting for the day that it is obvious that she is showing.

We have been spending a lot of time with them (my DH is helping build a garage for them). She has constantly complained about how horrible she feels, etc. and just the other day, she was complaining to me about how sore her feet are and how much she dislikes being pg. Then she adds that "She knows how much I would switch spots with her.. and that she was sorry for complaining".

I scream in my head well if you know, why do you talk about it with me. I don't know if I will be strong enough to be with her through it all.

Sorry to go on a rant about me, but I just want to let you know I hear you. I hope that we both can find a way to cope. As time goes on, it is actually harder to cope.

Happy thoughts and that our time is soon.

[bistro]

Hey Kit-Kat! There's far too many of us out there and it's awful. My BFF has been really good, I must say, about not complaining to me. She shares little tidbits when I don't ask and she answers my questions when I do ask. She's awesome and knows what I'm going through.

I feel like a bad person. I can't help it that I can't be a for her and be super excited. And I feel like that's not nice and I'm NOT that type of person. But I'm also not fake and I can't be all ... it wouldn't come out right - know what I mean?

It's not anyone else's fault that they have to tiptoe around us. It's not our fault that we feel this way. The whole situation just sucks.

[goingcrazy]

It is OK to fake happiness for someone you love. As you said, you love her and it is not her fault. It sucks for those of us on the other end of the story (I am in your same boat), but sometimes we have to suck-it-up so that we do not hurt those that we care about. And, it is also alright to feel envious. We are all trying to have a child and I know that it seems like everyone around me is pregnant. It is insane!

I know it hurts, and I am sorry that anyone has to feel this way. I am typing this as I am trying to control my period symptoms.

[Canadian]

Hi Bistro,

I am sure that there are MANY people on this forum that share your frustration with their BFF getting pregnant....it is not easy, there is no way to sugar-coat it.

My bff also got pregnant...and now has a bouncing, beautiful, baby girl: my Godchild. She will be turning 1 in a few weeks. And to be completely honest with you, I go through stages...sometimes thrilled for my friend and sometimes jealous. It kind of alternates back and forth. It was SO hard to look at her belly during the preg, and I felt myself distancing myself from her and spending less time with her because of it. Now that the baby is here, SOMETIMES I am not as envious, especially when she was going through the sleep deprivation stage and the split with her man....but my emotions still "see-saw" and perhaps your's will, too.

It's okay to be jealous...It's okay to be hurt....They are all emotions that you may feel at some time, and it is PERFECTLY NORMAL. Just know that along with those "Hard" emotions, you will also get some ammount of joy and wonderment with being an "Auntie".

Yes, it stings! Yes, it IS hard...But perhaps one day this baby of your friends will be the "cousin" of your future baby....

I am typing this to you after spending the whole day with my BFF's baby girl. So I FEEL the pain. Some days I don't feel like cuddling her as much...and some days I can. Tonight I sang baby girl to sleep....(and at bedtime she is usually a cryer...but not with me.)

So you will be getting a special role soon...A role of "Auntie". It will mean a lot to the baby-to-be.

Hopefully, one day he/she will meet your future baby...

It will still be tough on you, though, at times.

I hope the best for you!

~Canadian

[babycrazy]

I completely understand! My BFF got pregnant on first round and hardly ever talked about wanting a baby. Same thing, they were just seeing what happened, expecting it to take a long time. I couldn't even look her in the eye and all she wanted to do was talk about her pregnancy. She actually miscarried and I felt SO AWFUL for being bitter. She tried again the next possible time and got pregnant again. With Twins. They are almost two now and I learned my lesson......sometimes it is hard to be around them but I never felt any jealousy during her pregnancy! I have fleeting feelings towards other friends but try really hard to not feel anger or jealousy towards my friends. It's those that hurt their children or have abortions that I am angry with now.

[hoping4bundleofjoy]

My husband and I are trying for a baby and we both want one more than anything, as you can all relate. My BFF has 3 kids already, a 3 year old, a 2 year old and an 8 month old. I love them all and am happy to be their 'aunt'. My friend is constantly telling me how stressed she is and overwhelmed by her kids. She yells a lot. Her husband is a 'jerk' to put it mildly and he is not very nice to her. He doesn't hardly help her with the kids at all and she is might as well be considered a single parent. Some days she tells me that she is going to leave him and then other days she is telling me that she was talking to him about having another baby. This makes me want to yell at her and scream and say don't be so irresponsible and insensitive. I want to say, be happy for the 3 you have because I don't have any. She just manages with the three she has now. It makes me so mad and jealous. My husband loves kids and would be very involved and we are still waiting. I don't know what to even say to her about this. I feel like it is really insensitive of her to even talk to me about this, when is her time over and mine going to start?

[bistro]

Hi all,
I saw some posts here and figured I would send an update. My BFF had a beautiful baby girl who is one week old today. I visited the day after and it was a great visit. Aside for some moments where another friend said some insensitive things, I was genuinely happy all day and felt good for my friend. Now, some of the jealousy is creeping back. I want to be the one experiencing everything she is!!! She also made me mad by saying something like "I love her but this is going to be so hard!" WHAT DID SHE EXPECT??
I hear you about the ups and downs and I'm sure it will continue until I am finally blessed with a little one of my own.

[saka7901]

Hey all, I figured I would reply to this as well. It is just so hard to see others who are pregnant. One of my best friends just had her baby, but I have to say of all people I know she has been so sensitive and lovely. She never ever complains about being pregnant (in fact she joined internet support groups and parenting classes so that she would only be complaining to other moms who are also pregnant) but I think this is because she tried for two years herself, and also had a miscarriage. It has been easy for me to be happy for her.

My husband's family, however, has not been that way. His brother's wife just had a baby and we went to visit them in the hospital. His sister is also pregnant, and when the wife's friend came in (also a Mommy) they all sat down on the hospital bed and talked about how women who haven't been pregnant aren't truly pregnant, what a rite of passage having a baby is, and those who haven't had children will never understand. I felt so uncomfortable. When I left I cried and cried.

I think it's ok now to let myself cry. It's hard for me to know though, do you say something to your friend/family? Or just leave it be because then it seems like you're raining on their parade? Who should we be honest about the fact that we're trying? I can't tell people at work because I just got promoted and if they know I'm trying to get pregnant they won't take me seriously.

Anyway, best of luck with your friend!!

Kristin

[bistro]

Kristen,

Well that is just about the worst conversation to have had to overhear!! I feel for you!! I hate it when my mommy friends talk about pregnancy and complain about having kids, but I think it would be worse if they INTENTIONALLY excluded me that way. I mean, their kids are in their lives, so I get it. You have to talk about bedtime and clothes, and things of that nature. But to talk about motherhood as a secret club in front of someone who is not a mom (no matter the situation or what they know about it), I think is rude. Sorry to be blunt, but I really think it is!!

So, this is your sis-in-law who had the baby right? I think I would say something if you have that kind of relationship. You don't even have to talk about your IF if you bring it up the right way!

[mistydawn83]

I understand how you guys feel. It seems like everyone I know is having babies and I want to be happy for them but i'm not. It hurts so much to see everyone around getting the one thing that you want. Its like my sister was told she would never have kids and then she got pg with my nephew and now she has him and 8 month old twin boys. I keep asking why not me but she is the one person I can truly be happy for. She never says anything to upset me and she waits for me to talk about babies except to tell me how much she wants me to have a baby. I just wish everyone could be that way maybe it wouldn't be so hard. Its seems like their a member of some club that you cant join.