[sadcanuck]

It's funny - she has PCOS and has made a big deal about how hard it would be for her to conceive. So I thought she'd always be supportive, but she's made a number of nasty comments through my entire process (over 5 years now..sigh). Any time I've been upset, she's made a comment about this being bound to happen since I started trying after 30 (seriously?!) and none too subtly implied that if I'd just gone to a different clinic etc. etc. I'd have been fine. She talked about starting treatment, but, of course, has conceived on her own. I haven't spoken to her since she let me know, because I can't trust her not to make a dig. She also let me know 2 weeks after I had a blow up at her BF (I've known him as long as I've known her and after 18 years I finally lost my temper) b/c he's a rude condescending who just pushed it too far. . The 1-2 punch was just too much to take.

So - another mutual friend calls today to let me know there's going to be a baby shower in a few months..y'know..just in case I want to go. I've managed to be happy for everyone else I know, but in this case, I'm not. I'm just angry and bitter, and well..awake at 6:30 a.m and not by choice. I'm tempted to tell her exactly why I don't want to come to her shower, but she's the kind of person who always has to be in the right, so I don't see it doing much.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? What did you do? I do miss her in some ways - we've been friends a long time. But I'm tired of being hurt..

[Cendcar]

I say don't go. The last thing you need is for her to publicly remind you about all the "I told you so's". Or meet her for coffee/tea and let her know that she's been hurting your feelings. If she then still has to be right and does not acknowledge her wrong, let her go. That is not being a good friend and you don't need her negative vibes.

Good Luck you you!

[NNN2011]

Honestly, I wouldn't go. I have had a friend or two where we remained friends just because we knew each other for so long. Once they continued to hurt me I finally let the friendship go and have no regrets about it. NO more drama and I now surround myself with real friends.

I'd decline the invitation and if she is a true friend she's understand why. If not, then she's not worth keeping around in my opinion.

I've had friends who knew of my struggles and were very sensitive when they found out they were pregnant. Maybe they didn't have the perfect words, but they cared about my feelings and tried their best to be sensitive. Told me privately, didn't rub it in etc. Those people are a lot easier to be happy for.

[cleo12]

Hi,

Does she know she is actually hurting you with these comments? Some people just do not see the light through the trees!.

Depending what the answer is to the question above if she does this on purpose forget it dont go to her baby shower and never speak to her again cause she just isnt worth it.

If you are not sure I would right her a letter telling her how you feel. See what happens then. It doesnt mean you have to go it just sounds like you miss her friendship as well so leads me to believe that maybe some of these comments are not always intentional?

What ever happens dont you lose the will to keep trying. I am more than sure you have other friends around you who will be with you all the way. Keep strong and remember there are always lots of people on this forum that will be there if you need them!

Let us know what decision you make. I actually really believe in what goes around comes around!
x

[sadcanuck]

Thanks everyone. It's so nice to hear from others - although it sucks that everyone else has had to put up with the same crap. I'd like to think she's unaware how much her comments have hurt, but I really am not sure some times.

The shower is several hours away, so I won't be going, but I will probably send a gift to keep the peace. Closer to the date I will email her with a short explanation as to why I really am not comfortable around her, and see what happens. I think that may be the make or break it for us..

Thanks again. I don't use this forum a lot, but it's been a lifesaver when I've needed it.

[Eaglei]

This is going to sound a bit harsh...but she doesn't sound like much of a friend. In my opinion why surround yourself with people like her. I wouldn't let her make the decision for it to be the make or break for you...you make it. If she comes asking you later why you haven't talked to her, then tell her the truth. At the end of the day there are a lot more supportive people out there that are way better for you to be concerned about.

TTC is hard enough.

[NNN2011]

I'm with Eagle.

[Ooglie26]

Originally Posted by NNN2011

I'm with Eagle.

Life is too short to keep toxic people in your life. I've had to cut friendships off, simply because I was giving and giving, and getting nothing in return. It's not easy, and you may grieve the loss of a friendship that was once beneficial.

When TTC and dealing with IF, you need to surround yourself with loving and supportive people.