I was diagnosed infertile last year, the doctor explained that it was basically impossible for me to get pregnant/ stay pregnant. I started med school this last semester and felt this would definately keep me distracted until DH and I are old enough to adopt from China (30 yr min) which is in about 2 years. I thought I had grieved my infertility and felt it was more important for me to focus on my future child from China than to dwell on my infertility. Then my fist day of med school I notice one of my professors is pregnant...so I thought "No big deal, I see preggos all the time". But as each day goes by she grows and today I found myself completely unable to focus on my class...I just felt this overwhelming sadness. It took everything in me not to just walk out and go home to cry. I have worked very hard at not being bitter/jealous when friend after friend gets pregnant and this belly of mine stays flat. I hate admitting this but last night I put a pillow under my shirt just to see what I'd look like.....and then broke down crying. I am so ashamed of these feelings but I am in a low place right now and feeling very sad. Just needed to put this down somewhere...thanks for reading.

~Sarah

[kelceesmom]

I don't think there is anything to feel guilty about. I believe it is natural to grieve. A class that I had to take for my adoption said that there is grief by both parties. The adopting mother because she couldn't have a natural child and the bmom because she was placing her child. If you keep your feelings bottled up it will only get worse. Good luck in coming to terms with your feelings.

[J9yinyang]

May I ask what your doctor's reasoning was for why you couldn't get pregnant? Sometimes it helps to understand things.

Not that I can't understand the horrible feeling of maybe never carrying your own child. I keep going through it over and over, every time I get bad news. I think it's almost worse to keep having hope that it will happen, then repeatedly get information that it may all just be a big cosmic joke.

We're all here to help, though, so don't give up hope.

[einstein]

Please don't feel guilty or ashamed about anything. Your feelings are totally natural since you can't achieve the thing you want most in the world.

We've all been in this boat. It's difficult and frustrating. To have to see this lady each day must be horribly upsetting. I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this with the pressures of med school on top of that!

[CryingInside]

I have been there too. Watching a professor get pg and grow all semester long....I hated it! You are with that person for 5 months-almost their entire pg. I just tried to focus on my books and not look at the professor, which is difficult, but it helps. Sorry I couldn't help anymore than that.

[J9yinyang]

Hey, I had an idea! Imagine that she's pregnant with that nasty thing from The Fly... You know, that giant maggot thing that Geena Davis gave birth to? That ought to make you not envy her at all.... lol.