[mnwilkes]

Hi all. My sister gave birth to her new daughter on Friday. I did go up and see them and she's beautiful, but I feel horrible that I can only think of myself right now. My husband and I are doing our first IUI in a week and a half and that's all I have the strength to think about. Ever since I talked to my doctor on Monday I've been so emotional; happy, nervous, excited, but also sad and scared. A day hasn't passed since that I haven't broken down and cried my eyes out. I know I'm being selfish, but I want to stay home with my husband until this is done. I can't talk to my sister about her new baby, I don't feel emotionally strong for that right now. Have any of you felt this way during your treatment? Am I the only one that feels like isolating myself so I CAN just think of what I'm going through? Usually I'm the one that puts my life on hold for anyone that needs me, but right now I feel like it's time to think of my husband and my issues.

[tulip23]

Tammy,
Its not wrong to feel the way you r feeling at this moment..I can understand your nervous anticipation .But think about it this way,today its her chance ,tomorrow it will be yours and I am sure u wud like ur sis to b a part of ur joy,just the way she might be looking forward to some "auntly love" for her baby from you at this moment.Its difficult I know,but try kissing ur little niece and changing her nappies once in a while and I am prety sure u wud feel a lot of joy.All the best for ur IUI.

[mnwilkes]

I know you're right. When I held her yesterday I just couldn't stop staring at her. She's beautiful and perfect. I am happy for my sister and her husband. They also went through IF problems, but luckily they worked through them and got their first bundle of joy 2 1/2 years ago (I'm the Godmother). I will try to stay positive and understand that they also need support, not only me.

Thank you! Tammy

[Jacklyn]

Hi Tammy
What you're feeling is normal. Its ok to grieve for yourself for some time. From what you've written, it does not seem like you are a person who would overly focus on only your problems. Its probably a good idea to visit your sister and her new baby some times. Plus, since your sis herself had IF issues, she'll probably understand how you feel. Surely, give yourself the much needed space, but try not to cut yourself out completely especially if your relationship with your sister is otherwise good.
Good luck to you and I hope that your own bundle of joy arrives soon.
-Jacklyn

[jenedens6102]

Tammy, I was recently in the same place. My nephew was born on Jan 13th and we found out they were expecting him just before we started our IVF cycle. I was there for his birth but not in the room. I remember being the third person to hold him and how much I wished he was mine. It took us three weeks before we saw him for the second time, I just needed to re-evaluate my feelings and be in the right place. It's not all about me but sometimes that's just how you feel about it. Why not me, why them, what else can I do.....and on and on. You aren't alone.

[Heather75]

I know exactly how you're feeling. I was in the delivery room when my sister gave birth to my nephew last year. It was after a year of trying and being disappointed. All I did was cry after he was born. The pain you feel is so strong it's hard to feel the joy of becoming an aunt. It's natural to be sad and angry and jealous. Your family knows you are going through a difficult time - though they probably can't relate to the depth of your pain. I found that talking to other women going through the same thing helped. You are not alone in this fight. I send you a big hug and wish you all the best!

[ElsBelle]

My little sister had her baby girl last Thursday and I've suffered from post natal depression since. I mean, I 'm delighted for her, but as y'all say, it's hard not to wonder: when will it be my turn??
But we need to stay positive, the mind is a powerful tool, so keep visualising those little ones in your arms and believe that it WILL happen!

[einstein]

I had the same exact problem. My littlest niece was born right around the time we started seeing a fertility doctor. I put off visiting her for awhile and then decided I had to go. It was so hard for me to see her, let alone hold her. I was angry at her almost -- wishing so hard that I could have her.

It's totally normal to feel this way and to avoid spending long periods of time with someone else's newborn. It's just too emotionally hard.